To think single sex schools are better and don’t cause weird feelings of otherness between boys and girls?

[littlemyyyy]

I wasn’t sent to a single sex school but my daughter certainly will be after my experiences in 5 different schools.

Essentially, boys made school hell for me and all the other girls. I went to 2 catholic schools, a private school and 2 regular state schools and it was the same everywhere.

Boys making comments on the girls appearances incessantly (especially during PE); popular girls being touched up and teachers laughing it off when told; boys generally sexualising everything all the time and just too much sexism to even begin to explain. This wasn’t all of them, obviously, but the vast majority.

I had 4 close male friends over my school years and all of them were more ‘feminine’ (and of course bullied about it). Even so any egging on by the other boys could easily push them into making the same awful sexist comments.

Furthermore I feel like many people send boys to boys schools with no qualms, but with girls schools I always hear that it’ll be ‘bitch central’ when female friendships can be so lovely and long-lasting when not viewed through the lens that all girls do is be nasty.

Also there’s many studies showing the benefits of single sex education, especially for girls who are actually at a detriment from mixed sex schooling, and no wonder.

Opinions ??

@CSIblonde yes I’m sure it’s totally like that now ...

Pros and cons... better for girls academically probably, but having been to an all girls school, I find it very hard to make friends with men.
As a teenager, I just saw them almost as a different species, never interacted with them. I didn’t have any brothers so this may have made things more extreme.
I think it ultimately made me quite odd.

My father went to an all boys school and is vehemently against single sex schooling. I knew it wouldn’t be the right choice for DD so she’s at a small mixed comp. This year they are trialling putting the very top achieving students in single sex classes for two subjects. Dd HATES it. She says that the discussion isn’t as varied as in her mixed classes.

I was all girls from reception to year 11, then went to a boys school which took a small cohort of girls for VI form. Pros & cons to both.

The girls were more homogenized at the mixed school, somehow. My old school definitely rocked a wider range of looks and styles- although a bigger community to show case this in all fairness. We all got good grades at VI form, although I might have done slightly better if I'd stayed all girls. But not massively different. Changed over so boys weren't a mystery before uni. I'm now the only woman at work so it certainly made that less of a culture shock!

I took the executive decision not to date any of the boys, which I think helped! They teased us initially as a bit of a hazing but I learnt to take no shit off the boys- they respected you more if you didn't run crying to a house mistress and you need to stand up for yourself in life. They could also be genuinely sweet and lovely.

I found living in an all girls boarding house to be a hormonal pressure cooker but there was no actual bullying & we were united against the boys in lots of ways. Exam stress didn't help but we didn't repeat gossip to the boys or slag each other off etc. It is natural that a few people didn't like each other all that well but there were only a couple of proper dramas, we respectfully rubbed along. There was worse bullying at my girls school. More fights, petty rows, bullying in the form of derision.

I was decently educated at both schools though.

I was sent to a all girls school for secondary. Mums reasoning was, "You don't need boys around you right now." I was 11yrs old with DD breasts plus she wanted me to learn a trade (I laugh now because she had visions of me being a carpenter or plumber and just no!) Did me no harm and tbf I did focus more on myself, friendships and did very well in school. Then I went on to sixth form and found boys ☻

I went to a mixed comprehensive but sent my daughters to a single sex school from 11. I think they had a much happier school life than I did. There was none of the bitchy behaviour that some others have described, and no bullying that I was aware of.

Their school did lots of activities with the nearby boys school, so there was lots of mixing, both formally and informally.

My own experience is obviously dated (I was at secondary in the 70s) but in general the girls' place in the school pecking order depended largely on whether or not we were attractive. At the top were the pretty ones who always had boyfriends. At the bottom of the pile were the boring goody-goody swots who no-one wanted to go out with. I was in the latter category, though not quite at the bottom of the pile because I was sporty.

There were definite 'girl subjects' and 'boy subjects', and I don't remember a single girl in my year in 6th form doing any science subject for A level, with the possible exception of biology. In contrast, in my children's school, the 3 most popular subjects A level subjects last year were maths, chemistry and biology, with further maths in 6th place.

As for why should school be single sex if life isn't,
as others have said, both boys and girls do better academically at single sex schools.

I went to an all girls school and loved it. I certainly had no.problems with men and we had socials with our brother school. I had plenty of male friends but enjoyed the lack of boys at school as it was about learning and stem subjects were certainly popular. My boyfriend who was at the brother school certainly distracted me enough outside school and used to get sulky that my grades were so.much better than his.

