To ask What is the wildest rumour you have heard about yourself?

[FunkyTime]

I heard a rumor that I kissed another girl at a school disco in primary school

The rather odd neighbour of one of my rental properties always tells all new tenants that I used to be a famous model, and that I used to be a very keen gardener and used to constantly tend the garden of that rented house and it used to be beautiful (and then presumably at some point I suddenly and inexplicably let it get into the state its currently in). Neither of those things is remotely true.

That I'd done a 'line up' with the whole kitchen brigade at a staff Christmas party. I hadn't even attended the party.

And that I was a drug addict with a peodophile boyfriend who wasn't allowed to pick up her kid from school, so there had to be a police present at the playground for a fortnight. That was a child whose name rhymed with my DS's.

Not massively cheery, either of those.

That i lost my virginity on my 18th birthday to a random in nightclub toilets

That I was involved with this guy and had stayed over at his house, slept together, he told all our friends.
One of the men told me, I had been away for the week.
When this guy walked into the pub, in front of all our friends I very loudly start questioning him
When did this happen
I couldn't have been there Friday as I was 100 miles away.
What did we do.
What tattoo do I have.

He caved and admitted he lied.

Oh thats funny

I was just talking about this

I new friend was telling me that she was warned off me a few years ago as i am a committed Christian

Ive been an atheist since i was 13...

That I was having an affair with a lovely but very lonely single dad who lived in a quiet street populated mostly by very elderly respectable ladies.
I even had the audacity to take his baby and slightly older toddler out occasionally, in broad daylight too, with no shame to my name.
Turned out the lovely man was not so very lonely after all and was in fact my husband, and the two children were in fact my own !
Some of the respectable ladies did in time become very close friends of mine, others held fast to their original convictions because I apparently didnt quite meet with their social requirements, whatever that meant,lol.

All the rumours about me are true

That i had been run over and killed, shocked classmates to see me at school alive and well

Someone thought I must have given a blow job to the manager to offer me a certain job within our company. I didn't know what to think at that. I hate giving blow jobs, and if I did, I certainly wouldn't do it to my boss. I was quite perplexed. Obviously the accusing individuals didn't think that I was good enough to do the job on my own merits which was quite insulting.

What did Oscar Wilde say....
The only thing worse than being talked about
Is not being talked about.😁

That I was a monster. Told to the new boss who believed my line manager who told him. He then spoke to one of my team, who loved me and realised I wasn’t. It was too late, I’d already resigned given the way he treated me and when he couldn’t replace me, asked me to stay. I was delighted to turn him down. He’s been through 3 people since I left 2 years ago and the department has reduced drastically after being one of the most successful. My heart does not break.

That I was dating a younger man. I had been seen grocery shopping with my DS, who has a beard.

I supposedly cheated on my DH a couple of years ago. Had a long, passionate affair with a bloke that nobody met and nobody can name. Nobody knows any details at all. I’m clearly very mysterious and interesting. (Must be all the laundry.) Luckily DH knows better than to believe the hype. (Was also pretty busy nursing dying mother at the time.)

Was hospitalised in year 9 for at least a month. When I came back, I sat next to a new girl in English, who asked me if I knew about the girl who had died. It was me. Apparently I was dead.

Several years back, I lost a lot of weight (2 dress sizes) in a short space of time which I put down to being under a lot of stress.
The rumour mill on the schoolyard was rife. Main candidates: I had cancer or I had become a drug addict.
ExH also spread the latter rumour. I mean, obviously it had nothing to do with him harassing, threatening and stalking me or upsetting our small dc, who I cared for as a single parent.

Ooh yes! The same people who accused me of cheating on DH while I was nursing mum didn’t really dig it when I finally stuck to a diet either. I managed to totally change my lifestyle and lose 60kg. A whole “me!” Now I have an earring disorder and am inflicting it upon my kids. This REALLY pisses me off when I see them shoveling cakes and coffees down their necks, complaining about being overweight, knowing that my mother’s anorexia was one of the reasons she chain-smoked and one of the reasons she died and I overhauled my lifestyle.

