To think single sex schools are better and don’t cause weird feelings of otherness between boys and girls?

[littlemyyyy]

I wasn’t sent to a single sex school but my daughter certainly will be after my experiences in 5 different schools.

Essentially, boys made school hell for me and all the other girls. I went to 2 catholic schools, a private school and 2 regular state schools and it was the same everywhere.

Boys making comments on the girls appearances incessantly (especially during PE); popular girls being touched up and teachers laughing it off when told; boys generally sexualising everything all the time and just too much sexism to even begin to explain. This wasn’t all of them, obviously, but the vast majority.

I had 4 close male friends over my school years and all of them were more ‘feminine’ (and of course bullied about it). Even so any egging on by the other boys could easily push them into making the same awful sexist comments.

Furthermore I feel like many people send boys to boys schools with no qualms, but with girls schools I always hear that it’ll be ‘bitch central’ when female friendships can be so lovely and long-lasting when not viewed through the lens that all girls do is be nasty.

Also there’s many studies showing the benefits of single sex education, especially for girls who are actually at a detriment from mixed sex schooling, and no wonder.

Opinions ??

Interesting I went to uni and 6th form with lots of girls who had been in a single sex school and without a doubt they were much more promiscuous. More teenage pregnancies at the girls catholic school than any other in the area I grew up also. Even notice today the girls at the single sexed Grammar in the next county are boy obsessed compared to the mixed sex kids in this area.
The world is a mixed sex workplace and I do believe that boys and girls need to be educated together and see each other as equal.
I was in a mixed sex school, never had a problem with the boys they were just boys slightly strange creatures who liked running after balls but they were ok. Now the girls, well they could be very nasty! Boys always stopped the bitchy ness I found.

We need to move forward in the modern world not segregate children.
Do you have a son also?

Ours went to co Ed schools as all their friends were female as well.
We wanted them to learn how to relate to both sexes.
The only girls we knew who went to single sex schools were boy mad at a young age and showed very risky behaviour.

I went to an all girl school, and think its mixed. While it was a more sheltered enviroment perhaps, it didnt really help us learn to deal with the rest of the world which is mixed sex. As well as the inforcing of gender stereotypes and some of the difficulties being amplified if you dont fit in...

There was lots of othering of boys, and i feel it definately stunted my ability to interact with boys initially as my only interaction was as boyfriends so i didnt really get the chance to work along side boys. It totally created some mistifyed notions around men. I didnt learn boundaries especially well

The same ropey boys would be recycled as boyfriends even though some of them were terrible because they were the only ones we know. This meant lots of girls stayed with or even chose abusive boyfriends or much older boys.

Typing this out i feel a single sex school was actually a direct contribution to me being sexually assaulted. Prehaps if id had male friends, i would have been more aware of what was normal, felt more able to interact and had boundaries with boys. I might habe felt i had other options than the one boy in front of me that i was desperate to make think i was cool

Even notice today the girls at the single sexed Grammar in the next county are boy obsessed compared to the mixed sex kids in this area

So a County over and you notice this....?

Nice to see women slut-shaming young girls!

There is no chance in hell I'd send my son to a boys' school. I would send my girls to an all girls school though. As it is, they go to a mixed school

Same. There are educational (and I believe confidence) gains to be had with girls; there’s no significant effect for boys and socially I feel it’s not great for them.

I work in a boys Grammar school... it gets brilliant results but I would not choose it if I had a son, the behaviour and language outside of the classrooms has made me do a double take on a number of occasions. The sixth form is mixed and has been for the last 6 years a number of staff (who knew it as a single sex sixth form) say the introduction of girls has changed the environment for the better.

Interestingly when I was at school doing GCSEs the school I went to did an experiment in years 10/11 and segregated English and maths classes by sex- the grades were better at the top end for both sexes but at the bottom end boys achievement was lower than compared to the mixed sex results of past years- 3 years later when my sister got to GCSE at the same school they were segregating the top 2 out of 5 sets by sex

Ds is 15, autistic and attends an all boys state grammar. It has been a truly dreadful 5 years for him at this school. He has some complex issues going on but the all boys environment has just been massively overwhelming for him. The amount of bullying, violence and aggression is huge.

His older brother went to our local mixed secondary modern and did not experience anywhere near the disruption or behaviour his brother has.

I think an all boys environment may suit some but I think it has been damaging for my Ds.

