To think single sex schools are better and don’t cause weird feelings of otherness between boys and girls?

[littlemyyyy]

I wasn’t sent to a single sex school but my daughter certainly will be after my experiences in 5 different schools.

Essentially, boys made school hell for me and all the other girls. I went to 2 catholic schools, a private school and 2 regular state schools and it was the same everywhere.

Boys making comments on the girls appearances incessantly (especially during PE); popular girls being touched up and teachers laughing it off when told; boys generally sexualising everything all the time and just too much sexism to even begin to explain. This wasn’t all of them, obviously, but the vast majority.

I had 4 close male friends over my school years and all of them were more ‘feminine’ (and of course bullied about it). Even so any egging on by the other boys could easily push them into making the same awful sexist comments.

Furthermore I feel like many people send boys to boys schools with no qualms, but with girls schools I always hear that it’ll be ‘bitch central’ when female friendships can be so lovely and long-lasting when not viewed through the lens that all girls do is be nasty.

Also there’s many studies showing the benefits of single sex education, especially for girls who are actually at a detriment from mixed sex schooling, and no wonder.

Opinions ??

My experience was similar to yours op. I wasn’t a popular girl so never groped. The difference with my school is that it was seen by the girls as a badge of honour to be groped. There was also a lot more. I didn’t have strong friendships and I think part of the was to do with the atmosphere. The education I received was also shocking and I had an horrendous time.

My dd is at a mixed school. I wanted her to go to the local all girls private school but she flatly refused. She’s only yr7 so a long way from yr10/11. I don’t expect it to be the same at her school. I have had to emotionally steel myself because of my experiences.

I went to a single sex school but it was semi detached with the boys school and seemed a good compromise. We shared playing fields and canteens but lessons separate.

I've got 4 kids, 2 went to single sex and 2 went mixed. I would always opt for the best school I could find but if everything else was equal I'd choose the mixed.

dd prefered playing football with the boys at break to gossiping with the girls

Seriously? You are harming your girls with sexist statements like this.

I went single sex up until 6th form when I went mixed. It removes the gender stereotypes for subject choices. Lots of bitchiness but education wise it just works. Better to socialise with the other sex before university though (during 6th form). I would chose the same for my daughter definitely. I wouldn’t choose single sexed for my son though.

IMO YANBU, my DD is at all girls, my son is at mixed.

That suited them. It wasn't really my absolute intention to begin with.

I notice some of my friends felt REALLY strongly that their daughter go to a mixed school. It kiiiinda made me roll my eyes because I went to two mixed schools and there was a crap ton of bitchiness at both of them, cool girls at both, and I certainly didn't have any friends that were boys. Maybe one, in my last year but only because there was a subject we both sat out for. We never met outside of school. The idea that girls at a mixed school emerge with a ready made set of mixed sex friends with honorable intentions is optimistic.

• At the girls school they simply didn't run chess club or mixed football (obviously)

Dd is at a top university studying stem and came top in her mixed school in maths*

At DDs school, they did football, not sure about chess but certainly eg robotics... hell, she helped run it. And she's also at a top university studying STEM (engineering) - didn't quite come top in maths, the girl who did that got a place at a top uni to do maths.

Absolutely it's what suits the individual, but I rather suspect our DDs would have thrived anywhere tbh. The choice of school may matter more for a girl who likes these sorts of things but who isn't likely to come top and/or lacks confidence.

@ErrolTheDragon I agree that it's easier to be yourself who that is at a girls only school. No male audience.

Some GRADE A bullshit on this thread though! Award winning!
HOW thorough of the abortion clinic to compile data on which schools' students had abortions!

Agree that comments like ''my dd prefers playing football to gossiping with the girls'' send really misogynist messages. Whoever said that has internalised the patriarchy and gone back for seconds.

I went to 4 schools, two mixed, two girls. It varied. All-girl secondary didn't have boys messing around in lessons or letching, but you did have a subset of girls going crazy at the prospect of male contact for choir, cricket etc. Personally I don't think I missed anything not encountering many boys until during and mainly after A-level - 13-16 yos are generally obnoxious of both sexes, whereas sixth form tends to be more civilised and adult life much better.

Girls secondary talked about lots of opportunities but didn't back it up with say design/tech facilities, pool table or darts boards (unsuitable), chess clubs, little encouragement to do maths or business and never any suggestion that you'd want a job to support a family on (working after snagging a husband seemed fairly novel a concept).
Partly just maths and IT suffering from bad teaching, but resulting in a difference for the girls.

I went to both during secondary years. The boys were anything from silly to very funny to sweet to geeky, but I was never touched up or sexualised to my recollection.

