To smash up all DS screens

[OntheWaves40]

DS (14) has repeatedly ignored me when I’ve told him it’s lights out and removed his screens, he has sneaked downstairs for them, sneaked in to my bedroom when i’ve been in the bathroom for them, rooted through my drawers to look for them. The first night I confiscated his phone, the second his tablet and by the third his game console. I told him he would get them back on Sunday. This was Monday evening and since then I’ve caught him several times on one of them. Tonight he was on his tablet I grabbed it off him and smashed it up in front of him, then gathered his phone and console and threw them all out his bedroom window. His console is broke. His phone survived.
Now I don’t know what to do. He’s in his room and I’m in living room in shock.

So if a women was on here saying her husband had smashed her phone because he was frustrated with her, we are now saying it’s alright

Bullshit

He deserved them taking off him, not being smashed

While damaging the tech was not a good move, we all make mistakes as parents and no-one is perfect! To solve this problem, and save you an expensive bill of replacing items...get to know your router box, and ensure that the mobile phone has a low data package. The ultimate punishment (rarely used) in my house is to change the router password. If you don't know how to do this, ask your broadband provider or look up the procedure on the internet. It is easy to sort out.

You can take control of internet access that way, and it will not matter how many tech items are sneaked away after confiscation. Once the data limit is met on a phone, refuse to pay for top up. I would do this without telling any teens at home so you can smile at their struggles to log on.

There was a lot of talk about how so many children would love an X box but can't afford one

Good! They might pass their exams instead.

Glove box in the car. Just take the lead out of the PS4 or X box.
I really don’t blame you. We went without internet for about 6 months when teen dd was younger, then she got 4G on her phone. We were stuffed. The nastiest fight we ever had was her trying to snatch the hub away from dh.

Maintain your boundaries. Say sorry if you really are sorry, if not, don’t.
Try and get to a place where you have both compromised and both feel ok about it.

Teenagers reach inside your soul.

Just been to speak to him, he was sat on his phone bold as brass with his broken things. His lack of emotion is worrying. I think I’d prefer anger or upset to complete apathy. He did apologise and I told him this wasn’t how I wanted to spend our week together and that I hoped we could work it out together.

Absolutely over the top. You should have just got a safe to throw everything in.

The punishment should be relevant to the crime? Smashing his consoles and phone is not really appropriate?! Just shows a loss of temper really.
I remember my mum having a temper like this and many years later recall it well.
Your reaction was too much in my opinion.
Why did you want to lock them away anyway? Because of his exams? Many people go straight into work? Does he even want to carry on in education.
Or was it because he goes moody? So agree to lock them away once or twice a week.

Would it have been so hard to buy a box and padlock over the weekend and lock them away!?

Sorry OP I hadn't finished.

I won't be getting my son another tablet any time soon because of the way he behaves with them. He has notebook that he does school stuff on (coding and other school apps) and he uses that during the day so he won't miss out technology wise.

For a better punishment I suggest one of these (I wish I'd had one) :www.<a class="break-all" href="https://amazon.co.uk/Hyfive-Security-Valuable-Electronic-170x230x170mm/dp/B00F5D8FYA/ref=sr_1_6?keywords=safe&qid=1582405940&sr=8-6&tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-am-i-being-unreasonable-3830222-To-smash-up-all-DS-screens" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">amazon.co.uk/Hyfive-Security-Valuable-Electronic-170x230x170mm/dp/B00F5D8FYA/ref=sr_1_6?keywords=safe&qid=1582405940&sr=8-6

Which is what I'll be using in future.

It is a good few years ago but yes the screens/screen time do bring out the Devil.
My DS was so obsesed with online game play (with his mates ) he'd guzzle down his dinner , dash off any old shit for homework , waited until the last conceivable minute to go to the loo (and then not bother to flush or clean it

OP I get it, when you are pushed consistently eventually you snap.
You didn't hit or hurt him you broke material objects that you paid for.
Don't over apologise because he has to realise why you got to this point.
Don't replace anytime soon.
He will learn eventually.

