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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To smash up all DS screens

379 replies

OntheWaves40 · 22/02/2020 20:40

DS (14) has repeatedly ignored me when I’ve told him it’s lights out and removed his screens, he has sneaked downstairs for them, sneaked in to my bedroom when i’ve been in the bathroom for them, rooted through my drawers to look for them. The first night I confiscated his phone, the second his tablet and by the third his game console. I told him he would get them back on Sunday. This was Monday evening and since then I’ve caught him several times on one of them. Tonight he was on his tablet I grabbed it off him and smashed it up in front of him, then gathered his phone and console and threw them all out his bedroom window. His console is broke. His phone survived.
Now I don’t know what to do. He’s in his room and I’m in living room in shock.

OP posts:
LovingLola · 22/02/2020 21:37

*Which celebrity was it who smashed her kids iPads and mumsnet was up in arms?

Kirsty Alsop

TryingToBeBold · 22/02/2020 21:37

Perfect parent brigade are out in force

^always this same sarcastic unhelpful shitty comment

Noone is perfect. We just dont agree with taking your frustrations out smashing up peoples possessions.
It's not accepted in relationships with partners so why should it be accepted just because the parent did it?

formerbabe · 22/02/2020 21:39

So if a women was on here saying her husband had smashed her phone because he was frustrated with her, we are now saying it’s alright

Not a great comparison...If a woman was on here saying how her husband had confiscated her phone no one would consider that acceptable...quite rightly. However, it is acceptable to confiscate a teenager's phone.

TryingToBeBold · 22/02/2020 21:39

@OntheWaves40 but did you always respect her rules? Or did you sometimes test the boundaries? Frustrate her a little? Even if it wasn't the same situation as your son

If not.. great for you. But I know I did.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 22/02/2020 21:40

I get it OP. Screens turn kids mental :(

You have to find somewhere you can really lock them up that is not accessible in any way. A lock box or something.

RickOShay · 22/02/2020 21:40

@OntheWaves40
If it helps I hide the screens regularly.
It’s not just you. It’s pretty much everybody!
Do you feel better for having a chat with him?

georgialondon · 22/02/2020 21:42

Surely you could have just changed the wifi code so he couldn't really use them

mnthrowaway202020 · 22/02/2020 21:42

Call me a “screen addict” but I would never purposely destroy someone’s expensive technology. She threw his console out of a window and smashed up the screen of his tablet - that’s absolute overkill. That’s unhinged, ghetto behaviour and something you’d hear on Jeremy Kyle alongside a cheating headline. I would be embarrassed if I couldn’t control my emotions to this extent and lashed out like this.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 22/02/2020 21:42

When I was younger and my mum said not to do something, I didn’t because I respected her and the rules.

This. I clearly remember as a young child my parents taking away a valued toy and throwing it. I had persistently ignored any other punishment.

It worked. If your DS isn't going to show any shred of responsibility, why does he get rights to expensive toys YOU have paid for?

Original poster
OntheWaves40 · 22/02/2020 21:43

@TryingToBeBold I probably did but I was thinking about the tv in my room and coming home on time and lights out on time etc. I can’t think of anything comparable where I persistently ignored the rules.

OP posts:
maxbabi · 22/02/2020 21:43

@36OntheWaves40 you are very welcome.
I have spent many nights in tears over my ds 14 addiction. Like I said ignore the nasties and yeah teenagers section more understanding.
Too many perfect parents on here. Oh nearly all my sons mates parents have issues with their teens. Some a lot worse.
Do your best that's all you can do.

Original poster
OntheWaves40 · 22/02/2020 21:44

@RickOShay yes i’m glad i’ve spoke to him, I just hope he understands and we can find a compromise.

OP posts:
MummytoCSJH · 22/02/2020 21:45

I had multiple devices smashed up by my abusive parent as a child. Like PP, this has scarred me. No matter what a child has done, violence and temper like that is not okay. You've displayed disgusting behaviour and you should be ashamed of not having better control over yourself. That said, you came here apparently upset yet are latching onto every reply that says what you did was fine. So, do you really care if you were wrong or are you just looking for validation?

Frosty26827 · 22/02/2020 21:45

You can really tell some of these responses aren’t from parents of a teenager!

OP calm down, relax and start again tomorrow

shudup · 22/02/2020 21:45

For all your obedience, you've acted like an abusive raging lunatic.

Didn't do you any good did it?

TryingToBeBold · 22/02/2020 21:46

I think things were different, I didn't have a tv in my room much, I was always reading past my bed time/lights out. Skiving school. Got drunk at 15 on brandy. Trying smoking..
I persistently broke the rules (it hasnt killed me and I'm a perfectly functioning adult with child and job now), I was a pain in the ass as a teenager.. I just never got caught.. much Grin

raskolnikova · 22/02/2020 21:46

So if a women was on here saying her husband had smashed her phone because he was frustrated with her, we are now saying it’s alright

I remember a thread on here a while ago about a dad who smashed his teenage son's phone (apparently the son's most prized possession) in a rage. There were numerous people claiming to be on 'Team Dad'.

My ex threw my phone against a wall and smashed it. I feel sad how many people will excuse or even, as on the other thread I mentioned, basically condone this, as long as it's in the context of a parent destroying a teenager's phone/tablet/whatever.

It's disturbing how many people say it's not an abusive thing to do. It definitely felt abusive when I was on the receiving end of it, but maybe I'm just too much of a snowflake or something.

TryingToBeBold · 22/02/2020 21:47

I think he is just testing the boundaries. As frustrating as it is, you took it too far.
Aggression just wasnt needed Sad

greasyspooncafe · 22/02/2020 21:47

^^ what @pippa12 said.

Original poster
OntheWaves40 · 22/02/2020 21:48

@MummytoCSJH yes of course i’m looking for others who understand my frustration and can support me to respond better to DS. Rather than replying to people who are just blatantly being nasty. It doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt or worry me.

OP posts:
thehorseandhisboy · 22/02/2020 21:48

Screens and gaming have a psychological and physiological 'pull' that for example listening to music or reading don't have.

Social media, games, messaging apps etc are all designed to create as much addiction as possible. They're remarkably effective.

I wonder if your ds's lack of emotion is that he's still got his phone to get his dopamine hits, so he's not really 'cold turkey'. Bit like someone who is alcohol dependent not having their favourite or usual drink to hand, but having something with alcohol in it dulls the intensity of the cravings.

Hope that you have a better day tomorrow.

formerbabe · 22/02/2020 21:48

You can really tell some of these responses aren’t from parents of a teenager

This

Iflyaway · 22/02/2020 21:50

ignore the lovely perfect mothers with small obedient children

I agree, they have no clue what is in store for them in 10-odd years time....

TryingToBeBold · 22/02/2020 21:51

You can really tell some of these responses aren’t from parents of a teenager

So.. if we were we would be agreeing that smashing up consoles is an appropriate thing to do..Hmm

ooooohbetty · 22/02/2020 21:52

Bollocks to apologising to him. He was warned not to go on them. He chose to refuse. Consequences. You did the right thing.

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