In both settings though girls could turn on you in a heartbeat for the most trivial reason and then resume the friendship just as fast when the mood took them.

Girls affected my confidence and my treatment of others far more than boys.

It's still hard to be yourself at a girls school if you're into D&D or computer programming or science fiction (or football, darts etc) and no-one else is, and especially if the others look down upon such activities as 'sad'.

It's a sign of a bad school if pupils call girls wanting to do maths sad, but I've never heard it said to boys. And rarely by them.

My ideal is single gender to GCSE then mixed for sixth form. I think the benefit of single gender lower down the school is that there is no opportunity to hide behind stereotypes for certain subjects (eg English is for girls, boys are better at science etc).

I went to a mixed school - it was just a shitty school in a shitty area. Not sure boys and girls mixing had anything to do with it.
However, there was an all girl’s catholic school who’s back field adjoined to ours. We would all congregate by the fence at break times for our sneaky cigarettes and watch the absolutely brutal fights that would happen amongst the girls at the catholic school I’ve genuinely never seen such violence among girls since!
The memory has put me right off sending my kids to single sex schools even though there is a great girl’s school locally with amazing OFSTED reports can’t erase my brain of the image of chunks of hair being ripped out and bleeding scalps

RE: questions about why i moved schools.

I moved houses a lot for my parents’ work, and I finished school 4 years ago, so my experience is quite recent.

also, everyone’s opinions are very interesting, thank you!

I was in a mixed school from start to finish. I cannot say I experienced what you did. I would have been "popular". I would have been very good friends with the boys in my classes. We were never touched up, or comments made on our appearance. The boys in our class were actually quite protective of us. I think I was very much "one of the lads" and I acted as go between very often asking my girl friends "Will you go out with John/Eddie/Tom?".

25 years after leaving school I am still in occasionally contact with quite a few of the lads from my old secondary school. Still no sexual harassment of any type from them.

My children are now in mixed schools and seem to have a mix of friends too. My shy, awkward, won't make eye contact 14 year old son has 1 girl in his group of friends who is spoken about exactly the same as Bryan or James are..

YABU to decide schools on such a sweeping generalisation. So much depends on the school and on the child.

I went to an all girls school, it was hell and I hated it. Deliberately got myself excluded in the end and went to a mixed school with the worst reputation in the area, suited me perfectly and I did well there.
My sister went to the same all girls school I had hated, loved it and got on really well there.

Out of interest, I do wonder how much of the research on single sex schools takes in to account that the majority of single sex schools where I am at least are grammar schools or specialist schools of some sort? or is that not the case everywhere?

My daughter goes to a lovely nurturing single sex school and her brother a dab co-Ed. It’s the schools not the single or co-Ed status that makes the difference.

The school I went to was girls only until sixth form and then co-ed.
As a tomboy who had never cared about makeup etc, my abiding memory is of how girls who had wide ranging interests and were really comfortable in their own skin suddenly began turning into ultra 'girly' girls and modifying their looks and behaviour to attract the boys.
So, on balance, I think it's better if girls have at least had a period in their lives where they don't feel the need to do that.

I have four sons and was determined that they should go to "mixed" schools as they had no sisters at home. If I had only daughters I would have felt the same.
When kids have siblings of the opposite sex, going to mixed sex school is less important, but as a manager many years ago I remember the severe difficulties we had, especially with girls who had been employed straight from an all girls school into a mixed office enviroment.
They really did not know how to behave around men,

I went to a single sex school as did my brothers. We have all said we would not contemplate it for our own children.

How old is your dd? How old are you? Very young if you only finished your own school 4 years ago! You sound anxious? Do you have low self esteem?

@oblomov20

she’s a baby!! it’s just been on my mind since my younger sister is moving to secondary soon.

I’m 21, but finished secondary a year early.

How do I sound anxious? Or like I have low self esteem? I’d say both are true but both those things have only made their appearance rather recently - the fact you’ve sensed it makes me rather self conscious

I was horribly bullied at single sex school, it really screwed with my ability to trust other women. My go to is to talk with the men. I always had male friends more than women because of how it was a school.

I have 2 girls both at mixed secondary. One I would never have put in an all girls because she is similar to me in temperament but the other may have done fine in an
All girls.

Life isn't single sex so why should school be?

I was badly bullied (beaten) and abused by girls in my same sex girls school. The mixed school was. A bit better, But that came with its own problems.

My child is in a mixed school.

I went to an all girls school. I suspect I did better academically due to the culture if working hard, but I also think I would have benefited from having male friends, also the bullying was awful.