Adult thumb sucking

[Chester1980]

My 40 year old husband sucks his thumb. He does it at home, but not in public (although if he’s drunk he might try and sneak a quick thumb suck). He asl has a blanket. He can’t sleep without it and whenever at home and relaxing he is always sucking and pulling the blanket through his fingers.

I know this is selfish, but he puts this before being affectionate to me. He doesn’t like cuddles etc unless he’s horny. It’s like he’s in this little world and in a daze when he’s got his blanket and thumb.

We’ve spoken about it - I won’t push him to stop, but did mention that as our toddler gets older he might tell people and he should be prepared. He said he can give up whenever, but it never happened.

I just want to see if there are other adult thumb suckers out there who are the same? Does my husband have a deep routed anxiety that this is soothing, or is it just a habit?
Bookmark

My son, who is a young adult sucks his thumb at home but not in public. I have a photo of him 40 minutes old,sucking his tiny thumb so I think it began in the womb and is very much part of him. I hope he finds someone like you OP who will accept this part of him, you sound lovely.

The thing is only he can make the change and get help if he has anxiety or a deep rooted problem. I find the blanket thing pretty weird. Does he want to give that up or change? If not you have to accept him as he is.

@LabiaMinoraPissusFlapus this!! This is what I was wondering too. I respond to my son every time and don’t restrict or limit breastfeeding for this reason.

Meh, dh helps me choose which of my stuffed animals collection I want to sit with and sleep with that evening. He embraces it because its who I am and he promised to love me through it all when we got married. I'm presuming you knew this about your dh when you married him?!

(mine has never got in the way of intimacy though!)

I used to go out with a grown adult who would suck his thumb during sex.

I had to dump him. It was bad enough watching him do it in front of the telly or as he fell asleep but as we were actually shagging was too much.

I sucked my thumb until I went to secondary school. Maybe it was an attachment thing, I spent some time in hospital as a kid and in those days they sent parents home at the end of visiting hours even for toddlers. I stopped when I went to secondary school because I knew it wasn't something that big girls did. I'm afraid I do think it's one of those things that adults should try and give up if they haven't just grown out of it but I realise that's unfashionable.

It's not something I could have in a partner but I couldn't have a nail biter either. It takes all sorts.

My brother does it he's 40 something and he's been in prison for a violent crime so you don't get much more "masculine" than that...

I think it's one of those quirks that won't change. You'll just have to live with it I suspect because it's a deeply subconscious thing as far as I can see.

Nothing to do with masculinity but god what a massive turn off that is, it's very infantilising and would make my skin crawl.

It's not 'awesome' is it really, it's unhygienic, sexually inappropriate, affects your romantic relationship as adults, will have most likely caused dental issues. If it's this much of a thing for him OP it's not going to stop, especially if everyone panders to it as though it's normal. He won't need comfort or intimacy elsewhere if he is self pacifying for his own sake as well as other she should want to stop and seek adult ways to deal with his emotions. It's not unreasonable to expect him to do that, he is an adult.

Nah sorry I could not look at a grown man sucking his thumb and snuggling into a blanket and get the horn... nope!

I think there are bigger issues here though op in that he doesn't show you any affection.

it's a NO from me too

I suck my thumb.

It does not get in the way of intimacy.

I do it for comfort. It makes me feel safe, so I guess it results from my childhood somewhat. Thankfully it has never seemed to bother my husband.

My brother does it he's 40 something and he's been in prison for a violent crime so you don't get much more "masculine" than that...

What bacon said. It’s very far from normal and I find it shocking that you would remove the blanket from the bin when he has clearly done that because he realised that it’s a very odd habit for a grown man to have. Why on earth would you be encouraging something like that?

There is a reason that you don’t see adults sucking dummies and that’s because their parents realise that at a certain age, apart from the damage to their teeth, a child needs to learn to cope with normal feelings of everyday anxiety with internal thought processes and not with something external. It’s not healthy.

I think you'd probably need to speak to a psychologist to get a proper understanding but IMO putting it down to crying it out as a baby or not breastfeeding on demand is a bit of a stretch, as that would mean we'd have several nationwide generations of adult thumb suckers! In fact I know many maternal, caring mothers now who don't breastfeed on demand and none of their kids suck their thumbs. It may be related to past trauma but let's not make this an opportunity to simplistically bash parenting styles.

Can I just make it clear it does not stop intimacy!! He very much still wants the intimacy...he just struggles with the cuddles when it’s not associated with sex. It’s just that he would happily sit and do that watching TV rather than snuggle up on the sofa together.

@Notsure94

My brother does it he's 40 something and he's been in prison for a violent crime so you don't get much more "masculine" than that...

What the fuck have I just read?!

There is nothing 'masculine' about being a violent criminal.

NOTHING.

@dontgobaconmyheart

It's not 'awesome' is it really, it's unhygienic, sexually inappropriate, affects your romantic relationship as adults, will have most likely caused dental issues. If it's this much of a thing for him OP it's not going to stop, especially if everyone panders to it as though it's normal.

He won't need comfort or intimacy elsewhere if he is self pacifying for his own sake as well as other she should want to stop and seek adult ways to deal with his emotions. It's not unreasonable to expect him to do that, he is an adult.

All of this. It's grim, and would put me RIGHT off a man, Sucking his thumb and holding his blankie... Really???

Not thumb sucking but my partner has a silky top that he won't go to bed without, he pulls it through his fingers and strokes it.
He had to go into hospital for an operation and took it with him! At visiting time his bil asked him what it was and he told him quite openly. Bil looked at me as if to say "WTF!" I just shrugged. Btw my partner is 60 😂

i do this, suck my thumb and weirdly fold my ears over into themselves when i go to sleep

I was being ironic about a pp who said she couldn't bear the thought of it as it wasn't masculine. My point was things traditionally seen as "masculine" e.g. aggression and violence doesn't equal desirable

@leomama81 not bashing parenting skills. Different people will react in different ways and it is entirely possible that it does impact people in that way, as sucking thumbs gives the same kind of comfort as breastfeeding does. It doesn’t mean that if effects everyone in the same way. Some might not need that comfort and some may.

@Notsure94

I was just being ironic...

Yeah sure you were.

I’m in my 30’s and I sick my thumb, particularly when I am tired. I find it comforting.

In my case I was raised in an unstable home and have never had the greatest relationship with my mum. Not sure if there is a link.

It certainly does not get in the way of intimacy.

Can I just make it clear it does not stop intimacy!! He very much still wants the intimacy...

Yes, but do you?