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Original poster

To smash up all DS screens

379 replies

OntheWaves40 · 22/02/2020 20:40

DS (14) has repeatedly ignored me when I’ve told him it’s lights out and removed his screens, he has sneaked downstairs for them, sneaked in to my bedroom when i’ve been in the bathroom for them, rooted through my drawers to look for them. The first night I confiscated his phone, the second his tablet and by the third his game console. I told him he would get them back on Sunday. This was Monday evening and since then I’ve caught him several times on one of them. Tonight he was on his tablet I grabbed it off him and smashed it up in front of him, then gathered his phone and console and threw them all out his bedroom window. His console is broke. His phone survived.
Now I don’t know what to do. He’s in his room and I’m in living room in shock.

OP posts:
vodkaredbullgirl · 23/02/2020 09:51

Wow you really lost it didnt you, hope you apoligised to him breaking things is not the answer.

recordbox · 23/02/2020 10:05

It truly shocks me that people think because they buy there child a phone it is the child's 'property'

Really? It 'shocks' you?

Your negative attitude towards your child shocks me more Hmm

everything my child owns belongs to me, I bought it my husband worked his ass of to pay for it

^ this part is hilarious. If you are so concerned about 'ownership'.... your husband paid for it Grin

nonsenceagain · 23/02/2020 10:06

Have been through similar with my child (not smashing screens but felt close to it). I suggest apologising for losing your temper and making clear that a new regime begins today. He can keep his phone and you should set out rules you're happy with. Make it clear that if he breaks those rules, he will lose his phone. If he acts responsibly, perhaps you can reward him. You have to be consistent. You are the parent, you enforce the rules. Give him some control, but make sure he knows that there are consequences if he breaks the rules.

Good luck. I really sympathise.

recordbox · 23/02/2020 10:07

Meant to add

No wonder teens are running round with no respect for anyone but them self these days 🤦🏻‍♀️

Destroying property will NEVER teach respect.

nonsenceagain · 23/02/2020 10:07

p.s. we take the cable out of the TV when we go to bed.

recordbox · 23/02/2020 10:09

That’s the thing with confiscating his screens he’ll sneak down and watch tv

Are you expecting him to stay in his room, isolated as well?

catsandlavender · 23/02/2020 10:12

I’m going to be completely honest, I’m a student teacher and if a child of any age cane and told me their parent had done this I would have to report it as a safeguarding concern whether PPs like it or not.
Context changes things (slightly) - parent who does this regularly vs parent who did it once as a loss of control.
However with the full context of the thread I would be very, very concerned about what was going on in your kid’s life. I wouldn’t be thinking “oh god his mums clearly an abusive maniac let’s ship him off to foster care!”
He’s clearly struggling with a screen addiction and you’re being pushed to your limit and making some absolutely mad, and wrong, choices which do not teach your son anything valuable and only serve to drive you apart.
You both need some help. Maybe consider speaking to his school because I don’t see how you can handle this situation alone.
I do feel for you but I think some posters here seem to be weirdly blasé and controlling in a way that you actually don’t seem to be.

ConcernedAuntie · 23/02/2020 10:14

Different times I know, but when I was about 14/15 I was always going off on my bike with my mates. Mum had got increasingly frustrated and angry that I was never back when I said I would be. On one occasion I went out around 2.00 in the afternoon saying I would be back at 6.00. Didn't get back until midnight. We lived in the country and I had no lights. Mum and Dad were absolutely frantic, bearing in mind there were no mobiles in those days. When I got in Mum totally lost it, from just being so scared what had happened to me. I could hear her sobbing all night. It frightened me. The next day was dustbin day and she gave my bike to the binmen because 'I couldn't be trusted and she couldn't live with the stress of it all any longer'. It was the first time I really realised what I had done to them and after that Mum and I became very close. She died 20 years ago and I miss her every day and really regret all the anguish I put her through. (I did get another bike the following Christmas though, second hand of course because Mum and Dad had no money).

So, OP. Sometimes we really need to be shocked into undestanding what effect our actions have on the peope who love us. I totally get where you are coming from.

RandomUser3049 · 23/02/2020 10:15

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Girliefriendlikespuppies · 23/02/2020 10:16

Op I have a 14yo dd so I completely understand why you reacted like you did. It's such a difficult age.

I think this time of year is rubbish as well as they are inside more generally, too old to play and going on screens is so easy.

Personally I would not replace the broken stuff and you can place limits on the phone as to how much time he spends on it. It's tricky as I want dd to be able to communicate with her friends but don't want her wasting hours on watching Tiktok videos!!

Does he like sports, swimming etc? Is there a teen gym he could go to? My dd has recently joined one local to us and loves it. Does he meet up with friends, go into town on his own?

I think to get them off screens there has to get something to replace them.

I've never bought a console, iPad etc because I don't like them so my dd only has a phone to go on.

