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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I’m raising a child with too high expectations

177 replies

Missmummy88 · 23/02/2020 07:38

So we are coming to the end of half term & my 8yo just came in this morning sadly saying “I haven’t had a good half term, I haven’t got to do what I want to do”. This really upset me. For context he has a 4 yo brother and I work 3 days per week. I am also pregnant so haven’t been getting up with them at 6 but taking advantage of no school runs and laying in until around 8am while they watch cartoons and eat fruit & brioche.

This week they have:
Friday (inset) - softplay in morning (4 yo choice ) then swimming (8 yo choice)
Saturday - swimming lessons, went to look at a new car (which they enjoyed sitting in all the different vehicles) then popped over to grandmas and saw the cousins (similar age, played cops and robbers etc)
Sunday - church with Sunday school where they did crafts and a play followed by many biscuits then popped to mil with Dh while I caught up on some housework
Monday - I went to work, my mum took the boys out for milkshakes and a trip to the library - they then played at hers until I collected them around 5.30
Tuesday - I went to work, mother in law took them to the local farm where they rode go carts then she took them shopping and brought them new books
Wednesday - I went to work, my mum took them to the theatre to see a bubble show which they seemed to enjoy with their cousins. They then went for a sleepover at my mother in laws
Thursday - returned from mother in laws at mid day (I did housework in the am so I am free to play with kids now I’m off work) afternoon they played on consoles (their choice of activity)
Friday - took them to cinema, came home had lunch then went for a nice bike ride with dog.
Saturday - popped to my mums, played with cousins, went for a bike ride through forest, played a game at local tennis courts and then got hair cuts
Today - we have a dishwasher being installed but if time and weather permit we will go for another bike ride. Being a Sunday they will be expected to get bags ready for school and put their washing baskets away, baths etc later.

To me that seems like a fair week with a mix of activities and a mix of people, but my ds seems really sad. I asked him what he wanted to do and he said play monopoly which I have said of course we can this morning but he still seems low.

Aibu to think he’s expectations are too high? Do you play with your kids more than I have? We’ve been out for activities but I guess I haven’t sat down and done a board game. We do read together every evening and sit at the table and eat, so I consider that we do connect even on my working days.

I just feel I’m not enough right now☹️

OP posts:
Pringlesonthetable · 23/02/2020 11:30

I reckon it is that back to school thought too OP. I feel like it after a holiday going back to work!

Our holidays as a kid had no structured activity. It was holiday TV (Why don't you ? anyone?) , play indoors, play out. We had one day trip during summer holidays, usually an air show.

NeedCoffeeNowRightNow · 23/02/2020 11:37

Sounds like he craves one-on-one time. Could it be he is worried because you're pregnant? He might just feel a little off and not quite know why.

Quicklittlenamechange · 23/02/2020 11:44

Totally agree with FuckyouBrexitVoters
Brilliant name also Grin
Its also concerning that you are stressing that he is disappointed .
So what?
Hes not allowed to feel anything but pure joy all the time?

Ellie56 · 23/02/2020 11:46

Maybe he needed more chill time? That does seem a very full on week. When my kids were young we did activities every other day.

But I agree he's probably just realised he's going back to school tomorrow!

sleepymummy2019 · 23/02/2020 11:47

He’s got that Sunday feeling OP, we all do on the last day of a holiday. Maybe at Easter give him more quiet time at home and see if he’s any happier. My guess is he’ll still be sad it’s almost time for school again!

Rosebel · 23/02/2020 11:53

He sounds very spoilt. After you, your mum and MIL have made a lovely holiday he is still moaning. If it was me I'd just say over Easter we won't go anywhere.
I'm sure he's miserable about going back to school but that's not really an excuse to complain his holiday. I'd remind him how much he's done and explain he's lucky as some children don't do anything. I certainly wouldn't go out of my way to entertain him in the holidays again.

Salene · 23/02/2020 11:53

I think kids are spoilt nowadays and just expect all these great days out as the norm

When I was a kid I never hardly got days out , instead played outside in garden /street

My kids seem to expect so much these days and sometimes ungrateful too for it.

Anyone else feel like that.?

Itwasntme1 · 23/02/2020 11:55

My friend took her two boys to euro Disney. They had a fabulous time.

On the last night the older boy (I think around seven) wanted candy floss at bedtime and was told no. He screamed (in a Disney hotel) that he never gets to do anything he wants😂😂.

Yorkshirelass444 · 23/02/2020 11:57

sounds like you've done a great job- go easy on yourself- my household has progressively slipped into anarchy over the week! kid 1 still in bed- kid 2 on roblox for the billionth time. and know what? i don't care- they're fed and watered- they've enjoyed a tonne of downtime and will soon be back on that school/activity treadmill. and yes to it being day before school blues (which will vanish)

Greenmarmalade · 23/02/2020 12:00

My children will all say this today as they’ll be upset it’s all over! You’re doing great

Allthebubbles · 23/02/2020 12:10

I don't think he's entitled I just think it's his age and that some idea he's had hasn't happened. My 9 yr old suddenly got upset this half term as he hasn't had a chance to watch any episodes of a programme he's been watching with us that's too grown up for his sister(5). He'd been tired so we'd been going for early nights. I think they love to feel like they are a bit more grown up and have some special time with you. His sister had a super early night on Friday, we watched a few episodes with him and happiness restored!

