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AIBU?

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Original poster

My 11 year old son upset a woman by standing up to her.

158 replies

Ginette74 · 21/02/2020 16:51

At a bouncy castle holiday activity, in a local community centre, my son overheard a woman saying loudly that his brother, and his friend, who both happen to have special educational needs, were idiots and bad children. My 11 year old challenged her, saying not to be unkind, and the women became very angry with me. She said my son was cheeky and rude, and did I have no control over him! I have always taught my son to be brave and stand up for his friends and what is right. I've never taught him that it is wrong to stand up to adults, but this situation hasn't occurred before. I'm I being unreasonable to tell my son that adults are not always right and you are not wrong to challenge them.

OP posts:
gingersausage · 21/02/2020 20:59

WTF @CallmeBadJanet?? Did you miss the bit where I said my child had additional needs? Or do only certain children’s SN count? Are we going to play fucking SN top trumps?

Hepsibar · 21/02/2020 21:15

Well done to your son for being courageous and standing up for values and to you for passing g that on to your children.

The woman was an ignorant bully and far too often these sorts of people go unchallenged. Evil flourishes when good men do nothing.

anotherlittlechicken · 21/02/2020 21:23

@Ginette74 Good for your son. Older people do NOT deserve respect purely for being one or two generations older. Respect is earned. I am in my mid 50s, and if I knocked a 19 y.o. young woman out of my way and said 'move bitch!' is she meant to tolerate that because I am 2 generations older? Of course not.

'Respect your elders' is utter bollocks, and is right up there with 'ladies first...' It's nothing but outdated bollocks.

Bluerussian · 21/02/2020 21:34

Good for your son!

KisforKoala · 21/02/2020 21:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Doubletrouble99 · 21/02/2020 22:19

I'm the mum of 2 SEN teens so have seen many situations over the years with our two and their interactions with other children. Soft play was always problematic, and often far too stimulating.
My main problem with the whole soft play situation is that there is no way staff are there to control children, They are there to ensure the safety of all not to police the behaviour of the children So there is no way any parent should be going off to the Café for a coffee and leaving their children to it if they know they can become easily over stimulated and can lash out. That is simply not on. My two are not obviously disabled but it's not too difficult to work it out if you watch their social interactions. Other children pick up on it and some enjoy goading them so you have to be there to calm things down not leave them to it to sort it out themselves.

Original poster
Ginette74 · 21/02/2020 22:23

Well all I would say is A) the session was advertised as supervised, parents are encouraged to stay in the cafe, just this time many didn’t. At one point I went in to check and the staff member said it’s fine, I have it in hand’. We’ve been many times before to this session, without issue, and my son is normally very friendly and kind I have only ever known him hit when he feels aggrieved and very upset. As soon as I was aware this was the case I took him out. And no I’m not looking for praise actually, just some learning.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 21/02/2020 22:49

How old is your youngest son OP?

Purpletigers · 21/02/2020 22:57

Depends on how your children were behaving tbh . If they walloped someone then expect to be called up on their behaviour . At what age will you tell them that walloping someone isn’t ok ?
I’d want to hear the woman’s side before commenting on your sons behaviour. He may have been correct , he may have coke across as a cheeky brat . I can’t decide from your information alone .
Unfortunately the world will not adapt to your child and their needs . At some point you will have to teach them how to behave in the world .

TaniaArse · 21/02/2020 22:58

Good for him - silly cow!

Mikeymoo12 · 21/02/2020 22:59

Your son is a hero! She's the one in the wrong!