I went to a girls school and it was great. No one had to worry about boys during the school day lol. Our after school activities were with our brother school so you did still learn how to interact with them (and I always had boyfriends!).

I remember a friend at the mixed school once saying she hated math because it was for boys. I was never exposed to that kind of thinking which I think did me a great service.

I have a dd and a ds. It's a bit depressing the casual stereotypes thrown in by some on this thread - girls are gossipy and bitchy etc.

I have no options for single sex anyway but I would have chosen mixed anyway. A state school.

I honestly never experienced everyday sexism when I was at school (and I'm nearly 50). My dd doesn't either. Girls are encouraged in all areas at their school. There are equal numbers in Stem subjects at GCSE (not at A level stage yet).

My dd hangs out with the Drama crowd at school which interestingly is more boys in her year. The boys are creative and expressive and just good mates. No-one is het up on appearances.

I have only ever been to co-ed so cannot comment which is better. I dont think we have single sex schools in the area But I have to say that I don't recognise the the experiences in the OP.

I went to both an all girls’ private school and two mixed sex schools (state primary, private senior school and sixth form).

I left the all girls’ school after 4 years of horrendous bullying and being “sent to Coventry” towards the end, day in, day out. The girls were unspeakably psychology cruel and it was a very toxic environment. My bullying experiences aside, I do not think it was an at all healthy environment and I am not in favour of single sex schools at all.

There was a very weird “othering” of men which led to us not really knowing how to communicate with the opposite sex, viewing them as almost an alien species. We only had one male member of staff and if a workman ever turned up on the grounds I can remember a mass exodus to the windows with girls shouting “there’s a man!” It was bloody bizarre and never happened at any of the other schools I went to. Our science teacher was the only man we came into regular contact with and I can remember shutting down and being embarrassed and not knowing how to behave around him. Other girls developed quite obsessive crushes on him. At the time there were a lot of same sex relationships often with an age gap that was unhealthy (I.e 11-15) and, as unlike at the mixed sex schools, there was no Sex and Relationships policy, a blind eye was turned, most likely because there was no chance of pregnancy. Oddly, only two of the girls I was at school with are lesbians now, and it seems like all the rest who were in same sex relationships at school are now married to men and all ceased having relationships with other women as soon as they got to university and were educated alongside men for the first time. Other girls I kept in contact with admitted they really struggled to communicate with men once they turned 18 and left the school and that their first experiences of relationships were affected as a result of that. A friend of mine who went to a different all girls school was raised to see men as “enemy number one” and, although she’d like a relationship with a man, she has not been able to have one and is now 35. She still doesn’t understand how to talk to men and has ended up even seeking out all female workplaces as she doesn’t feel comfortable working alongside men.

I did initially get bullied when I left the all girls school and changed to the mixed sex school but this was because the girls at the all girls school had some equally nasty female friends at the mixed school who had been told to give me a hard time before I even started and who regularly sent in nasty messages to my new school. The mixed school was overall much better, far less bitchy and the bullying was not as evil or calculated or prevalent. Never underestimate how evil females can be to one another. The boys seemed to take the edge off things and I had healthy friendships with a mixed sex school. The education was far better too despite them both being private schools of a similar standard. I had both male and female teachers. As I got older, yes I had crushes on boys and started relationships but this is all part of growing up too and the policies and education in place at school helped guide and inform us. Sex education was informative and helpful, the relationship policy meant we were not allowed any physical contact in school (I.e hand holding, hugging etc). At the Girls school they saw no need for much education beyond periods and romantic or even sexual behaviour in school time was poo pooed as “close female friendship” and “camaraderie”.

I would never send my children to a single sex school as a result of my experiences and I am not in favour of them at all.

I work at a single sex school and it is a nigtmare. Behaviour is worse and they lack wider knowledge and understanding

they lack wider knowledge and understanding

What is the school doing to remedy the gap in the education they offer?

Boys left me alone in my mixed school, which was better than the constant bitchiness and bullying I got from a couple of groups of girls.

My daughter would be eaten alive in a single sex school. There’s no way on earth I would send her to one.

All the anecdotes on this thread show is that there isn’t and shouldn’t be a one-size fits all approach to education.

Some children will benefit from single-sex education. Others won’t. That isn’t the fault of the system, it is simply working with the individual.