HepzibahGreen · 23/02/2020 12:10

Its not an over packed schedule at all. Seeing cousins, swimming, cinema. Seems plenty to me, but not too much.
And more to the point, I can't believe anyone is picking apart if he got enough downtime or if he got enough one to one time or whatever. He's probably forgotten he even said this already. You are doing fine. Seriously woman. You are pregnant, working, with 2 kids, high five yourself for being awesome and ignore the whinging. Our generation of parents REALLY need to stop obsessing over giving our kids the perfect childhood, else we are going to raise a whole generation of overly entitled brats.

NewName54321 · 23/02/2020 12:27

"Monopoly" = quality one-to-one time with you.

This.

He's named an activity that takes a reasonable length of time that his younger brother wouldn't be able to join in with, so would have to be just you and him.

Maybe send one child to grandparents and spend some 1:1 time with the other.

adaline · 23/02/2020 12:30

Its not an over packed schedule at all. Seeing cousins, swimming, cinema. Seems plenty to me, but not too much.

Plus tennis, plus the theatre, plus several days where he was at grandmas - some people don't want to be doing activities everyday.

Sounds to me like he wanted some quality time with his mum and he didn't get that. When I was younger and my parents both worked full-time, I remember getting quite upset that they had to work during the holidays and I was stuck with relatives or at multiple activity camps. It could just be that.

ArtisanPopcorn · 23/02/2020 12:42

I'm also stunned people are saying they did too much, they're 4 and 8 not toddlers! If I'm going to take my 5 year old to the cinema/theatre I book it for the afternoon so I can take her out for a bike ride or something in the morning so she can sit through the film/play. In fact we did similar one day this half term. She also had a couple of days with PIL (including a sleepover - their idea!) And a day at a holiday club.

mylittleboo · 23/02/2020 12:46

Blimey. That’s loads! The weather has been so rubbish we’ve had a few days where the kids haven’t even got dressed and just watched TV, played Minecraft while I’ve drunk tea and watched Netflix. Boring but they love it. Maybe he means he wants to stay in more! Reading your list you haven’t had a “do nothing” day? A day where nobody gets dressed. You order in take out and all basically “vegetate”. I think they need that. We’ve done that lots this week and we’re all still exhausted from busy school schedule.

ArtisanPopcorn · 23/02/2020 12:47

I'm actually quite grateful to this thread though, I was feeling guilty when it got to midday today and we hadn't left the house but it's miserable outside and DD is happily playing Minecraft with DH. Tomorrow she has school, PIL pick her up take her to an extra-curricular then take her back to their house then I pick her up after work, it's nearly 6 by the time we get home and I still make her read a book to me. I think I need to chill.

ActualHornist · 23/02/2020 12:53

Sounds like my 11 year old when I said no to another half hour on his phone - ‘worst day EVAR!!!’ Accompanied by stomps up the stairs. He was happily playing ninjas with his brothers about ten minutes later Grin

Don’t overthink it. You’re allowed some down time as well you know!

DisorganisedOrganiser · 23/02/2020 13:14

Where on earth do I find children who are happy to spend a day in PJs doing nothing?! Certainly not my two or most of their friends. I would love a PJ day.

Happy101 · 23/02/2020 13:16

I'd have loved a half term like that as a kid! So don't worry about what they say. When I was that age my parents worked full time so I was left at home all week with a housebound grandma to entertain myself.

IrmaFayLear · 23/02/2020 13:19

I don't think it matters whether the child has done 2 million activities or none. The fact is he was rude and hurt OP's feelings. I think he needs to be told this. He's eight. There's no age that's too early to learn kindness, even if you can't articulate other things such as feelings of disappointment or discontent.

itsgettingweird · 23/02/2020 13:29

That's a lot of activity for one week!

But as said kids are weird Grin

He probably just wants to play monopoly and can't explain it well. I also imagine half the activities and game of monopoly would have been fine too - if that's what he wanted to do!

itsstillgood · 23/02/2020 13:33

It sounds like back to school blues to me.
I am feeling a bit like that myself. I have had a nice week, got stuff done, but still stuff that I never got around to.
I wouldn't be analysing what we'd done, I'd be having a nice cosy day. I'd be more concerned about whether there was anything more to the school blues than had a nice week and doesn't want it to end. Probably not of course but I'd be looking to comfort and reassure for tomorrow rather than being upset about what he'd said.

maddiemookins16mum · 23/02/2020 13:45

I feel exhausted just reading their half term.

Topsy44 · 23/02/2020 13:48

I think you had a great mix of things to do and some downtime for your dcs. I agree that he is probably just worried about going back to school tomorrow. My DD is 7 and has been similar. She asked where we were going today and I said we're not going anywhere because the weather isn't great and we both need to prepare things for school and work tomorrow. She did have a bit of a huff about it but I made some cakes with her and she is now happily amusing herself.

As pp said, you're doing a fantastic job, you're pregnant, working and looking after dc. I don't think he is spoilt, I think he is just a bit worried about going back to school tomorrow. If I'm honest, I have the same feeling about work after being off for a week!!