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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not attend DFriend's wedding because of DS?

437 replies

Refreshed · 21/02/2020 12:11

The bride to be has asked me via text today if she can ask a favour (complete with that annoying monkey emoji with its hands covering its face)

She asked if I would mind just putting my DS in something basic she picks out for him, as she knows how I have the best ideas and how lovely I dress him and doesn't want him mistaken for the wedding party.

I have no idea what she's going on about. A few other friends have been invited to the wedding and they've received no such texts about their DC clothes! I find it so bizarre.

Would I be unreasonable not to go now? It's in March.

She asked me to style her flower girls and paige boys. She know full well I wouldn't dress my own child in the same as them.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
mencken · 21/02/2020 13:51

brilliant!!

'eh' is the polite reply. 'WTF?' is the one I would use.

and definitely if there is any more of this brainless shit, put him in a crocodile outfit!

vhs95 · 21/02/2020 13:51

You either want to fall out with her (by following most of the advice on here) or you don't. It's her wedding day and she is micro-managing just a tad but is it really a big deal to scale back his outfit to please her? You could have a hissy fit and refuse to go or you could not sweat the small stuff - is she a friend you want to keep?

Patchworkpatty · 21/02/2020 13:51

THIS IS THE PROBLEM WITH TEXT MESSAGES!!!

Pick the phone up FGS and SPEAK to her .

Pukkatea · 21/02/2020 13:52

I really don't understand why it would be a problem even if he DID look a bit like a pageboy. Bridesmaid or usher I get, they have specific roles and people might start asking them stuff. But if a little boy is in a smart suit and someone mistakes him for a pageboy (presumably ignoring the part where they weren't in the wedding) what does it matter? How does this make the sky fall in? People I swear...

Star81 · 21/02/2020 13:55

Sounds as though she is over analysing everything about her wedding. Let’s hope nobody turns up wearing white. Sounds like it may send her completely over the edge.

She does have a cheek though getting you to help style the page boys / flower girls but then ask you not to dress your own son.

eggandonion · 21/02/2020 14:02

Dress him in a little Prince George outfit?

diddl · 21/02/2020 14:02

Is she worried that you know what the page boys are wearing & might follow suit or copy the colours?

If she's asking you to put him in something basic-what does she think that you're likely to put him in?

As per a pp-knickerbockers??

Aridane · 21/02/2020 14:04

Ha ha - maybe she is on Mumsnet and reads those threads where a poster shows the dress their little DD is going to wear to a wedding when said DD is not a bridesmaid. And where the dress is so clearly a bridesmaid dress but so many posters say, hey, it’s fine, it’s just a nice dress, blah, blah, blah

So thought she would head this off at the pass

Love the idea of OP being a repeat offender in dressing her DS as Little Lord Fauntleroy at weddings

Suchafaff · 21/02/2020 14:05

I would text back and say:

'I don't think you meant to send this me as you know this is something I would never do'

Tistheseason17 · 21/02/2020 14:06

I recall being dressed in velvet knickerbockers.... aaah, those were the days...

I'd just ignore and attend wedding wearing a mahoosive hat and a big white dress!! (obcs joking... about the dress!)

Lweji · 21/02/2020 14:07

Unless she was offering to pay for his clothes, as a thank you for you styling the other children, it's weird.

Talk to the woman.

PS - why put the D before the Friend in full? Do you have friends you don't like?

anotherlittlechicken · 21/02/2020 14:08

@Refreshed

Text back...

'No I'm good ta, you don't need to get anything for my son. I know how I'm gonna dress him. He'll be fine.' 🙈

Pinkyyy · 21/02/2020 14:09

It's obvious what she means. She's a huge CF and is basically saying you need to dress your DC up scruffy so he doesn't outshine her wedding party.

Pinkyyy · 21/02/2020 14:13

Also if she's incapable/not stylish enough to dress her own wedding party, then why would you let her dress your child?

PegasusReturns · 21/02/2020 14:15

“Eh?” Is the only response here. Let her explain exactly what she means

AryaStarkWolf · 21/02/2020 14:16

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

JosefKeller · 21/02/2020 14:19

She's a huge CF and is basically saying you need to dress your DC up scruffy so he doesn't outshine her wedding party.

projecting much?

DisgruntledGuineaPig · 21/02/2020 14:26

Agree this needs to be a phone call, not a text.

Just call her and ask what she means, can she discribe what she wants to dress him in.

What were you planning to dress him in? That might give a clue.

SissySpacekAteMyHamster · 21/02/2020 14:27

Send your son understated and get yourself a wedding dress.

mumwon · 21/02/2020 14:31

You could have fun with this
go to charity shop & dress him in various outrageous combinations
than go to hire shop for costumes & do same
than go to poshest shop you can think of & ditto
send photos
Than
"got you!" message with laughing face & enclose photo of what he might wear (several versions to confuse her!)
(see no rude words!)

Pinkyyy · 21/02/2020 14:32

projecting much?

How? It's quite clear.

Excited101 · 21/02/2020 14:33

How old is he op?

IntermittentParps · 21/02/2020 14:33

Well, not going is the nuclear option. I'd text her first. I agree with 'No I'm good ta, you don't need to get anything for my son. I know how I'm gonna dress him. He'll be fine.' 🙈'

Alternatively, 'Ha ha, good one!' If she comes to her senses and is apologetic/backs down, proceed as normal. If not, I'd have a word with her.

mumwon · 21/02/2020 14:33

Oh & try on wedding dresses in charity shop & send photos of self! Grin

AliasGrape · 21/02/2020 14:38

Say ‘ok I’ll take back the white dress but he’s keeping the veil’.

Seriously though, I agree with the others, pick up the phone and call her. I’m wondering if you’ve gender swapped and it’s actually your DD - think there’s more scope there for a little girl guest to end up looking like a bridesmaid than a boy, who unless you’re into challenging gender norms, has a fairly limited range of options as to what he can wear to a formal event. Not that it would matter if a child of either sex did somehow look like an extra flower girl/ page boy but she’s clearly overthinking.

You’ve made a point about how much effort you put into your son’s ‘look’ which is maybe a little unusual and does imply you might have form for dressing him in a way that will
attract maximum attention. Her use of the phrase ‘you have the best ideas’ implies you tend to do something over and above the standard trousers and smart shirt type thing (which begs the question what?! I’m genuinely intrigued as to what you could possibly dress a little boy in to be described as ‘the best idea’, but if she’s a friend you care about it wouldn’t hurt for you to maybe not do whatever it is and stick to more standard options?) Again I don’t think an adult woman, and a friend at that, should give a shit if a little boy looks cute or gets a few ‘awwwws’ on her big special princess day, but I’m sure a phone call will help to get to the bottom of what she’s really concerned about and allow you to put her mind at rest.