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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Bride not allowing children to abroad wedding...

573 replies

Chokedwiththecold · 23/02/2020 09:15

Now, I know how this sounds, but I can't help being a bit annoyed about it.

I know that I don't Need to go.

My best friend is getting married this year abroad. Its over the school holidays so the price of the flights and accommodation is absolutely sooooo expensive. We are a very close girl group of 7 of us and 3 of us will have new born babies by the time the wedding comes around. Wedding was only booked a few months ago. Anyway, what's annoying me is the bride has said no kids allowed. I totally understand that people don't want kids at a wedding but I'm feeling really sad about not having to bring my baby as is our other friends. I don't see what difference it would make either. It's not like the would be running around making noise etc. I feel like I might not go but when I mentioned this she seemed so annoyed. I honestly don't know if I should go or not. I'm on the fence. My baby will be 5 months old.

Am I being unreasonable to think she's maybe being a little but unreasonable about this and she could have just allowed her best friends with their children.?

Thanks for listening to my rant.

OP posts:
3luckystars · 23/02/2020 13:45

@MulticolourMophead I agree. People will say they are going and it all sounds fabulous etc. but when it comes to actually going, no way will 150 attend.

Barbie222 · 23/02/2020 13:46

I'd say have a good trip and I look forward to celebrating with you as Mrs X when you're back.

3luckystars · 23/02/2020 13:50

That's very polite.

GothamProtector · 23/02/2020 14:01

@Vulpine I don't know about you but I've never left my D.C. with a random stranger in any country.

AriadnesFilament · 23/02/2020 14:05

No different to leaving ones baby with 'a random stranger' in thìs country.

I wouldn’t do that either!

Aragog · 23/02/2020 14:08

People can make a decision to have a child/baby free wedding.
People can make a decision to have a destination wedding.
They, however, cannot decide whether or both invited guests choose to come.

When a B&G make these choices they have to accept that it means some won't be able/want to attend. They should accept that graciously and with understanding, no grief, no sly digs, no getting offended, etc.

I'd simply not go. My holiday time with Dh and dd is precious to me. I'd not be using up 7 days holiday for a wedding without my Dh and dd. I also wouldn't be leaving my baby (or child for that matter) for that length of time either.

DazzlingDee · 23/02/2020 14:12

@Aragog 100%

Which is why I’ve not felt slightly annoyed when anyone has declined.

MRex · 23/02/2020 14:13

I wouldn't have been able to leave DS for days at 5 months old because I breastfed. I had an invitation to a child-free wedding at 4 months in the UK and could have had DH stay nearby with DS, but it all seemed such a faff that I decided to just skip it. No regrets. If I were you I'd let her know that you can't do it without the baby, she'll understand eventually if she has her own baby. It's all up to her really, she can have all of you there or not depending on her priorities.

sadforthekoalas · 23/02/2020 14:19

If it's in the school holidays I also doubt those with older kids will be happy/able to leave them at home. She is in for a small wedding I think. Maybe that's what she wants though

Aragog · 23/02/2020 14:25

, why don't the three of you with small children club together to hire a childminder

No way would I be leaving my child, especially a non verbal and totally dependant baby, with a stranger for the afternoon/day. Not a chance. When we were putting dd into a nursery at home we spent days having taster sessions, choosing the right setting, etc. So no way would I just rock up at a hotel and then just choose someone local I hadn't met before and leave my baby with them!

CatteStreet · 23/02/2020 14:33

Everything AnotherEmma and Aragog said. I would not be leaving my baby at this age, not for 7 nights, not even for one. I really dislike this trend for weddings to be about creating something 'perfect' instead of celebrating where you are (or where you at least have proper links) and with the people you love as they are.

bluebluezoo · 23/02/2020 14:37

There is no way you can go leaving a newborn who you may be breastfeeding, I wouldn’t even be considering it

o/p says her baby will be 5 months, not new born.

If you want to go then I agree a shared nanny is the best option. Your baby will be close by if you do need to nip and breastfeed, or check in etc, but you'll get a baby free evening which is not to be undervalued!!

