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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

111/GP tomorrow/tell him to man up?

231 replies

NotYourHun · 20/02/2020 23:32

When I got home from work husband had pain in his lower right chest/upper abdomen and was struggling to breathe in properly. He kept telling me he was fine and he’d just got very cold on his cycle home from work (it’s about 45 mins-an hour in all weathers so not entirely inconceivable) and would be fine once he warmed up. I put it down to an intercostal muscle sprain or maybe a virus. Before bed I checked his temperature and it was 37.8 so again, I assumed viral infection. Kept telling me he was fine 🙄

We tried to get an early night at about 8.45 as we were both shattered. He’s been lying next to me with really laboured/irregular breathing, whimpering. He’s now got aching/pulsating hips/bum/legs. His temp is 38.3. He just asked me to check the colour of his legs ‘because they feel like they are rotting away’. I’m assuming he’s a bit feverish?! They look normal! I’ve given him some paracetamol but he’s point blank refusing to come out from under the duvet or take off his pjs. He was complaining that he hadn’t been able to poo today earlier (very unusual for him).

He’s an endurance athlete and used to a fresh kind of hell when it comes to suffering so I’m inclined to think whatever this is must be pretty awful to have floored him like this. I have no idea whether he’s about to drop down dead or if he’s being a bit dramatic.

OP posts:
MrsEricBana · 21/02/2020 09:36

Yep, telling someone to man up is not ok at all but it didn't seem too appropriate to point that out last night. Let's just hope he's ok.

GreytExpectations · 21/02/2020 09:38

This reply has been deleted

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Enchiladas · 21/02/2020 09:40

GreytExpectations you've made a lot of unfair assumptions there Hmm

MrsEricBana · 21/02/2020 09:44

It's not faux to say you hope someone's ok. Some people actually are nice and, you know, hope someone ill is ok.

Rainbowx · 21/02/2020 09:47

I hope your husband is ok x

FizzyIce · 21/02/2020 09:51

She probably used the term “man up”
as she expected to get that as a reply from some people on here considering the whole “dressing gown of doom” term.
Ffs ,give her a break .
Not everyone’s immediate reaction is to phone an ambulance as again , that’s flamed on here too!
I definitely wouldn’t have suspected sepsis so the thread has helped me a little ..

GreytExpectations · 21/02/2020 09:53

GreytExpectations you've made a lot of unfair assumptions there

Yeah, I really don't think I have. What kind of wife sees her husband clearly suffering, struggling to breath and not in the right state of mind and thinks the first course of action is to ask Mumsnet what to do? Oh and then to suggest he "man up". In most cases i'd say asking is someone is ok is a caring thing but on Mumsnet, the viper pit that it is, it's nosey people looking for drama. There always seems to be a decent amount of "live A&E" threads on here....

GreytExpectations · 21/02/2020 09:56

Not everyone’s immediate reaction is to phone an ambulance as again

Maybe not phone an ambulance but seeking SOME kind of medical attention is just common sense? Every adult should fucking know when something is serious enough to need medical attention right away and those that don't need to educate themselves immediately as they will be a danger to themselves and their families. FFS the man couldn't breath and was delusional. I hope the OP wasn't real.

OkMaybeNot · 21/02/2020 10:05

For some there's a real fear of wasting the hospital's time, I get it.

Hope your DH is either feeling better or has been seen by someone by now.

Justaboy · 21/02/2020 10:10

GreytExpectations

If you read these threads where someone is ill you'll find out that most all people have a reluctance to hit the emergency button, they seek advice and a second opinion here to ask what other's think and sometimes there are practising medical personell here who may well be able to interpret the symptoms as described.

However sometimes its not as simple as that and I could go into a few reasons why men are told to "man-up" as their encouraged to do. They are also sods for seeking medical help anyway!

BUT...

This man had a few of the symptoms of Sepsis which kills!

5 people die with sepsis every hour in the UK! Its a killer and its effecteds are devastating!

40% of all sepsis survivors suffer permanent, life-changing after effects.

NOW WILL YOU ALL LOOK AT THESE TWO LINKS TO THIS WEBSITE PLEASE

Make time to do it, may well save someones life!

That someone may be a family member, mate, friend etc.

OK Not that much to ask

Thanks:)

sepsistrust.org/about/about-sepsis/

sepsistrust.org/about/about-sepsis/faqs/

Enchiladas · 21/02/2020 10:14

Thank you for the links justaboy

CaMePlaitPas · 21/02/2020 10:21

I really dislike the expression "man up".

I hope your husband is on the mend OP.

Toria70 · 21/02/2020 10:25

Sounds like gallstones or gallbladder infection. I was also horribly constipated.

I've had 4 children and this took me well past my pain threshold. The infection was so bad I was hallucinating, had pain all over, and was in hospital for 5 days on morphine and a cocktail of antibiotics.

I hope you're both OK Flowers

yellowallpaper · 21/02/2020 10:26

I was an A&E nurse, and I would say this sounds serious. Maybe pyelonephritis or something abdominal. Definitely needed seeing urgently.

PeterPanGoesWrong · 21/02/2020 10:29

I hope op comes back to let us know Dh is ok. I always get overly invested in these sort of threads.

andthentherewere · 21/02/2020 10:29

Hope he is getting the treatment he needs and you are doing ok.

Butterbeeeen · 21/02/2020 10:32

I very nearly lost my DP to sepsis last year. The symptoms sound scarily like what he had. I hope you rang 999 and he is getting the help he needs OP.

itsgettingweird · 21/02/2020 10:34

Hope you managed to get him seen and treated last night.

Pumpkinandpeas · 21/02/2020 10:49

Hope he is ok

74NewStreet · 21/02/2020 10:50

Your thread title is unbelievable Shock. You really contemplated telling him to man up?? Hope you copped yourself on and got him the medical treated he seems to have urgently needed Hmm

Robynbird · 21/02/2020 10:50

Sounds scary! Hope he’s okay

Catlover10 · 21/02/2020 11:02

Hope he is ok!

Bloomburger · 21/02/2020 11:07

A&E

FizzyIce · 21/02/2020 11:07

@74NewStreet give over .. like I said before , op ‘probably’ said that as assumed that’s the sort of response she’d get in here , not that she would actually say that

Sux2buthen · 21/02/2020 11:12

I hope he's ok op and feeling better