ConcernedAuntie · 23/02/2020 10:17

Oh and she never apologised either. I was just told that I had brought it on myself and I agreed that I had.

malificent7 · 23/02/2020 10:18

Kirstie Allsop did this? Safeguarding issue?? Really??? No wonder boomers call millenials snowflakes. Sometimes kids need a wake up call.

catsandlavender · 23/02/2020 10:22

@malificent7 yeah sorry like I said whether you like it or not, I would not be doing my job if I brushed something like that off. It could be an indicator of DV.
In my opinion that’s not the case here but I definitely think that OP needs some support, and so does her son.

LittleDragonGirl · 23/02/2020 10:26

Problem this behaviour is just showing your DS that when frustrated and angry it's okay to smash things.
You need to sit down and talk to him, explain you did the wrong thing but why you did it and how you feel about his actions.

In future buy a safe and store things in there when there confiscated. In the modern day of technology obsession your DS behaviour is not unusual for a boy his age. That's why things like a safe are your best friend, and if he knows where the safe is, and that it's in the safe it will stop him routing, but theres no way hell.be able to get into any decent safe.

FrippEnos · 23/02/2020 10:26

malificent7

I am neither a "boomer" or a "millennial" yet I can see how if this was reported to the school how they would take that information and send it up the chain.

I can also see how a teenager could react to having his belongings broken by the person that is supposed to care for them unconditionally.

B1teS1ze · 23/02/2020 10:29

Safeguarding issue😂

She doesn’t touch him and threw things doing him harm out of the window. Do hope once you’re a teacher you have the time to report and follow up every incident of frustrated parenting. You’re going to be a tad busy.

And given how little support parents get for real safeguarding issues I think your”concerns” won’t be top of the pile as regards urgency.

If a child came to me and said my mum threw my Xbox out the window.I’d say were you told to come off it and how long are you on it? I’d then think finally a parent being proactive re screen time. From that it would be blatantly obvious there was no safeguarding issues to report.

Children under achieving, coming in shattered and telling me how they have tech in their rooms and are up until the small hours night after night without supervision would be something I’d act upon.

We took a hammer with other ds to 2 old laptops he was keeping secretly in his room. Advice is not to keep tech in rooms overnight and I had concerns about sites he was accessing.I can’t police more than a phone and a laptop.he is having no tech in room for a while and we’re turning a corner. He’s starting to get it.

B1teS1ze · 23/02/2020 10:32

They would not take it up the chain. It would be clear it was a concerned otherwise regular parent trying to keep them away from something doing them harm, the child was in no danger.

What is there to act upon?

Bagofoldbones · 23/02/2020 10:35

catsandlavender and your inexperience shines through. Report what?! Have you actually been on a safeguarding course?

Your either lying or you haven’t spent enough time in a class room. Because if you had you’d see there was far more important things to ‘report’ about.

catsandlavender · 23/02/2020 10:43

Yep, I’ve been on many safeguarding courses. Worked in schools for five years. I’m not interested in arguing with you about this - I would not be doing my job properly if I didn’t report it.

The thing people don’t seem to understand about safeguarding is that you HAVE to report the small things. You absolutely can’t write stuff off if it makes you concerned. I have gone to my DSL with something very small which imo indicated neglect, and I didn’t know that my DSL had a large folder of other small things reported by other staff. You honestly never know if your report is going to be the one that makes the DSL think it’s time to make a call. I’ve had awful disclosures too, but you have a duty to report the things that seem small as well. Also, I would report stuff that I thought was from a parent being overwhelmed, because the school has a duty to support them.

Anyway it’s getting off topic but to the PP who said “you won’t have time to report everything when you qualify” - safeguarding is literally the most important part of my job Smile

catsandlavender · 23/02/2020 10:44

Also would you all rather the staff in your school took a blasé attitude and wrote stuff off? Don’t think so.

yellowallpaper · 23/02/2020 10:56

What you should have done is get a large lockable box and put all items in there locked away. How crazy is it to smash up equipment because you can't control your child or your temper. What a disgraceful example. Your DS will grow up to do the same to his wife and children if you carry on like this.

FrippEnos · 23/02/2020 11:00

B1teS1ze

What is there to act upon?

Violence in the home
Emotional abuse
Emotional welfare
Mental health
A Parent that is clearly not coping

As a teacher you are aware that you are legally required to report this?

Bagofoldbones · 23/02/2020 11:12

14 year old boy - ‘miss my mum through all my screens out of the window’

T.T ‘why?’

14 year old boy - ‘because she was pissed off I wouldn’t study and wouldn’t come off them’

T.T - ‘gasp!’ Clutches pearls and runs off to ‘file a report’

Experienced T- ‘why didn’t you come off them then? You know studying is important’

14 year old boy - ‘yeah I know...’

slipperywhensparticus · 23/02/2020 11:16

My son has asked me if I was going to smash up his consoles (being aggressive towards me) I said hell no I'm taking them to work and KEEPING THEM THERE

FrippEnos · 23/02/2020 11:18

Bagofoldbones

Try brushing up on the dos and don't of disclosure.

Both you and B1tes1ze are asking leading questions. B1tes1ze has even blamed the child for the actions of the parent.