To smash up all DS screens

[OntheWaves40]

DS (14) has repeatedly ignored me when I’ve told him it’s lights out and removed his screens, he has sneaked downstairs for them, sneaked in to my bedroom when i’ve been in the bathroom for them, rooted through my drawers to look for them. The first night I confiscated his phone, the second his tablet and by the third his game console. I told him he would get them back on Sunday. This was Monday evening and since then I’ve caught him several times on one of them. Tonight he was on his tablet I grabbed it off him and smashed it up in front of him, then gathered his phone and console and threw them all out his bedroom window. His console is broke. His phone survived.
Now I don’t know what to do. He’s in his room and I’m in living room in shock.

I can see why it happened.

But you lost control, you're the adult.

You know that though.

preteen and older teen.

Does that qualify me to have an opinion on this, according to you?

You would speak to the child surely and get the full story and picture. Ask if it was a recurring story? You’d have established it was a one off from a worried parent about a child with an addiction who was in no danger from her reaction and still you’d rush off clutching pearls?

If the parent threw the objects at the child it would be a whole different story. She threw them out the window and didn’t hit the child with frustration.

to clarify older teen - over 15 under 20

B1teS1ze well obviously as much as you can, without asking leading questions. And in this case I’d still report it out of concern for the mother because she seems very overwhelmed and could do with support - and concern for the child who is obviously having issues with screen addiction.

Parents in the last few years have different things to worry about and different stresses than those with older teens. Families have different circumstances and children, different things they struggle with in parenting and different ways off reacting. So no you don’t have the right to act holier than thou.

Parents doing nothing about screen addiction is worse than chucking objects out of my window imvho.

I used to put DS1's phone or laptop in the boot of the car and take them to work with me if necessary. I also have memories of having a tug of war over the laptop on more than one occasion which we laugh about now.
Find better hiding places or change your WiFi code.

This thread reminds me of the smacking thread where so many people think that smacking your child if you lose your rag with them is ok because no one can be expected to be a perfect parent all the time.

of course no one can be expected to be a perfect parent all the time, but most people realise that there are limits of acceptable behaviour and smashing up someone else's belongings is the wrong side of the line. I know OP regrets this now, but she absolutely needs to apologise for her behaviour, not play the "I'm the parent and whatever I say is right" card.

OP - I also have an addicted to screens DS. I've found it's easier to encourage alternative interests than try to remove screens. Encourage him to make plans with friends and be taxi service if necessary. Insist he gets outside for at least 30 minutes a day. Would he be interested in joining a gym or going swimming or volunteering (if he doing the DofE award)? Involve him in cooking meals or other more "fun" household jobs. Have you asked him what he feels is an acceptable amount of time to spend on screens?
I'd also suggest not going to the cinema = looking at a screen as a family outing -perhaps think of something else you can do together next time?

Re the working for exams - if he's 14, this doesn't sound like GCSEs, so there is only so much you can do re encouraging. I think many children (boys in particular, it seems) struggle with the idea of working now for something that won't happen for over another year.

My dad used to throw my brothers games (cartridges) in the garden in all weather in the 90s. The games still worked afterwards because they were built to last unlike nowadays.
I think you need to sit down with your DS and explain why you got so angry. I wouldn't apologise though or replace the items (at least until his exams are out of the way).

I’d say teens differ too. One of mine is easy to steer re screens ( far less frustrating)the other 2 not so much.

Saying you have never done something and are thus a superior parent is pointless. You don’t have the same children or circumstances.

@B1teS1ze Who is acting holier than thou? If that is to me, that isn't the question I asked you.

And what, my teen is too old now? So people aren't "qualified" to comment on this unless they are in the exact same situation as the op? You know that is ridiculous and you are carefully replying in order to discredit anyone who doesn't agree with you!

I have posted below about my defiant asd daughter, and how hard it can be to get her off screens (they are her lifeline as she is part of an online community that is her "network" because she finds rela life friendships challenging.

STILL haven't' had to resort to smashing up tech. I'm sorry that you find that hard to understand. But that's our reality.

I too take them to work. Have been lugging a laptop and phone round this half term due to one dc.

@B1teS1ze I also never claimed to be superior. I would appreciate if you would stop putting words in my mouth to fulfill your own agenda.

Great so she hands them over and doesn’t continuously sneak around and disregard her parents like the op’s ds. Your point is?

This is nothing like smacking. If it was it would be a totally different story.

Op never got her son or threw anything at him. She lost her temper which loads of patents and basically binned his screens.

No need to call SS
No need call police .

This child was never hit

So mine are 22 and 20 and not allowed to comment either, unless ive been in the same situation as OP.

Well i have my youngest trashed her room, i took everything out of her room and just left her with her bed. Put everything in the attic so she couldnt get anything.

No but 8 years ago screen usage was very different. Saying I was never driven to extreme measures therefore you’re a shit parent is pointless.

@B1teS1ze Again, where did I say that she does that? I haven't, you are making assumptions or reading into my post what isn't there. Again, you think that I haven't reached that point because she hasn't challenged me, you are very wrong.

I haven't reached that point for many different reasons, not because she isn't challenging. I don't talk about her much online, because she doesn't like, so I will stop referencing her now.

Please get it out of your head that you have to break someone's shit in order to be a "good" parent. Or that the only reaction to constantly being pushed is lashing out and smashing shit up, because it is a dangerous mind set to be in and as parents we do not need to choose that route, or else end up with "brats" who aren't disciplined. There is another path. It isn't smash up stuff v raising brats that some think.

Who is saying it’s necessary to break shit up to be a good parent?

88hello88 oh be quiet!!! It’s not abusive get a grip she’s teaching the little shit a lesson

@B1teS1ze I did not call anyone a shit parent. Once again, stop putting words in my mouth. Your agenda is loud and clear here.

And what agenda would that be?

88hello88 oh be quiet!!! It’s not abusive get a grip she’s teaching the little shit a lesson

Delightful.

OP, do you really want to take your lead from someone like this?

It’s just so hard

I think the problem (especially for lone parents ) is you feel so guilty about it - and my guilt makes me angry

When a child literally refuses , it’s a physical struggle which can turn nasty

Like I said - parenting course for me and a safe . It’s the hardest thing ever and it drives people to despair

I totally feel for you OP, and know what it's like when DC blatantly refuse to listen to your rules on screen-time. I rant on and on about how parents now have such a diffucult thing to deal with, a new parenting challenge, that make our children little monsters, takes away our authority, causes family discord, and we have little advice on how to deal with it.
So I totally understand the frustration and desperation that made you smash things up.
However - we are the parents, and I'm sure you know that that is not acceptable parenting behaviour. We teach by example. Obviously we're not perfect and we get it wrong sometimes. Personally I would apologise to DS. Then go away and google how to manage screen-time, read every bit of advice you can find on the subject. A set of rules agreed by the whole family, an explanation of why rules are necessary, the harms of too much screen-time etc.Good luck OP - you are not alone in this, I'm sure parents up and down the country feel like smashing up the screens sometimes. You need new strategies. I'm sure even with the best strategies in place, more challenges lie ahead. Good luck OP - you are not alone!