Adult thumb sucking

[Chester1980]

My 40 year old husband sucks his thumb. He does it at home, but not in public (although if he’s drunk he might try and sneak a quick thumb suck). He asl has a blanket. He can’t sleep without it and whenever at home and relaxing he is always sucking and pulling the blanket through his fingers.

I know this is selfish, but he puts this before being affectionate to me. He doesn’t like cuddles etc unless he’s horny. It’s like he’s in this little world and in a daze when he’s got his blanket and thumb.

We’ve spoken about it - I won’t push him to stop, but did mention that as our toddler gets older he might tell people and he should be prepared. He said he can give up whenever, but it never happened.

I just want to see if there are other adult thumb suckers out there who are the same? Does my husband have a deep routed anxiety that this is soothing, or is it just a habit?
Bookmark

I was sucking my thumb as I spotted this. I do it when I'm really tired, it's never stopped me being affectionate though and I don't have a blanket. Is your DH tired?

errr puts hand up slowly!! with immense shame I confess to being like your husband and I am nearly 50! I dont do it any other time than before I drop off to sleep always have ....runs away embarrassed! I dont know if its anything but a habit for I dont suffer with any insecurities or anxiety been a parent for nearly 30 years too and non of my children do this so I guess its just me and a habit if i think about it...thing is its not a conscious thing I am aware of doing ..like i dont think right i am sleepy i will suck my thumb if you get what i mean it just happens and i never wake up doing it either...one of lifes many mysteries OP!

Thanks for your response. He’s not tired (he might be- but he doesn’t do the night wakes with our Son, so in my mind he can’t be :)).He does it all the time at home - if he loses his blanket, he’ll spend ages looking for it. He does it in a jokey way, but you can tell there’s a mild panic.

Thanks @Sallycinammonbangsthedruminthe. Don’t be ashamed! I read that actually one in ten adults do it. I’m not sure how conscious it is for my husband. The blanket needing is definitely conscious. He will always pack it in his bag if we go away.

He once put it in the bin .....and I’ll admit I took it out because I was worried he’d be anxious without it!

I dated someone who sucked their thumb, but only when they were tired and it didn’t interfere with our affection or intimacy. I think that’s your biggest issue

Why did he put it in the bin?

God I'm sorry but I couldn't watch a man sucking his thumb and playing with his blankie and think that's a man I want to have sex with.

Just goes to show when people say "oh don't worry your 2yo won't still be ducking their thumb as an adult"... you never know do you?!

I sucked my thumb until I was 8 and I remember my parents making a big effort to get me to stop because I was too old and it was ruining my teeth!

@candlesblanketsandtea I think to force himself to stop. I don’t think the blanket could be replaced....he doesn’t do it with any other cloths...it has to be that particular material

my mum always said she should have given me a dummy but she hated those !

I try and think of it like me as a nail biter. But it’s just part of him. As a tired mum though, sex isn’t at the forefront of my mind. I did ban him from thumb sucking in the time before and after sex though...!!

I suck my thumb and play with my belly button and have done as long as I can remember. I do it when I'm tired and it's not something I consciously do but people around me know I suck my thumb so I probably do it more than I am aware of.

I don't think it stops me from being affectionate but I don't like being touched whilst I'm sucking my thumb, I don't know why that is though.

My husband used to hold his thumb in his mouth when tired. I play with my ears when tired. Everyone has their quirks.

I think thats a massive turn off, like he needs comforting as if he were a small child. Not at all masculine. I simply couldn't put up with that at all.

I used to bite my nails and still play with my ears. I'm a fidget and that carries over into when I'm tired. Sometimes I hair twirl too, or chew my lips.

I do, I am so embarrassed that I do, and have over the years tried very hard to stop. But it's when I'm very tired, I will suck my thumb and stroke my eyebrow. Fortunately none of my children do, although when my dd who has asd, has a shutdown, she can be found under a table sucking her thumb.

I'm coming on for 39 and I suck my thumb.

In my case I'm pretty sure it's due to adoption trauma as a young infant.

Let him be! It's not the end of the world.

@tooner do men need to be masculine all the time? I wonder how much that kind of comment leads to feelings of shame in men that aren’t “masculine” :(

I'll admit I was shocked when I first saw an adult sucking their thumb. He was a surgeon by that time. He'd been sent to boarding school aged 5 so I just thought he was very deeply damaged. Obviously ignorant of me.

It sounds as if you're a bit ambiguous about it - afraid of disrupting it but also worried about it. Have you discussed it?

@Bezalelle it’s definitely not the end of the world and I’m certainly not beating on him about it. My post is about trying to understand it and concern about there being an underlying anxiety

The thumb sucking I understand but the blanket is bloody awful.

You took it out of the bin when he threw it away? Are you his mummy? Jeez he's a grown man!

I think it’s awful personally, I couldn’t deal with it in a partner.

I sucked my thumb into my 20s. I eventually lost interest. For me, it’s less the thumb sucking and more than he seeks intimacy and comfort from this to the detriment of your relationship. Does he have anxiety? If so, he needs to have to addressed and I know it’s not easy but it may help you connection together.

I personally think thumb sucking is related to some early separation from the mother, or not being breastfed when needed, so trauma-related. I sucked my thumb into my twenties and my mum certainly pushed me away from a very young age (as a baby) as she followed some parenting advice at the time to basically not pick your baby up and comfort them when needed, restrict breastfeeds, and then when they cry all the time call a 'crysis' helpline that she often tells me about!

@PermanentTemporary you’re spot on. We have discussed it and he will be jokey and say he does it because it’s awesome. I’ve never pushed it in any way that it could be related with anything in his past. My worry is that something in his childhood - he was brought up in that kind of environment where boys shouldn’t cry and need to be men. A lovely family - but that kind of thing that it was shameful for boys to be upset maybe. He does not like to talk about emotions at all or anything personal...even to me as his wife!