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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think single sex schools are better and don’t cause weird feelings of otherness between boys and girls?

167 replies

littlemyyyy · 20/02/2020 18:19

I wasn’t sent to a single sex school but my daughter certainly will be after my experiences in 5 different schools.

Essentially, boys made school hell for me and all the other girls. I went to 2 catholic schools, a private school and 2 regular state schools and it was the same everywhere.

Boys making comments on the girls appearances incessantly (especially during PE); popular girls being touched up and teachers laughing it off when told; boys generally sexualising everything all the time and just too much sexism to even begin to explain. This wasn’t all of them, obviously, but the vast majority.

I had 4 close male friends over my school years and all of them were more ‘feminine’ (and of course bullied about it). Even so any egging on by the other boys could easily push them into making the same awful sexist comments.

Furthermore I feel like many people send boys to boys schools with no qualms, but with girls schools I always hear that it’ll be ‘bitch central’ when female friendships can be so lovely and long-lasting when not viewed through the lens that all girls do is be nasty.

Also there’s many studies showing the benefits of single sex education, especially for girls who are actually at a detriment from mixed sex schooling, and no wonder.

Opinions ??

OP posts:
puds11 · 20/02/2020 18:22

I wouldn’t know without having been to both which is better.

morrisseysquif · 20/02/2020 18:26

I went to a single sex catholic school, great academically, it wasn't at all bitchy but I was clueless about boys and men as I didn't interact with any. Life is not single sex so the sooner you get used to it, the better.

I'm sorry you went a school which normalised everyday sexism.

superram · 20/02/2020 18:29

I wouldn’t send my child to a single sex school. In all the schools I’ve taught in the girls schools were much more bitchy and appearance commented upon.

MangoFeverDream · 20/02/2020 18:30

YANBU single-sex schools are wonderful for girls; but they aren’t so great for boys.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 20/02/2020 18:31

I’ve been to both. It’s not as simple as you’ve said... I wouldn’t want to have spent my whole school life at the single sex school, it wasn’t perfect although it was good, and it didn’t prepare me for how the world is. Anecdotally; there were also a lot more underage pregnancies at the all girls school. It gives boys a mystique, an unusualness...

Your school sounds awful and I’d be keen not to send my kids to a school that lax, but I wouldn’t necessarily go all-girls, and if you do, you’ll need to give your daughters plenty of opportunities to meet and interact with boys outside of school or you’ll be doing them a disservice.

JacquesHammer · 20/02/2020 18:32

Stats show single-sex school better for girls but co-ed is better for boys

DD is at single-sex (I also went single-sex) and we’ve no regrets.

Nowayorhighway · 20/02/2020 18:32

YABU. My cousins were sent to a single sex catholic school because my Dad and Uncle attended the male version so it was like an automatic thing for them to go there. My Mum refused to send me there and I’m so pleased. They hated it and hugely rebelled when they left and went to uni. They still had boyfriends fwiw, from the male Catholic school around the corner... The boys would stand at the gates waiting for them.

Disposableplates · 20/02/2020 18:32

I went to a single sex school, and feel my relationships with boys and men did suffer. Also my school was quite bitchy, but saying that I have a lot of lifelong friends from there.

When discussing our school, my friends and I all agree we would not send any children we may have to a single sex school. I personally think they are old fashioned and dont set you up for the real world.

MercedesDeMonteChristo · 20/02/2020 18:32

It’s just life really. It’s mixed.

My two DSs do go to a single sex school as it was the school they separately chose. They are happy and doing well, but I still fundamentally would like to see mixed schools over single sex irrespective of whether one produces better results or not.

opticaldelusion · 20/02/2020 18:33

The way to not see the opposite sex as weird is to be brought up together

Nowayorhighway · 20/02/2020 18:33

Oh and they hated it because the other girls were bitchy and catty which is fairly standard teenage girl behaviour but when you group hundreds of them together with zero male influence then...

madeyemoodysmum · 20/02/2020 18:35

My niece at single sex is massively obsessed with bots and will do anything to be OUT with a boy.

The girls at her school also seem much more focused on nails and looks etc.

