Adult thumb sucking

[Chester1980]

My 40 year old husband sucks his thumb. He does it at home, but not in public (although if he’s drunk he might try and sneak a quick thumb suck). He asl has a blanket. He can’t sleep without it and whenever at home and relaxing he is always sucking and pulling the blanket through his fingers.

I know this is selfish, but he puts this before being affectionate to me. He doesn’t like cuddles etc unless he’s horny. It’s like he’s in this little world and in a daze when he’s got his blanket and thumb.

We’ve spoken about it - I won’t push him to stop, but did mention that as our toddler gets older he might tell people and he should be prepared. He said he can give up whenever, but it never happened.

I just want to see if there are other adult thumb suckers out there who are the same? Does my husband have a deep routed anxiety that this is soothing, or is it just a habit?
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As a rational adult, U2, how on earth can you accept your brain trying to convince you that sucking your thumb makes you safer? If a bomb was dropping nearby you wouldn’t be any safer if you sucked your thumb, your priority would be running and finding shelter somewhere, not sinking to your knees and sucking your thumb.

It’s like something has gone wrong with a person’s emotional development as a child and they have never developed the skill to deal with reality.

I can totally understand this in someone who has had a neglectful or traumatic childhood and have seen this through work in fostered teens. But in an adult I would be gently suggesting that they get some therapy to suggest they explore the cause of their reliance on babyhood habits into adulthood.

No of course men don't have to be masculine all of the time. Perhaps I should have chose a different word like 'adult'. The two comfort things he relies on so heavily are obviously very child like and it would personally put me off him as my husband.

The thumb sucking is bad enough but also needing the blanket is just plain weird to me and I would be annoyed that he puts those two things before being affectionate to his wife.

You seem to be fairly understanding of the whole thing and to be honest I think he is very lucky to have found a wife who is willing to put up with it.

I do it and I'm 34. No childhood trauma as far as I'm aware. Mostly when I'm tired. Doing it right now actually I try not to do it too blatently around DH (although he's not arsed) but sometimes find myself doing it on the sofa late at night. My teeth are fine too.

DD1 has always sucked her thumb since she was a baby as she would never take a dummy. DD2 is content with her dummy. Everyone has a vice. I don't smoke or drink so I guess this is mine.

PS: I would find the blanket thing a bit creepy, although I don't like children having comfort blankets either to be honest.

My sister still sucks her thumb at 44, I also had an ex boyfriend that did it, he was so relieved when I found out and didn't have an issue with it. For those saying it's not masculine, grow up! How would the tables be turned if a man was to say anything like that about a woman??

And OP,it sounds like the only time he wants to cuddle YOU is when there is sex involved. That really isn’t healthy. EVERYONE deserves to have physical affection where there is no expectation of sex. It’s a need that is deep within all mammals, including humans. From birth. I wouldn’t be able to go without that from my chosen life partner. To think that he would prefer to take himself off on his own with his blankie and his thumb for his non-sexual comforts rather than cuddle up to me would be a deal breaker for me.

There is a lot more to this man that sucking his thumb and having a blanket! He’s got a great sense of humour, he’s incredibly intelligent, He’s an amazing dad! Not just a thumb sucker....it’s just something he does. He could have habits that are a lot worse.

I sucked my thumb from babyhood until I was 11 or so- funnily enough at the time I discovered smoking. I think I still do it in my sleep sometimes, my thumb feels like I have anyway. But consciously sucking my thumb now feels weird. Still on balance, would probably have been healthier ro keep doing it than start smoking

In your husband’s situation I think I would try to transfer my habit to boiled sweets or something.

Out of interest, OP, does he find pleasure in cuddling your child? Or do you think he just tolerates it when your child goes to him for a cuddle? I’m going to assume that he doesn’t actually push your child away when they approach him for a cuddle?

@CurlyhairedAssassin

And OP, it sounds like the only time he wants to cuddle YOU is when there is sex involved. That really isn’t healthy. EVERYONE deserves to have physical affection where there is no expectation of sex. It’s a need that is deep within all mammals, including humans. From birth. I wouldn’t be able to go without that from my chosen life partner.