Original poster
Ginette74 · 21/02/2020 23:01

He’s 8

OP posts:
Original poster
Ginette74 · 21/02/2020 23:04

I tell him all the time hitting in wrong, he knows but struggles when really provoked. The issue he had was only with one child in the room

OP posts:
WotchaTalkinBoutWillis · 21/02/2020 23:09

Eesh. I've not read the replies.
I have a 12 year old, and he has a brother who has friends.
I was going to say good on him for standing up for his brother, but you give absolutely no context in your OP.
What was said, etc?
(Even though if she said idiot of course that's not nice)

WotchaTalkinBoutWillis · 21/02/2020 23:10

I’d want to hear the woman’s side before commenting on your sons behaviour

Same, and I say this as the mum of two boisterous crunchy Grin boys

Reallybadidea · 21/02/2020 23:21

Surely it's understandable that the child's mother would be upset that your son had hit hers? You say that your son was 'provoked' but that doesn't mean the other child deserves to be hit does it? I think really the onus is on you as the parent to remove your child from a situation before they hurt another child. Yes it sucks that the other kid was being mean but if you know that your child might hurt them then you need to step in earlier. The supervising staff might have thought they were handling it but a) the buck still stops with you and b) they presumably don't know your son well enough to identify when he's going to be provoked enough to hit.

So having just witnessed one of your children hitting, I can kinda understand why the other mums then took umbrage at your other child having a go at them!

lostinleaves · 21/02/2020 23:24

It sounds like they weren't behaving properly and needed you to supervise not the staff, especially if they have SEN. It's always wrong to call a child an idiot though.

minipie · 21/02/2020 23:35

If she actually said idiot and bad children and he actually said don’t be unkind then yeah he was right to challenge her.

I strongly doubt however that this is exactly what was said on each side, and you weren’t there, so don’t know either.

Yabu for leaving your 8 year old who sometimes hits when wound up unsupervised in a soft play.

Yabu for thinking kids are best left to sort out their own differences.

Yabu for saying the other children were “telling on” your child. You mean, they were telling an adult that another kid was behaving badly. That’s what they are supposed to do (rather than, eg, walloping in response).

CheshireChat · 21/02/2020 23:37

The woman was automatically in the wrong for saying something like that to a child/ in the child's hearing, but I'm really not keen on your attitude in that you know your son hits if annoyed and yet you believe that kids should sort it out amongst themselves. Nope, they should be watched before it gets to that point as it's not survival of the fittest here.

And if an 8 yo hit my 5 yo son, I'd cause merry hell regardless if the other child had SN simply due to the difference in size and strength. Though obviously with the child's parent, not the child.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 21/02/2020 23:48

Well your DS is right. However she's more than unkind she's a disablist arsehole.

WorraLiberty · 21/02/2020 23:48

I tell him all the time hitting in wrong, he knows but struggles when really provoked. The issue he had was only with one child in the room

OK but you know he reacts like that to provocation but that's what small kids do - they provoke one another.

Therefore, you really shouldn't have buggered off to the cafe and left him there with his friend and his brother.

My eldest has no SN but he used to have a quick temper when he was 8, so I always made sure I supervised him.

Toomuchtrouble4me · 21/02/2020 23:50

drinkygin Fri 21-Feb-20 17:03:38
Hmm...would be very interested to hear the other side of this story

THIS

makingmammaries · 22/02/2020 10:11

This is a tricky one. My DS at that age clearly had SEN (not so clear now, at age 15) and could lash out if provoked. I would have been watching him like a hawk in that situation.
When my DD, now 14, stands up to adults who are obviously out of line, I support her 100%.
The woman was out of line here, OP, in saying what she did. You were also out of line because you don’t know what your DS and his friend actually did.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 22/02/2020 10:12

So other parents had already made comains about your children's behaviour, you ignored them and still left your child unsupervised, and you're now annoyed that a woman said your child was behaving badly (idiots not a word I would use, but some people don't find it that offensive). How on earth is any adult supposed to just realise your child has SEN? There are plenty of parents out there who let their children (with no SEN) run wild. Start supervising your children, and don't leave it up to your older child to chastise adults who are not aware of the situation. Are we all supposed to just assume any child who is acting out it these situations have SEN and allow them act however they want, because mums in the cafe having a coffee with her friend?

TimeForPlentyIn2020 · 22/02/2020 10:46

disabalist arsehole

Jesus wept.