If anyone has an actual new born, as in weeks old not months, then yes the bride will need to choose whether to allow it or not have mum there. But a newborn will likely sleep in a pram mainly. A 5 month old will need entertaining, might be mobile, need solids etc. Mine at that age were a PITA and I certainly wouldn't have taken them to a child free wedding.

Purpletigers · 23/02/2020 14:39

Don’t go ! Under those circumstances I would stay and home and spend the money on a family holiday instead .

ThunderGarlic · 23/02/2020 14:39

Personally, I would assume this means that she actually wants a very small wedding but didn't want to insult friends by not inviting them. I'd just decline and send a present.

HeadachesByTheDozen · 23/02/2020 14:40

I haven't RTFT but I would say that YABU. YANBU that it is during school holidays and thus so expensive. That was inconsiderate planning by the bride. However, YABU to expect the bride to allow 3 month old babies at her wedding. Babies cry. And scream. And around that age, they teethe. I have read at least 4 accounts on this site of brides having babies screaming during their vows and people could barely hear the ceremony. You cannot bank on a baby being quiet or sleeping through. I myself would never allow babies at a wedding. You may not have had the experience of a baby screaming during your vows, but many on this site have. And from what I've read on this site alone, those that have a baby who cries during the ceremony don't bother to go outside with the baby when it starts crying, they stay there and subject everyone to it.

Evilspiritgin · 23/02/2020 14:40

The bride is as far as I know in this country allowed to have whatever wedding she wants, op is obviously not bothered about not going , that’s her prerogative . The bride obviously knows that 3 /150 won’t be going, she’s fine about it

But the fact some people are gleefully hoping that she gets loads of declines , makes me wonder about their mentality

GothamProtector · 23/02/2020 14:41

@bluebluezoo Solids don't begin until 6 months.
My 5 month old was fully dependent on breastmilk and didn't have a set schedule.

And once again would you leave your baby with a stranger?

ZenNudist · 23/02/2020 14:42

Bet she's annoyed at you all.

Same friends will be velcrod to their own dc and will be very reluctant to leave them.

user1471449295 · 23/02/2020 14:50

She’s not being unreasonable.
Nor are you don’t go.

user1471449295 · 23/02/2020 14:51

And this:

Evilspiritgin

The bride is as far as I know in this country allowed to have whatever wedding she wants, op is obviously not bothered about not going , that’s her prerogative . The bride obviously knows that 3 /150 won’t be going, she’s fine about it

But the fact some people are gleefully hoping that she gets loads of declines , makes me wonder about their mentality

HeadachesByTheDozen · 23/02/2020 14:53

Forgot to say that I don't believe in children being at weddings anyway, especially at the reception. A wedding is a solemn adult occasion, with risque 'speeches'. Also children should be supervised, not left to play 'hide and seek', that is so irresponsible. Often wine, alcohol, cake etc are served at these receptions, and no one wants kids tearing about bumping into the cake stand, getting under servers feet, etc. I do know of an incident where I live where a young child almost drowned in a fountain at a reception and had to be revived. That is what happens when people think it's ok for children to be present at an adult function when the adults are not concentrating on the children but on the actual function. I have to admit I would not attend a wedding if I knew children were allowed, on principle.

Durgasarrow · 23/02/2020 14:53

I would not want three new babies at my wedding. But I would also want my best friends at my wedding. And if they were my best friends, I would not get married in another country. If I were you, I would not go to that wedding. I would not want to be overnight away from my baby at thtat point.

MimiLaRue · 23/02/2020 14:53

To make a destination wedding child-free is just ridiculous, selfish and inconsiderate

Agree- its like she's made it as hard as possible for people to attend and is now bitching that people cant attend!

well...duh!

Ragwort · 23/02/2020 14:54

Just (politely) send your regrets.

I really don't get why you feel 'guild ripped' about this, I wouldn't accept an invitation to a destination that I didn't want to go to - I don't have a young child but the thought of the expense, to go somewhere I just wouldn't chose to go to is just so unreasonable of the hosts to expect that their guests are willing to accept all that expense.

MimiLaRue · 23/02/2020 14:55

No different to leaving ones baby with 'a random stranger' in thìs country. Not sure how the nationality of the said babysitter is relevant

Its not relevant. I wouldnt leave my kid with a random stranger in the UK either.