To smash up all DS screens

[OntheWaves40]

DS (14) has repeatedly ignored me when I’ve told him it’s lights out and removed his screens, he has sneaked downstairs for them, sneaked in to my bedroom when i’ve been in the bathroom for them, rooted through my drawers to look for them. The first night I confiscated his phone, the second his tablet and by the third his game console. I told him he would get them back on Sunday. This was Monday evening and since then I’ve caught him several times on one of them. Tonight he was on his tablet I grabbed it off him and smashed it up in front of him, then gathered his phone and console and threw them all out his bedroom window. His console is broke. His phone survived.
Now I don’t know what to do. He’s in his room and I’m in living room in shock.

Not apologising because you’re the parent and don’t want to be undermined when you are in the wrong is ridiculous.

Don’t get me wrong, some children might forgive you. Others might grow up and go low/no contact instead.

I usually try to avoid getting to the confiscation stage by knocking out the WiFi first-- so there isn't a physical confrontation.

If it does escalate to confiscating devices then it's key to get them out of the house so they can't get at them and you can't cave in.

With everything, it's important to be pro-active and warn about consequences before you are pushed to react and stick to whatever you've said.

So if you say "Stop doing X or the phone goes out the window," you have to be prepared to throw the phone out the window.

My mother never apologised for her bad behaviour when I was growing up either. I don't have any respect for her now.

I can't believe that people are saying not to apologise - if you don't apologise you are saying it is ok to damage other people's property if you lose your temper.

I totally understand why you wanted to. Lots of us have felt that momentarily. You acted on it. Full stop.
Now, how to move forward. Your son will be in shock as much as you are. The sooner you address this with him the better. Kids need to trust their parents as much as you need to trust them.
Someone suggested locking them in the car or give them to neighbour to keep for a bit.
If your son won’t talk reasonably then write him a letter. Keep it fair, simple and shortish.
Grown ups can make mistakes. Show your son that you went too far but you’re willing to rectify the situation if you both reach some common ground. Your son is going to feel incredibly confused right now. He probably didn’t expect you to react in this way. Show him it’s not the right way. Show him you’re better than that. Is there anything else adding pressure to your daily life?
Nights like these won’t help your son focus and study.
Clear simple rules. Comply or lose out. Be confident, but be fair.

The thing is he was in the wrong initially. Granted her reaction was a little ott but if she apologizes to him, he'll take that as weakness and what you really really don't want is your teenage son thinking he's the one in control.

Also agree with not apologising and standing your ground. And I'm confident in saying you aren't the first mother to have done it and won't be the last!
I think it's beyond ridiculous anyone suggesting it's abusive

I feel your pain OP.
I’ve been nearly driven to do similar on numerous occasions.

Parenting teenagers is extremely challenging at times and I have sympathy for you. I’ve lost control with mine before now.
Apologise and move on. You’ll laugh about it in 5 years.

It's unfortunate that it happened in a temper, but I don't disagree with him losing the devices as a result of his behaviour.

Buy a digital safe, and put it under your bed or in your wardrobe.

That way, things can be safely removed and you've got control of the situation.

You're human. No point beating yourself up over it.

I wonder if any of you have children obsessed with screens? They are the devil disguise.

He has important exams and needs to revise.

Whilst not the best reaction it totally understandable.

He's a teenage boy not a pre schooler. Don't show weakness.
@form

Perfect parent brigade are out in force.

Yes slightly shocking but I don't blame you and don't apologise you're the parent he is the child he needs to learn respect and boundaries.
I have an 11yo DSS and he was ignoring me all day not doing anything I asked because of stupid fifa and had the bollocks to tut n roll his eyes when I stood there and made him sort his clothes out.
He then kicked the washing basket down the stairs as it was easier only had his stuff in so wasn't heavy.
I then took the disk out of the console and snapped it in half.
He hasn't been rude to me again since.

He's a teenage boy not a pre schooler. Don't show weakness.
@formerbabe

She already showed weakness when she lost control and behaved so very aggressively.