I wouldn’t have met one of my best and oldest friends if we had gone to single sex schools, and that would have been shit

I’ve had the opposite experiences. Both my DD and I went (she still is) to mixed schools and when the girls are being total bitches it’s been the boys that lighten the mood and make things easier. I got on more with the boys and my daughter has as many male friends as females. The girls I knew went to single sex schools had an awful time and we’re clueless around boys.

I went to an all girls school and I feel like it was a positive experience. I did fine at school and got on with everyone. I had no issues making male friends at Uni and never felt like I couldn’t be myself around men.
I did however, get a shock when I realised some men can be sleazy and disgusting. I was sexually harassed at work in my early 20’s and didn’t know how to deal with it.
Maybe a mixed school would’ve prepared me better but I’m glad I didn’t have to experience that while I was at school.
I really want my dd to go to a girls school for secondary education.

I teach in an all girls school and Believe that single sex environments are better for girls in particular. It’s really sad how ingrained in society sexist and misogynistic ideas are. The number of times the word “bitchy” has been used on this thread alone is incredibly depressing. Is that the word that we’d use for the same behaviour in boys?

We have plenty of opportunities for the girls to socialise with boys from our brother school but I think it’s good for them to be educated in a single-sex environment. Maths is one of the most popular A Level subjects and there is no such thing as “girls” and “boys” subjects and activities. The netball teams are all girls... but then so are the basketball teams. The drama class is full of girls... but so is the physics class. The gardening club is al girls... and so is the chess club. You get the picture.

Well you’ll get a lot of people saying ‘YABU’ on the basis of their personal experience. But the truth is it’s hard to make generalisations because it depends a lot on the child and the school and you should do what you think is best in the circumstances for your daughter. That said, I think the research backs up your decision.

I was in single sex education throughout my life.

I am extremely grateful.

Yes I agree with you. My daughter's have been to an all girl's from reception (now in secondary of same school) and I wasn't sure about the segregation so young but it has been the best decision. In co-ed schools there is a lot of sexism from very young. Boys having priority in the playground with football taking up most of the room and girls generally not being welcome to join in. Boys playing more roughly and it being excused because 'boys will be boys'. Sexist stereotypes being constantly enforced in games and lessons. In mixed schools there is constant 'boys line up here, girls line up there/girls vs boys teams etc so the segregation is still there and more obvious day to day. And then in secondary it becomes predatory in mixed schools as you say, sexual comments, sexual innuendos, girls calling each other slags, constant objectification of students and teachers.

In my daughter's school there are strong female role models celebrated everywhere, through art work, posters, team names, campaigns etc. It has very good results for STEM subjects, as girls schools often do have. There is definitely a feeling of empowerment and that girls can be anything, that I've only ever experienced in girls schools. I think that is really valuable for girls in a world where men are still taking the lead professionally and toxic masculinity is very much accepted by men and women.

The girls at the local girls' school are incredibly silly and immature when it comes to boys - I've noticed how giggly and self-conscious they get when they're around them. I'm glad that dd just sees them as people, and that she thinks it's no big deal to be friends with them. Far healthier in my opinion.

What I loved about my single sex ed was that me and my classmates mattered. Our knowledge. Our intelligence.

Not our relationship to boys.

Went to a all girls school and there is no way in this world I would send a daughter of mine to a all girls school as well. Girls can be bitches growing up and a lot more critical of each other then what boys can be towards girls. I can only imagine what it’s like now amongst the girls.

My brother went to a all boys school and had no problems.
My son will not be going to a all boys school he will be going to a mixed school as 1) he actually gets on better with girls then boys 2) I want him to continue to mix with both male and females as he continues to grow and learn as I feel it’s so important to be able to communicate with both sexes.
Interestingly a majority of the girls I went to school with feel exactly the same and have chosen not to send their daughters to a all girls school as they too remember how bitchy it was.

I went to a girls school and I find it difficult to have normal friendships with men. It's just alien to me

I went to a mixed comp myself. my girls at all girls only secondary for a reason...

Dd1 year 9 not seen any bitchiness. She’s happy and thriving speaks out in class in way I never did. Feminist environment with no constant low level sexual abuse. What’s not to like?

I went to a girls school and loved it. I went into science subjects. It never occurred to me it was a. Masculine subject.

I was prob a touch shyer with boys because of it but soon go over it.

I think actually I would have more issues with all boys school. I think boys that have been to these see girls as targets and less their equals.

I have girls and boys in single sex schools. I wouldn’t put my sons into single sex schools again. Found it to be quite a toxic alpha male environment. Don’t think it’s good for boys or girls they end up in society with. It has been proved that boys do less well in an all boy environment so really don’t think we should have state all boys schools.

There is no chance in hell I'd send my son to a boys' school. I would send my girls to an all girls school though. As it is, they go to a mixed school.