My 11 year old son upset a woman by standing up to her.

[Ginette74]

At a bouncy castle holiday activity, in a local community centre, my son overheard a woman saying loudly that his brother, and his friend, who both happen to have special educational needs, were idiots and bad children. My 11 year old challenged her, saying not to be unkind, and the women became very angry with me. She said my son was cheeky and rude, and did I have no control over him! I have always taught my son to be brave and stand up for his friends and what is right. I've never taught him that it is wrong to stand up to adults, but this situation hasn't occurred before. I'm I being unreasonable to tell my son that adults are not always right and you are not wrong to challenge them.

How on earth are you pronouncing someone a “disablist arsehole” from the situation as described @Awwlookatmybabyspider? Were you there? Do you know more than the rest of us?

Don’t undermine the real issues of disablism by applying it to a situation which clearly doesn’t merit it. The woman did not call the child a name relating to his SN, nor did she discriminate against him for having SN. In fact, I would hazard a guess that had she known he had SN she may have been more accommodating, like most people would.

She called a child with special needs an idiot and a bad child. In my book that's disablist. I don't write things unless I wholeheartedly mean it, so I won't be taking it back.

The child’s mum knows he has special needs. The world at large presumably doesn’t. Don’t be such a fool, fgs.

Oh for goodness sake, don’t dig your heels in and be stubborn just to prove a point. Some disabilities (mine included) have big flashing neon signs. A huge proportion don’t. That’s why there has been such a push over the last few years for hidden disabilities to be recognised as such, and for people to be more understanding and tolerant of them. The problem with hidden disabilities is in the very nature of them; they aren’t visible. Some children’s additional needs are obvious - wheelchairs, walkers, helmets for example. My daughter’s neon pink and purple hearing aids were fairly visible if her hair was up, but if she had a hat on it was less obvious she was deaf and I wouldn’t have expected anyone else to know. My son’s issues were completely invisible, but after I’d explained people were understanding. I wouldn’t have expected complete strangers to know either of my children had additional needs. If, after explaining my daughter was deaf, someone had made a stupid comment then that would have been disablist.

She called a child with special needs an idiot and a bad child. In my book that's disablist. I don't write things unless I wholeheartedly mean it, so I won't be taking it back.

It could only be disablist if the woman knew the child had SN.

And actually, the OP said her son has "special educational needs". That can be quite different to 'special needs', in that additional needs are only education related.

I would say YABU for leaving your child in this position.

My children take swimming lessons with a child who has SEN. He is only supervised whilst in the pool and the rest of the time left to his own devices. He runs around the changing room, pushes other children and won’t let others in the shower area while he is in there. The whole time, the mother is on her phone in the cafe because she sees it as someone else’s responsibility.

I don’t class the child as an idiot but I do believe his behaviour would not be so atrocious if he had appropriate supervision.

The excuses you are making for your son hitting because he feels aggrieved and upset aren’t okay, OP. If you know he hits, stop leaving him unsupervised.

Whatever your other son and his friend may or may not have done YANBU. You can't make a loud, public comment and expect not be replied to. This woman obviously meant it as a passive aggressive comment which wouldn't be responded to but in that case she should have thought it or said it in private.

When you see kids in public you never know what their situation is: they could have suffered trauma, they could have SN and it is better to remain open minded and polite. Obviously intervene if someone is at risk but keep your judgements to yourself.