To ask What is the wildest rumour you have heard about yourself?

[FunkyTime]

I heard a rumor that I kissed another girl at a school disco in primary school

That I was working on a telephone sex line. No I was not.

That I was "spit-roasted" at a party, horrible term, never happened, not even remotely close. The girl who made up the rumour was pissed off I was dating a guy she apparently liked and was trying to make him dump me. I was 20, she was 18 so it was all very immature stuff.

That I got off with a particular celebrity.

It was a running joke that someone made up such a random rumour.

Thing is, it actually was true and only one of my friends knows for certain. The others all think someone made it up

As a teen, I was very puzzled to be cold-shouldered when I popped in to see DF1. Her BF was there too and they both seemed very uncomfortable, so I left. Bumped into DF2 and told her I wasn't sure why, but DF1 and her BF were behaving rather oddly and obviously needed time alone. "What do you expect?" asked DF2, "You had sex with her BF!" WTF?
Apparently it was outside the hall of a party we'd been at the previous weekend. Her BF had indeed followed me when I popped out to smoke. He did the whole heavy breathing, trying to kiss me as he tried it on with me. I turned him down, as a) I wasn't going to do that to my friend, and b) I didn't fancy him.
It turned out when he went back in, his mates were all, "Ooh, you been outside with grannybiker," and rather than admit I'd told him to f**k off, he made out that we'd done it out there in the bushes!
The fatal flaw to his plan, was that his mates would no doubt tell their GFs who would then tell DF1. So the CF decided to "Confess" and beg forgiveness before the rumour mill reached her.
This was nearly 40 years ago and the injustice still rankles. I used to wonder who believed his version and who trusted mine.

The kids in my school (secondary) think I left the police to work there.

Who am I to tell them otherwise?

That i pushed a teacher down the stairs

A teacher had fell down the stairs - but i hadnt pushed her & the school never questioned me about it! Me & my sister were talking about this the other day, all of my friends had heard it & so had all my sisters friends & she was 2 years above

I was a rebellious teenager but i didnt assault people 🤦‍♀️

A school mum whose child was not even in the same year as either of mine started telling people I worked for the Daily Mail. I honestly didn't know how she even knew my name, I couldn't really recall ever having a conversation with her. If I had- God knows what I'd said! My friend set her straight but I still have no idea what got into her head.

A male “friend” (who was keen to get in my pants, and enjoyed trying to humiliate me) gleefully relayed to me that someone said I had a “cunt like a bucket”, but refused to say who had said it. Dickhead.

That I had an older brother in my school that I ignored and denied being related to !!!

When I was 18 I was with my friend who had a baby, I was pushing the pram. We went to the post office and back to my house. 15 minute trip. Baring in mind this was over 20 years ago pre mobile phones, by the time I got home (still living with my mum) the rumour had gone through at least 4 people and word had got back to my mum that apparently I had had a baby!

That I was an alcoholic when I ended up in hospital with a liver problem......I mean I was young and liked a drink but it was actually a complication of another illness and was quite serious!

"I was making it up" - I have cancer

My ex narcissistic husband accused me of having an affair with his best friend after he went to see his mother's psychic friend......
He also accused me of having an affair with his father........ I had no affairs with anybody, it was projection, his mother and he were both having affairs.

That me and my husband were splitting up and getting divorced about two years into our marriage!

We weren't in any way shape or form and in fact at the time I found out about the rumour I was very heavily pregnant with our first child! I wrangled it out of a good friend who thought it best we knew this rumour, who'd been telling and just laughed at this older couple telling people. Not even friends with them, distant acquaintance. I was very glad my real friend put them straight that we were/are fine and having a baby actually.

We're still married now, unsurprisingly, 6 years later odd expecting our second.

I never ever understood how they'd got this idea though.

When I was 18, a guy I knew decided to tell my ex I'd had a threesome. It was a complete fabrication (not just because I hadn't, at any point during the evening in question, been alone with two men) because I'd rejected the guy and he knew my ex had a nasty streak.

I was apparently sleeping with a workmate. Funny thing is that we did have a snog, years after people stopped thinking we were shagging.

I've got two.

That my ex had walked in on me with another bloke in our bed and that's why we had split up.

We hadn't even split up at this point. He was taking his ring off at work and telling people this sob story and then coming home to me afterwards 😂

The second and most ridiculous is that when we did actually split up he told people it was because I threw a strop over some expensive make up brushes. Not because he was an abusive, compulsive lying gambler who sold mine and the kids things.

When my divorce came threw I did actually treat myself to said brushes though to make myself laugh 😂

Back in school, a former friend (or two) apparently said I was a lesbian. Definitely not true. I hadn't dated yet, as I was very shy and no guy I liked had ever asked me out. I have no idea if they actually believed it themselves or were just being bitches for some unknown reason.

I don't think I'll ever forgive and forget that, tbh.

That I was having an affair with her boyfriend. People believed it despite knowing that he was not her boyfriend.

That I was having an affair with a wanted Kurdish separatist, and that I spent several months as a postulant in an enclosed order of nuns.

"I was making it up" - I have cancer

I’m so sorry to hear that. I hope it was only someone who is easily dismissed, and that you have plenty of proper support

I had a few dodgy lies told about me when my first husband had cancer. A “healer” at the hospice who I politely asked to leave him alone (he was a scientist and hated woo) told people that my unbelief in her crystals was killing him. And after he died someone spread around the school playground that he had big life insurance policies and that me and my children we’re now each multi-millionaires. (Kids got a lot of party invitations all of a sudden so that one didn’t matter so much!)

Some people are batshit.

I've won the lottery twice apparently, but the best one was an ex boyfriend told everybody I'd died, rather than the fact I'd dumped him for being a complete knob. The face on one of his friends when she saw me a couple of months later, was a picture

Some guy my friend was seeing said that I had a threesome with them....closest we came to that was when they dropped me off in a taxi one night after I finished work at the pub they were drinking in and I was working in, and he shouted "threesome" at me. Told him that I didn't think he could even manage a onesome, wished my friend luck and went to bed - alone! Didn't stop him telling everyone otherwise, think my eye roll when I was told that said it all and most people believed me haha.

That my solo trip to China was actually with my 'fancy man' (my late husband was still alive then, and had encouraged me to take the solo backpacking trip I'd always wanted to do)

The colleague who spread that rumour based it entirely on me having shown her a photo of me in front of a landmark, when I returned from the trip. That apparently meant that I wasn't really travelling alone. Someone must have been with me to take that photo*. And obviously it must have been another man.

*the fact that it could have been an obliging local would of course not have been as exciting. Even though it was the truth.

That my wedding was called off. We had originally booked a church service but decided at a later date to have the ceremony at our wedding venue, mainly to make things easier for our guests. Some busy body at the church saw the cancellation in the book and spread round the village we had broke up and called off our wedding. My grandma called me angry that she had heard it around the village and not from me 🙄