Adult thumb sucking

[Chester1980]

My 40 year old husband sucks his thumb. He does it at home, but not in public (although if he’s drunk he might try and sneak a quick thumb suck). He asl has a blanket. He can’t sleep without it and whenever at home and relaxing he is always sucking and pulling the blanket through his fingers.

I know this is selfish, but he puts this before being affectionate to me. He doesn’t like cuddles etc unless he’s horny. It’s like he’s in this little world and in a daze when he’s got his blanket and thumb.

We’ve spoken about it - I won’t push him to stop, but did mention that as our toddler gets older he might tell people and he should be prepared. He said he can give up whenever, but it never happened.

I just want to see if there are other adult thumb suckers out there who are the same? Does my husband have a deep routed anxiety that this is soothing, or is it just a habit?
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I'd find it extremely off-putting, to be honest, but since you've put up with it for so long, it might be hard to convince him to change.

If he ever decides again that he wants to throw out his blanket, I'd let him. Surely he'll find other ways to cope with anxiety. He won't have a nervous breakdown over the loss of the blanket, right?

There are so many other more socially acceptable (and hygienic) habits he could adopt for self-soothing. Maybe a fidget toy?

I'm 41 and suck my middle finger and have a ribbon I pull through my fingers, am I embarrassed no, not at all. My husband tells me he finds it cute. I only do it when I'm in my home, watching the TV or in bed for I sleep. I find it comforting. I don't find anything wrong with doing it, male of female.

I know a few adults who suck their thumbs which makes me think many more must do in secret.

I wonder whether fewer of our children’s generation will because dummies don’t seem to have the same negative connotations now that my parents’ generation seem to have about than.

@yetwig I have serious concerns over an adult male that finds a grown woman suckling her fingers and winding a ribbon through her fingers like a child.
It's disturbing.

there's alot of admissions on here rather disturbing ... 😏

Oh my gosh!! I am so sad to admit that I'm a thumb sucker! Though no-one really knows! My mum thinks I gave up around age 10!

The only time I suck my thumb is when I'm on my own, and in bed (or sometimes in the lounge if DH gone to bed!!) - I face away from DH in bed and suck away!! We've been married 10 years and I've convinced myself he has no idea (as I'm soooo ashamed!!), But I guess he must know!!! He's never said anything though! I think he must know Im ashamed of it as I try and hide it! (Or maybe he really doesnt know!)

Oh the shame!! I hate it!!! I wish I could stop!!

My DS has stereotypies (hand flapping and clapping and stuff - no ASD and no traits, just the movements ) and I recently read that thumb sucking is also a stereotypy, and hand flapper kids often have thumb sucker parents!

My DH would rather sit at the opposite end if the sofa with his thumb than cuddle me. It is a turn off. Also, the wet TV remote is gross.
It's actually toned down a lot since we had children - on reflection I don't think they've ever seen him do it, so I think he's made a conscious decision.

But he definitely doesn't turn to others for comfort & I genuinely don't think he understands the concept of non-sexual intimacy - he got really upset when I said he was 'an island' (it was in context of something on TV at the time) but he is.

I hear you OP.

DD sucks her thumb, she is 13.
She was breastfed on demand and never left to cry it out, I have a scan photo from my pregnancy and she is very clearly sucking her thumb.
She does it when she is tired and I don’t think she knows she’s doing it tbh half the time.

I'm a thumb sucker :( hate it I don't even know I'm doing it

I sucked my thumb from being a newborn. Refused a dummy. My mum always said if she feels the need to sick her thumb, then that's fine. As I got older I only did it at home. I randomly stopped when I was about 25. No idea why. No conscious decision to do so. Ten years on from then I'll periodically suck my thumb to see if I still get that same comforting feeling, but I honestly don't. It's weird!

@BobbyBlueCat
Agree, a lot of very odd admissions.
The fact pp can choose when they do these behaviours would suggest these habits could be given up, adults sucking thumbs, having ribbons, blankets etc is infantile and there’s no need, doesn’t say much for the OHs thinking it’s ok or cute 🙄 standards are low.

Where did you read the stat about thumb sucking?? I highly doubt it’s 1 in 10

I suck my thumb in the privacy of my own home when I’m tired or anxious. Doesn’t stop me from being warm or affectionate at all. But honestly I would really struggle to stop - it’s such a deeply ingrained habit.

To those who appear to be appalled by adults sucking their thumbs, I do not understand why there is so much policing and condemnation of other peoples perfectly harmless behaviour.

I'm autistic and like many autistic people, I burn myself out masking (for anyone who doesn't know, masking is where autistic people learn and perform certain behaviour and force themselves to suppress others in order to appear more neurotypical).

If people were more accepting of difference, the world would be a better place for everyone (including thumb suckers).

Hmm... DH sucks his thumb and has a blanket...

Yesterday a thread about a DH who wore nappies to bed was deleted.

Does your DH wear nappies to bed too?

🚩

I think thumb sucking is one thing - it can be a habit just like biting your nails can be. Having a blanket he is attached to and actually sucks on (or did I misunderstand that part?) is something completely different. I don't think I could bring myself to have sex with someone who does that.

Regarding the post above about belly button playing and thumb sucking together, this is something I have read about a few times via the web, it is a habit picked up by foetuses in the womb learning to feed by the mouth whilst simultaneously stimulating the umbilical cord for food and in my case it has become perennialised by habit, but I am an Asperger's sufferer stroke survivor and it may be what is called stimming to self sooth, frankly I don't fully understand it all, but what I have is an acutely socially unacceptable habit prone to misinterpretation by the wider public, but, having said that, when I was caught out and talked to by a few members of the public, no-one said, stop it, it's disgusting, on one occasion I found a fellow thumb sucker at Chester station, no, we did not sit together she was going elsewhere but I wonder would there have been the two of us on a train, two adults indulging? A sight, surely, seldom seen.

I do that still, it's all about learning to feed via the mouth rather than the umbilical cord, the baby is fiddling at the belly button to stimulate more food input and sucking at the thumb to learn to feed. I was teased by my family as they thought I looked like a pop star, strumming a guitar and singing into a microphone. I only got diagnosed autistic ten years ago and I think that it is now neurologically hardwired into my brain, unundoable.

Adult thumb sucking is a lot like folding one's legs: habit, comfort, posture.