Academically it's a slightly better school but I honestly feel the girls at the mixed school get a more rounded balanced educational experience. They seem happy to chat to boys as mates. And are not as looks focused.

ErrolTheDragon · 20/02/2020 18:35

Obviously there are good and bad single sex and coed schools.

A good single sex school certainly can be excellent and without either the problems of sexist boys or (vile term) 'bitchiness'. The one my DD went to was of this sort and she has no problems at all with males now she's at uni, has loads of pals of both sexes.

There was one girls' school in our area which did have a reputation for bullying which we would never have sent her to.

JacquesHammer · 20/02/2020 18:38

a decent single-sex school will support relationships with the opposite sex.

For example DD’s school does events/extra curricular with the brother school. As DD says, she has plenty of friends who are boys, but she gets to choose which she hangs around with!

ElderAve · 20/02/2020 18:39

That's not my experience of a very ordinary state school. As I did maths and sciences, I was the only girl in my sixth form classes and I remember that time fondly. The boys were my friends and respected the fact that I beat them in every test and at cards ! It was an excellent grounding for working in male dominated workplaces.

I never had the kind of looks that anyone would have remarked on and I'm grateful for that.

I believe there is some evidence that both sexes do better academically at single sex schools (although boys more than girls?) but school is about much more than exams results.

FWIW my own sons, who have both recently left a state comp, have a lovely mixed group of friends and barely seem to notice the difference between boys and girls in their attitudes towards each other Grin

Unfortunately, I think some people are destined to have unhappy school days regardless of where they go, but of course it's not fashionable to say it. Do you think OP, having been to 5 different schools you didn't enjoy, that maybe the girls at an all girl school would have upset you too?

maras2 · 20/02/2020 18:39

Surely the amount of schools that you have been to says more about you than the school system?

ILikTheBred · 20/02/2020 18:42

As someone who spent 14 years in a single sex school and barely spoke to a boy before university, I couldn’t disagree more.

Tbh a lot more depends on the school itself than on whether it’s mixed or not.

DorotheaHomeAlone · 20/02/2020 18:42

I went to a mixed sex school and don’t recognise what you’re describing at all. I had plenty of strong female friendships, excelled academically and developed a very realistic understanding of boys. I learned early that they are just people, like girls are - some nice, some nasty, many pretty foolish.

There was no groping just the same amount of sexism as I see in the real
world. Importantly there was no othering or mystique. When I started dating I knew how to interact with boys/ men as individuals not stereotypes.

Northernparent68 · 20/02/2020 18:44

In practical terms you might not have a choice, there are n’t many state single sex schools.

ErrolTheDragon · 20/02/2020 18:46

That's not my experience of a very ordinary state school. As I did maths and sciences, I was the only girl in my sixth form classes and I remember that time fondly. The boys were my friends and respected the fact that I beat them in every test and at cards ! It was an excellent grounding for working in male dominated workplaces.

Snap^ (one other girl did double maths)... it was fine for me^ but that's rather "I'm all right, Jill" isn't it? It didn't dawn on me until much later how many other girls who could have done well in STEM subjects (and helped workplaces to not be so male dominated!) had missed out.

I believe there is some evidence that both sexes do better academically at single sex schools (although boys more than girls?)

More significant for girls, slightly better for boys.

arethereanyleftatall · 20/02/2020 18:46

Yanbu for girls. Much better. Between my two dds classes, there's about 8 children who disrupt the lessons. All boys. Girls are lucky they have this option though, I do feel sorry for well behaved boys though, no choice for them.

ErrolTheDragon · 20/02/2020 18:47

Sorry, ambiguous wording single sex slightly better for boys than coed.

FizzyIce · 20/02/2020 18:49

I’m hoping to get my dd into a single sex school when she finally goes to high school.
We’ll be moving to improve our chances too

okiedokieme · 20/02/2020 18:50

No they can be terrible- my DD's aren't into "girl stuff" and always had male friends, they had the option of single sex and we rejected it

Ginfordinner · 20/02/2020 18:50

When I was at school the single sex (female Catholic) had the highest abortion rate in town.

Just saying.

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