To think that he would prefer to take himself off on his own with his blankie and his thumb for his non-sexual comforts rather than cuddle up to me would be a deal breaker for me.

This. Definitely a deal breaker for me if a man sucked his THUMB in adulthood. And as for the cuddling his blankie thing... No. Just NO.

As a rational adult, U2, how on earth can you accept your brain trying to convince you that sucking your thumb makes you safer?

I enjoy it, I find it comforting. I only do it at home, mostly in bed before going to sleep, or when I am tired. I know it doesn't keep me safe. That was the wrong word to use, it is just comforting and relaxing.

It’s like something has gone wrong with a person’s emotional development as a child and they have never developed the skill to deal with reality.

I have plenty of methods to deal with life. I am not reliant on sucking my thumb. If I was doing it constantly then it would be a problem, but for me it isn't a problem at all and if my thumb was cut off I dare say I would manage just as well in life.

45 proud thumb sucker. Just going to sleep though. It gives me comfort and hurts no one. My teeth are fine.

@Chester1980

There is a lot more to this man that sucking his thumb and having a blanket! He’s got a great sense of humour, he’s incredibly intelligent, He’s an amazing dad! Not just a thumb sucker....it’s just something he does. He could have habits that are a lot worse.

You're coming across as a bit defensive and desperate now. Trying to sell us his supposed 'good bits' isn't changing the fact that a GROWN MAN sucks his thumb and cuddles his blanket is not something people find acceptable or normal. I couldn't be with a man who does this.

@Chester1980

There is a lot more to this man that sucking his thumb and having a blanket! He’s got a great sense of humour, he’s incredibly intelligent, He’s an amazing dad! Not just a thumb sucker....it’s just something he does. He could have habits that are a lot worse.

You're coming across as a bit defensive and desperate now. Trying to sell us his supposed 'good bits' isn't changing the fact that a GROWN MAN sucks his thumb and cuddles his blanket. And it's something most people don't find acceptable or normal. I couldn't be with a man who does this.

Sorry no.

That's a hard pass for me.

Like an adult baby. Makes me a bit queasy at the thought if I'm honest.

I sucked my thumb until I was 32.

Stopping the habit was harder than quitting smoking and losing 90lbs in weight! Found those easy in comparison.

I had a traumatic childhood and it was an automatic source of comfort.

My teeth were badly alligned and I had a huge overbite from so many years of thumb sucking, so I got braces and HAD to stop the habit. I had to wrap my thumb in layers of plasters every night and tape it during the day.

My teeth are so much better now, but I admit nothing is quite as comforting for me as I remember thumb sucking was.

Luckily my DH thought it was cute!

I’d find it a huge turn off. Horses for courses though.

@CurlyhairedAssassin he doesn’t push our child away, no. He is like it in public - ie. if friends and other family go in for a cuddle and/or a kiss on the cheek as a greeting he will prefer a hand shake.

And yes - it does get to me in terms of me not getting the day to day affection.

@Chester1980

......he puts it before being affectionate to me. He doesn’t like cuddles etc unless he’s horny. It’s like he’s in this little world and in a daze when he’s got his blanket and thumb.

So many red flags here. I don't know how you can be with him tbh. Especially as he only shows you interest/affection when he wants a shag.

Seriously, you deserve better than this. Raise your standards woman!

I'm 23 and still do it and it's so silly I wish I could stop but I can't sleep without it😪

My sister still sucks her thumb occasionally. She's 37.

God the attitudes of people on here. Men not being manly enough! Obviously there’s something wrong with them No wonder male suicide is the biggest killer of men under 45. Because they can’t have even a slight flaw that may make them seem less masculine.

Thumb sucking doesn’t harm anyone. Fair enough if you don’t personally like it, but shaming someone for their comfort because of your own issues regarding how men should be perceived is not on.

I used to go out with a grown adult who would suck his thumb during sex.

Nope nope nope nope!!!

I’m 25 and suck my thumb on a night or when I’m tired. Although I must admit it doesn’t effect my relationship...