An ex friend told all of our mutual friends i had sex with her boyfriend in her toilet.

I was in washing my hands while he was in the hall... both away from her eyeline for approx 2 minutes.
Only a part of the reason we aren’t friends anymore.

At uni

That I’d given a guy a blow job at a party. Spread by the guy himself, lying toerag.

That I’d had sex with another guy in a room full o sleeping people. Again not remotely true.

People were very keen to believe I was a bit of a slut, probably because I am a bit of a flirt. I’m not someone who sleeps around though.

FiL told my neighbours I wasn’t coping with my 3 kids. My neighbour told him she thought I was running a pretty tight ship and he was being stupid.

DH and I had a small company we ran from home that made us a lot of money. Of course because I am disabled, half the village believed that we were coining some luxurious layabout lifestyle on disability benefits. You can get very nice cars on motability apparently.

After my DP died, a rumour went around that I had lost her ashes. I had never been in possession of her ashes! Her brother sorted them as I couldn't face it.

That I was having lunch time sex meets with a married colleague when I was 25 and he was in his 60s.

I got talking to a colleague and he mentioned that his daughter (my age) and his wife had both studied art. My mum worked at a London gallery and would often get tickets for previews and private viewings. I passed on a few tickets and he was very grateful. He offered to buy me lunch, as a thank you and he would invite his wife and daughter. On the day his wife phoned and apologised for being unwell.

The pub he chose was far out and had been recommended by a friend who had refurbished the rooms. Whilst we were waiting for his daughter, the friend showed us around the new rooms. Unbeknown to us some other colleagues has seen us at the pub, and then at the window of the room whilst they were in the car park. Had they stayed a 5 minutes longer they would have seen his daughter arrive!

I heard that I came from a titled background. There was a grain of truth but not nearly as grand or interesting as the rumour suggested.

Also heard that I lived on a large farm. No idea where that one came from, especially as home at the time was a dingy basement flat!

In my early 20s a neighbour who really had it in for me spread a rumour that I was a prostitute and a drug dealer, based on the fact I had 'under age boys and men in and out of her flat all day'...

These were in fact my SISTER, a family friends DAUGHTER who had shaved her head for charity, and a platonic male friend and my actual boyfriend...

The drug dealer part came about because I'd found a needle down the back lane a lot of the residents kids would play in, had called the council to do a clean up and warned neighbours not to let their kids play there until it had happened (backed up a day later by the council sending a letter round).

The most hilarious though was on catching up with a friend after some decade or so of being out of touch.. I discovered I had apparently always been in love with a mutual friend of ours, who I had had a brief (5 months?) relationship with when I was 18 or so...

It was interesting to hear that apparently, I still loved him, he was the love of my life and I'd never gotten over him...

I hadn't thought about him in 10 years and had been living with someone else for 9 of them!

I was diagnosed with ME (chronic fatigue syndrome) halfway through secondary school after suffering repeated throat infections and low grade fevers. I kept quiet about diagnosis for a long time with school friends except one close friend. I knew it was the kind of condition people misunderstood and my own parents were not supportive so I felt I had to carry on as usual. Eventualy I did tell another friend and she did not believe me because I was not in a wheelchair or bed bound (I know, very ignorant response!) Then she started telling my other friends and it even got to our friends in the year above me?!!! She basically started saying I was faking it and dramatising ordinary tiredness (even though I'd been having tests for nearly a year and been finally diagnosed).. The schoolfriends kept going up to me with sad worried faces and saying how awful it was that I was faking a serious condition like ME. people are weird.

I once walked into a pub to hear a regular telling his mates that he had slept with me. He had his back to me so I said "Really? Well you must have been rubbish because I don't remember that at all."
I have never seen anyone go so red! His mates didn't let him forget it for ages.

That I had died by suicide.

What disgusts me most is that nobody who heard and believed the rumour did anything to offer condolences to my family or friends.