To smash up all DS screens

[OntheWaves40]

DS (14) has repeatedly ignored me when I’ve told him it’s lights out and removed his screens, he has sneaked downstairs for them, sneaked in to my bedroom when i’ve been in the bathroom for them, rooted through my drawers to look for them. The first night I confiscated his phone, the second his tablet and by the third his game console. I told him he would get them back on Sunday. This was Monday evening and since then I’ve caught him several times on one of them. Tonight he was on his tablet I grabbed it off him and smashed it up in front of him, then gathered his phone and console and threw them all out his bedroom window. His console is broke. His phone survived.
Now I don’t know what to do. He’s in his room and I’m in living room in shock.

What you should have done is locked them away somewhere he couldn’t get to them.

Your behaviour is far far worse than your sons. That's a serious over reaction to the situation.

What worries you about his screen time? Is he not getting up for school in the morning, is he looking at inappropriate content?

@Delbelleber that makes sense, earlier in week I said similar to him but he doesn’t seem to respect me. I think now he’ll respect me less. He’s a great lad until he gets behind a screen.

You can admit you believe you handled it wrong but don't apologise. He's your (disobedient, sneaky) child and that will undermine your authority. Stand your ground OP.

This is 100% what my Mum would have done to me if screens were around in those days and I wouldn’t have blamed her. I was so defiant sometimes it takes knowing that you’ve broken someone to change your actions.

Either way hope you’re both okay, it’ll be fine in the end.

My mum knocked everything off the top of my chest of drawers once when I was a kid because my room was a mess. A few things got broken and some expensive earrings got lost which she stil blamed me for I remember being really shocked at the loss of control and vaguely annoyed tbh. I don't think I would do the same when my son is older but I can understand getting annoyed. Maybe walk away and take a breath next time though.

I once threw a kindle fire out the window after the 50th time of telling my son to stop watching things on it and get ready for school. Morning after morning. So frustrating.
Sometimes they need to understand that parents break and can pushed over the edge.
Start fresh tomorrow and ignore the lovely perfect mothers with small obedient children who will be telling you you’re a horrible abusive monster.
You’re human.
It’ll be ok.

I agree with not apologising, my Mum has never once apologised to me for anything even when she’s been wrong. Hasn’t damaged our relationship.

I would have locked them in the car/garage, maybe asked a friend or neighbour to hang on to them. Take them to work, maybe?

However, I have had this with a similarly aged child and his phone and it was hard work. I sympathise entirely with the overwhelming rage you feel have you realise that the child you thought you could trust has gone behind your back to retrieve a phone/other item. However, each time he did it, I doubled the time and in the end I found a decent hiding place. Smashing them up would, in the end, have hurt me more than him, as I would have ended up paying to replace at least some of it.

As a PP says, deep breath, start again tomorrow. If you are finding it hard to keep your temper, do have a chat to someone.

I agree with pp, don't apologise and stand your ground.

im calling bullshit

no parent will smash up hundreds of pounds worth of equipment

Thank you so much for the support. I will go and see him now and hope it doesn’t make the situation worse.

I don’t agree with smashing stuff up, but listening to my DS rage about a sodding game of FIFA makes me wish we’d never set eyes on the thing.

So if he decides to retaliate, she shouldn't expect an apology because they undermine people?

I believe an apology is a show of strength and maturity, behaviour that you want your child to have.

Putting them in the loft is better than smashing? However I completely understand and sympathise. I felt an irresistible urge to smash DHs screens several times.

A tip a friend gave me - if you have no option but to have the console in his room, take to controllers and put them under your pillow at night!

Poster who said no parent would smash up hundreds of pounds of technology has clearly never been pushed to the edge by a teenager. I only slapped my now 26yr old and told him I hated him. He was 15. I did regret it but I didn’t apologise. We are super close. He forgave me and knew he had overstepped the mark. Sometimes we do things we regret. Make him earn them back. Do not apologise. No way

So if he decides to retaliate, she shouldn't expect an apology because they undermine people?

The difference is she is the parent.

It’s an addiction. If you can start to see it like that maybe you will be able to put his behaviour into perspective a bit. If it was drugs and you were hiding them away somewhere, you know he’d be looking for them. You’re now making him go cold turkey, it will be awful! But in the long run hopefully you can help him manage responsible usage.

I must admit, if my DP had done what you did, smashing up my DCs’ stuff, I would leave him. It’s appalling parenting. But you know that and were at the end of your tether. You absolutely should apologise to him for your behaviour, in the same way you’d expect him to apologise if he broke a load of your stuff in a rage. The reason doesn’t matter, it was a spiteful way to deal with his issues.

Yes, so she should model behaviour and apologise.

What do you think he learned from that?

Tonight he was on his tablet I grabbed it off him and smashed it up in front of him, then gathered his phone and console and threw them all out his bedroom window.

I’m shocked tbh. Your reaction has made you look nasty and unhinged. Frankly it’s abusive as you went overboard, that’s absolutely unnecessary. You’re clearly struggling to cope - these are the actions of a poor parent as you’re setting such a poor example.

Yes, so she should model behaviour and apologise

He's a teenage boy not a pre schooler. Don't show weakness.