To smash up all DS screens

[OntheWaves40]

DS (14) has repeatedly ignored me when I’ve told him it’s lights out and removed his screens, he has sneaked downstairs for them, sneaked in to my bedroom when i’ve been in the bathroom for them, rooted through my drawers to look for them. The first night I confiscated his phone, the second his tablet and by the third his game console. I told him he would get them back on Sunday. This was Monday evening and since then I’ve caught him several times on one of them. Tonight he was on his tablet I grabbed it off him and smashed it up in front of him, then gathered his phone and console and threw them all out his bedroom window. His console is broke. His phone survived.
Now I don’t know what to do. He’s in his room and I’m in living room in shock.

I’m not going to agree with you, bagofoldbones. Sorry. You can keep making digs all you like.

I'll just add to this, that in the context of one horrific domestic abuse incident, my ex boyfriend cracked my laptop over his knee and threw my phone down the stairs, before he assaulted me physically. Among the charges was one of Criminal Damage.

FrippEnos Totally with you.

I know the shame an embarrassment of being abused - both by a parent and subsequently a boyfriend.

Poor lad, at a very crucial age, is now going to have to admit to his friends, that his mother smashes up his stuff.

I think OP, you seriously need to seek help here. You seem to think that he's your minion and that he has no free choice. Boundaries certainly - but criminal damage?

Fripp it’s all relative. Run off and file reports till your hearts content but on this occasion I wouldn’t be filing anything.

Maybe you just work in really middle class schools where every one is wrapped in cotton wool. Because the schools I’ve been in are more concerned with children that come to school with no coats when it’s snowing, or the child’s hair stinks of weed, or they have unexplained bruising, complaining they are hungry as they haven’t eaten or fall asleep in class.

I doubt this lad is going to go complain to a teacher. More likely he will be discussing it with his mates whilst they are laughing - hopefully an eager TT won’t be eavesdropping..

Yes you are unreasonable.
As are all who agreed with you.
I strongly suggest all of you try some patenting classes followed by an anger management course.

This level if loss of control is unacceptable as is such an abusive display of your power if I child client of mine divulged this information to me during a session, I would phone social services and report you. If a partner did this not a parent it would be classed as domestic violence. What a way to destroy a child's faulty in you and the relationship.

Finding out why he was so drawn to his electronics would have been a good start..you know a conversation and some guidance and support offered.
I strongly suggest you seek help.
Unforgivable behaviour

OP

Firstly - we locked them in the boot of the car instead.

Secondly - Talk to your DS when everything has calmed down. You can tell him that you don’t regret depriving him of the screens but you do regret how you did it.

Thirdly - does he do any activities outside the home e.g. sport, scouts, cadets. I have two boys 12 and 16 and both do sports and activities outside of school. They get physically tired, they get taught to work with others, they get reminded that they have to play by the rules. It may also give your DS some extra male role models.

OP says he's watching TV. Crime of the century for a 14 year old?

He's hardly going to engage with you OP is he?

Unforgivable behaviour

So you’d rather him be removed in to care?

Yeah ok

TBH being in care sounds relatively good compared to dealing with criminal behaviour from your mother.

Good for you OP. You won’t get much support from the permissive parenting lot on MN. As you’ve stated; he was warned enough and the lack of respect he showed you warranted a big stand in my opinion. Lack of discipline is why there is a whole generation of self entitled brats thinking the world owes them a living. These were his luxury belongings and he wasn’t deserving of them. Don’t feel bad; sometimes being a parent means being the bad guy. Xx

If it was the other way round and the son smashed stuff that belonged to you. Im sure as hell you would have got the police in or social services.

By now, I think enough pp have told op that it was a mistake to smash the screens. It showed lack of control, damaged items that didn't actually belong to her, and will be costly if they are ultimately replaced.

However, I can see how you were pushed to the edge op. You tried leaving them downstairs, or in your bedroom, but he retrieved them. It is shocking that he doesn't care when you are angry or upset, and it must be very frustrating for you.

I agree with the good advice you've already had - talk to him when you're both calm, leave the devices with a friend or neighbour, and hope that he has done enough to pass his exams.

I don't think the op has registered anything other than the strict parents who concur with her. Hence the post this morning about the poor lad daring to watch TV.

If it was the other way round and the son smashed stuff that belonged to you. Im sure as hell you would have got the police in or social services

He is 14 and it was a one off so I doubt it.

Bagofoldbones

Are you an “experienced T”?

shudup obviously you’ve no idea what being in care is like then? And he wouldn’t be taken in to care because of it!

Because the schools I’ve been in are more concerned with children that come to school with no coats when it’s snowing, or the child’s hair stinks of weed, or they have unexplained bruising, complaining they are hungry as they haven’t eaten or fall asleep in class.

I totally agree with this.

Schools haven’t got the time to police one off incidents and if you somehow expect schools to do any kind of referral that take years to be seen for suicidal kids, self harmers, drug addicted adolescents then you have another think coming.

The staff would probably back a parent taking back control of these entitled teens.

Like PP said kids not concentrating, not focused, not engaged, etc etc

It’s an addiction and the sooner we all put in place controls these kids are going to end up brain dead and unable to function.

😂😂😂Parents ringing police or ss when their teens break something belonging to their parents. Who would do that?

“unforgivable”- a worried mother dealing with her son’s addiction snapped. Do me a favour and save the word for proper parenting failure eg parents doing zilch when their dc clearly have an addiction which has an impact on their physical&mental health, education and future.

Do some MNers actually live in the real world?

Marie I taught school children sports for over ten years in school and off site. I also worked as a TA for a brief spell years ago.

This lad would not go in to care because of this. Many many families have flare ups like this. Particularly at this age. It really isn’t worth the pearl clutching some posters are doing.

@Mallysmomma Lack of discipline is why there is a whole generation of self entitled brats thinking the world owes them a living

And let's look at who is raising them, shall we? Entitled parents who run their households on fear and demand "respect" when they show very little to their children and their children's belongings.

I have never needed to resort to this, and neither of my children are brats, self entitled or otherwise.

@shudup I don't think the op has registered anything other than the strict parents who concur with her. Hence the post this morning about the poor lad daring to watch TV.

Agree.

Ive been there with teenagers but have never smashed their stuff up.

Different what age are your children?

bagofoldbones Honestly I think your attitude is really unprofessional. You’re prepared to let your own beliefs about parenting inform your decision in a potential disclosure. You also seem unable to understand that just because some children face bigger issues, that we should ignore smaller ones.

I have worked in middle class schools. It was there that I had the worst disclosure. I now work in a school in a deprived area. I would take the same approach to this in either school.

Honestly you might say you’re experienced but we all are constantly learning and if the worst you can say is that I’m too eager about safeguarding then it’s not really an insult. I’d much rather be too eager and report something that wasn’t taken further than scoff at a child who might be trying to tell me something.

I attended a job where a 13 year old had called police because his mum had thrown his xbox out into the garden because he wouldn't stop playing it and get ready for school.