I understand how frustrated she may have become but that is totally 100% unacceptable

You don’t need help, your ds needs to learn that your rules aren’t negotiable, I’d imagine this might help instill this. People saying you shouldn’t smash stuff are right but I’m guessing you bought these items, they are your property, if you choose to chuck them out the window then that’s your prerogative. Don’t replace them, he abused the privilege of having the use of them, he looses that privilege if he can’t keep within boundaries.

Smashing up his belongings and permanently destroying them is more than OTT. That’s vindictive and nasty. It would amount to criminal damage surely if she did that to anyone else. Also it’s not like her teenage son can afford to replace them. He’s probably lost his data too. Such a power imbalance.

I think opinions would be stronger if this was an angry dad that smashed his daughter’s belongings.

There’s no point making threats, carrying them and then apologising when parenting teenagers. He isn’t hurt, I’m sure his mum paid for the technology she ruined in the first place, and I’m sure she will replace them. I was guilty of empty threats with ds1, never did it with my next 2 and best thing I did carrying out threats. People are acting like she’s assaulted him. I’m sure he will survive a few days until they are replaced and I’m sure he will learn a lesson from it. Mum will too. But don’t admit that to him

I think you know you were wrong to destroy your son's property, Onthewaves.

I remember not that long ago, Kirstie Allsopp being castigated for smashing both her sons' X-boxes. There was a lot of talk about how so many children would love an X box but can't afford one whilst she, a privileged person, can smash up something of value without thinking twice. I doubt she was thinking like that when she did it (and she certainly shouldn't have gone public with it!). It all got a bit nasty.

Difference is, your son is 14 and a bit beyond 'lights out' rules. He is also entitled to feel his belongings are safe in his own home.

Our children can be very annoying sometimes, moody and stubborn, but it's all part of growing up.

Go easy on the lad, op; you'll have to replace his stuff. I expect your son is shocked by what has happened - realises he pushed things a bit far from your point of view (not his), and you may, in a short while, reach some sort of compromise. I hope so.

Good luck.

The "screen" is an addiction and he is in the prime of needing his fix for gaming or social media.
This is not your best parenting moment, however, you know that. Boundaries & respect were broken on both sides.

Apologise and install better technology controls/ safe places.

Outwit, outsmart and out play your children, so to speak. Good luck.

Wow calm down, he’s a teenager

Wow! There are times I’ve been tempted but never would! You just need to get a cupboard with a lock on it or a padlock you can put on and only you have the key or the code. At some point I feel you will end up replacing, whether birthday etc and that’s going to be expensive.
It’s time to calm everything down to be honest.

All the posts saying "you should've put them in the loft/car" etc or "OP overreacted" aren't helpful. I'm sure OP wishes she'd hidden them better, but she didn't. It's done now. The reaction was a bit OTT, but that's done now too.

I'd talk to him, but I would say "what did you expect to happen? How many more times do you think I should have to ask before you listen to me?" rather than "I'm so sorry, mum was wrong & shouldn't have reacted to your blatant disregard".

Disobedience should have consequences. He'll definitely remember this next time, that's for sure.

I smashed my 7 year olds android tablet last week. This was after weeks and weeks of a despicable attitude from him when he's on it.

I told him he wasn't allowed to go on it in the mornings (because he'll wake up early and be on it for hours). He not only went on it, he started threatening his 3yo brother "I'm going to hit you so hard in a minute..." raising his hand to him, I caught this when I got out of bed (about 6.15am, half term) to see what all the screeching was about, and saw him and heard him.

I took the tablet straight off him and went back into my room (to try and go back to bed!) put the tablet in my bedside drawer. He storms in banging the door against the wall and grabs it back screaming "I WANT IT!!" and I told him over and over and over again in a calm voice to go back to his own room and I was screamed back at. I'm a knackered single mum, my Grandad had just died, and ex had just told me he wasn't going to help out at all in half term. I just lost it and I threw it hard to the floor and it hit something and smashed. Honestly, hand on heart, he's the sweetest boy when he's not on it. It changes him.

Maybe OP had told him they would be smashed up if he kept sneaking on to them. According to MNers then OP had to follow through ...

Seriously OP you know you shouldn't have reacted like that. If you're shocked at your behaviour then you need to work out better coping mechanisms. He's 14. Parenting him may get even more frustrating before he comes out the other side of his teens.