For me, by 9 years old I was (still in co-ed) and was already getting harassed because I was developed. The next 9 years of single sex were blissful because I could avoid the low-level sexual harassment. My daughter has had the same experience.

Neither of us have/had issues with chatting to boys but it’s very much on our terms - really positive!

I went to a girls school. It was fantastic! I never learned to be ashamed of my body, I never learned to hide periods or worry about attracting male interest. In addition I never learned that there were girl things and boy things because there simply weren’t any boys so the girls did everything. I will 100% be sending my children single sex. I think it’s really positive to get able to navigate puberty in an environment where everyone is experiencing the same thing. Obviously I’m teaching my sons not to be arseholes about periods or breasts but I can’t trust that all parents will have the same lessons to give their daughters about breaking voices and wet dreams. Single sex has huge benefits.

Also I can’t say I have issues communicating with the other sex, albeit I’m not particularly interested in them (I have male friends in the loose sense of the word but I tend to have more in common with women and I’m married so there’s no sexual interest).

I don't believe in single sex schools. Society isn't single sexed, so the sooner we learn to coexist the better. I went to co-ed state schools some friends to girls schools and something we used to notice was that they put men on pedestals. I would never send my daughter to one.

I went mixed up to Yr 9 & then it was single sex. However the boys school was around the corner & the schools were twinned. For 6th form we were mixed again. I thought it was a great balance.

I went to mixed comp but our middle school was single sexed. How I remember how I hated it. Getting back to mixed felt like moving back into fresh air and full colour. Have always had a mix of male and female friends and appreciated it. Whilst the person is more important than the sex my DJ for sex experience seemed to fuel stereotypical behaviour.

My daughter went to a mixed comp secondary school but changed school for sixth form as we moved. She went into the mixed sixth form of a super selective boys grammar - the boys in her year group had needed full marks in the 11+ to get in. The girls were treated horrendously by the boys ( and it was seen almost as a badge of honour), I couldn’t comprehend why bright and beautiful young women, many of whom were applying for top unis to become doctors, lawyers, scientists etc would tolerate such misogynist treatment and then stuff the emotional backlash down inside, paste on a smile and carry on. The school produces fantastic results but the culture among the student body is very strange although the staff are generally caring and supportive.

I’m pleased that we didn’t live in the area when my sons were secondary school age as I would hate them to come out with that attitude towards women, regardless of the results, facilities, or how many rugby pitches they have..,

I went to a mixed comp (considered rather 'nice' too) and I recognise everything in your OP. I wasnt even popular or attractive and still got letched at/touched up. It considered normal and 'just boys being boys'. A

My son from the age of 11yrs went to a single sex school.He didnt gofor any other reason than it was the best in the area.He thouroughly enjoyed his school years and came out A* in all his subjects.To say they don't mix with girls is daft.The girls school partof the foundation was across the road and they often collaborated on projects together .Single sex school worked for us but it wouldnt work for all kids.My son did not grow up not knowing how to mix with females at all...it is laughable to suggest he wouldn;t know how to interact.Single sex schoolshave female teachers,cooks,office staff,vicar and nurse and with a sister and mum at home and his wider family he had plenty of female influence..It worked for us and I would do it all again for my daughter..she is 8 and I intend to send her to the girls school at 11 if I can refind another 100grand to do it !!!!

How does going to a single sex school result in you not being able to understand/mix with the opposite sex? I had plenty of men & boys in my life, family, teachers, friends, clubs & activities (I was a scout), etc

Berry I find your comments interesting. Many don't seem to be believe how bad Ds's experiences have been at his boys grammar. Staff seem to live in a bubble and the head in particular seems to think that his school is wonderful and very inclusive. It's anything but.

Ds has been physically hurt, had his clothes scribbled on, had his possessions damaged and stolen, had food thrown at him and been picked on regarding his disability both by pupils and staff.

To me there seems to be kind of 'boys will be boys' thing going on at the school. All a bit of banter. Ds's head of year constantly calls them 'lads' and I know is quite disapproving of Ds and his autistic traits that mean he's not the rugby playing popular 'lad' that is celebrated by all within school. At lunchtime in unsupervised classrooms the boys throw chairs, break lights and doors and basically run amok.

His school's sixth form accept girls but I'm hoping a move to a sixth form at a mixed school may make things better for Ds. He has significant mental health difficulties now, some of which is caused by his secondary school experiences.