@OntheWaves40

He apologised? You're the one that should be apologising.

He has exams next week yet you've taken time off work to take him to the cinema and played board games? Why not support and supervise him revising?

This all sounds very strange.

Why do you expect him to be able to control his urges if you can't control your own?

He’s such a happy boy until he gets behind a screen then he gets obsessed and moody this

Those of you who say "just switch off the wifi". Have you heard of 4G?

your son is 14 and a bit beyond 'lights out' rules I don't think he is. He's not 17.

I wouldn't have smashed the equipment because I am too rational to waste the money.

Not sure where I'd go from here. On the one hand I don't think he's owed an apology. But on the other I think throwing it out of the window was over the top. It will be a life lesson for him. Either he'll pull his socks up, or it will be a childhood injustice he'll harp on about for the rest of your life!

Hi op came on to see how you are? Glad you got to speak to your boy.
Onwards and all that.
Raising teens is so hard and I have come close so many times to smashing my sons game gear. Probably scared of what he'll break stops me.
You have solidarity from a tired single parent here.
Have a glass of wine and see what tomorrow brings.
Good luck and ignore some on here who have probably never even met a teenager!!

Things may have changed but when ds was that age we got the chap who sorted our computers to disable the internet gateway before exams on the desktop and ds's laptop. Not so.much on phones then.

I trust you will be rrplacing his stuff.

Just don't replace the screens

You warned him, repeatedly, and you just taught him that action - and disobedience - have consequences. That's your job as a parent.

Why are you allowing him to be on his phone right now? You don't have to smash that one by all means, but do confiscate it immediately!

Have a proper chat to him.

Explain exactly why you reacted as you did. Explain it wasn't the right course of action to your feelings but why you felt like this. Explain what you should have done and how you expect the relationship to look like in the future.

He needs to learn to respect your rules so that you don't snap and disrespect him in return.

But it needs to be sorted ASAP. If you'd hurt him and not objects it would be a whole different story.

Somewhere along the line you've lost your parental authority with your DS. The authority that says, "I'm the parent" and your DS listens to you and does as you ask. That if he disagrees, he does so respectfully.

You've lost your rag, and I get that, but is there something else happening that's led to this as it seems an overreaction?

I have teenage DC, and they can be absolute PITA to get off devices sometimes, dragging it out. But if I say "Now!" after asking them a couple of times, they do it. They know the next step is removal of devices and earlier bed time. If that didn't work, I'd pull the WiFi (never had to do that!). When ready to listen I'll explain why they need to come off their devices (they need to sleep) and that I love them and that I'd be a crap parent if I let them do what they want all the time.

Vile. I remember my dad smashing my phone up and being violent and it still scars me to this day. Horrible horrible thing to do.

@L0bstersLass I did support and supervise him revising. He wasn’t at the cinema all week, it was a 2 hour film out of a 24 hour day

Ridiculous to lose your temper in front of a child like that and smash up expensive property you sound less mature than he does.
What have you achieved?nothing positive.
And you are not ,by your comments,at all sorry for your tantrum.

Perfect parent brigade are out in force.

I'm by no means perfect but an environment where it's acceptable to smash up possessions, irrespective of who they belong to, is toxic.

You are probably more shocked than he is. I smashed an iPod by accident when taking it off my ds n felt terrible. (By slamming down on the table) He was less bothered. And is emotionally unscarred now 10 years later. It’s really hard being the mum of a teenager esp when they are screen addicts

You need a bit of space from screens now make the most of it - he still shouldn’t be sat there on his phone. Cause you said no.

Which celebrity was it who smashed her kids iPads and mumsnet was up in arms?

Thanks @maxbabi I’m also a single parent, have been for a long time. That’s why i’m here on MN, there’s no one at home I can turn to.

Those who say lock them away, I will in future but I do worry that I should have to go to those lengths. When I was younger and my mum said not to do something, I didn’t because I respected her and the rules.