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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that a 75th birthday is not cause for a massive celebration?

238 replies

Spodge · 20/02/2020 17:34

DM will be turning 75 this year and has made it known that she wants a huge fuss made of her. She made no particular fuss of DF when he turned 75. It was just treated as a normal birthday.

I've always thought that the milestone birthdays are 18 and/or 21 and then 30, 40, 50 etc.

Just interested in whether others count 75 as a milestone.

OP posts:
CuteOrangeElephant · 20/02/2020 22:21

Whether or not it's a milestone birthday is cultural surely. Where I from 25 is a massive deal and 30 less so.

Aridane · 20/02/2020 23:00

I don’t really get making a big deal of adult birthdays beyond age 18. So self indulgent.

So very mumsnet

Squirrelpeanutbutter · 21/02/2020 12:35

Yeah anyone over 25 might as well be dead, apparently.

🙀

HomeMadeMadness · 21/02/2020 12:39

If you're still in good enough health at 75 for a big party I'd do it then rather than wait until 80. It sounds like she's quite self centred though which might be the real issue.

redastherose · 21/02/2020 12:47

I know for a fact it isn't a Hallmark milestone birthday because I had to make a 75th card up for my Mum this year. It is usually the '0' birthdays that are the milestone ones. I think your issue is more that she didn't think it was a milestone for your DF so why should it be for her. It may be that he didn't want a fuss and she does, worth asking him.

dottiedodah · 21/02/2020 13:06

I think 75 is a good age TBH! Why not indulge her a little? She probably wants to make the most of it while still fit and well!

Daenerys77 · 21/02/2020 13:10

She can celebrate any birthday or other occasion she wants, provided that she makes the arrangements and bears the expense herself.

dottiedodah · 21/02/2020 13:11

If you can afford the £500.00 for the hotel, then I think it would be a nice gesture .If not just say sorry mum ,Cant really do it ,but have her over for a nice meal instead .

saraclara · 21/02/2020 13:17

Absolutely fine to want to celebrate 75. Feels like a milestone to me.

Not fine to make people pay £1000 to celebrate it though.

Can you not just say "we'd love to celebrate with you, but sorry, we simply can't afford Fancyplace Hotel"?

Whatsername177 · 21/02/2020 13:26

I think it is a milestone. However, I like fuss being made on my birthday - it doesn't matter which number. It is one day out of 365 where I like my family to make a fuss over me. In return, I always make a fuss, especially over the kids when it is their birthday.

bridgetreilly · 21/02/2020 14:20

If you love your mum and this is what she wants and it’s not putting you out of pocket then go for it.

The £500/night hotel gives a clue here.

81Byerley · 21/02/2020 17:25

She might not be here for her 80th!

Shell4429 · 21/02/2020 17:54

Every birthday after 70 is a big deal in my opinion. I lost my mum at 65, so you’re lucky.

mumof2exhausted · 21/02/2020 18:03

My mum died last week she would have been 75 this year. Of course there should be a big celebration- she’s your mum should go without saying. There’s clearly a back story here as you must know you are being unreasonable if you think it’s odd to make a fuss of a 75th birthday

Runnerduck34 · 21/02/2020 18:12

I think 75 is worth celebrating, in the nicest possible way she may not see 80 and I think its a case of seize the day.
That said I can see that you're annoyed about your dads 75th not being made a fuss of but tbf your dad could have been just as proactive said that he'd like to do something to celebrate his 75th, just as your mum is now, it doesn't sound like anyone's suggested it or is arranging it on her behalf.
Having said that I think expecting your DC to spend a lot on going away to celebrate your birthday is a bit much and if you can't afford it I'd gently explain that and suggest something else instead.

JustMoved123 · 21/02/2020 18:15

YABU. I wish my mum had been alive to celebrate her 75th

MiniGuinness · 21/02/2020 18:20

I am more confused about 21 still being a “milestone”. I think 75 should be huge too.

Localocal · 21/02/2020 18:20

I think it's nice to make a fuss over the fives after 70. So, yes, I would be down with doing a big 75th, 80th, 85th, 90th.

MollyMinniesMum · 21/02/2020 18:22

Perhaps she knows something you don’t?

Boxerbinky · 21/02/2020 18:32

I lost my dad last year - he was 75.. we had a lovely family dinner for his birthday which is all the fuss he wanted - but when his photos came back as memories on my phone in October - I was glad we had marked the occasion. If she was my mum and wanted a fuss she would get one. Xx

BackforGood · 21/02/2020 18:44

As neither of my parents made it to their 75th, then I'd say yes - very worth while celebrating.

I think I'm going to have a 'bit of a do' for my 67th. Might not seem special, but that is when I'll get my pension and my bus pass.

Doesn't really matter why anyone else thinks a particular number is special or not, does it ?

shinynewapple2020 · 21/02/2020 18:50

Yes of course it is - far more of a reason to celebrate than being 30 or 40! 18 and 21 yes - these are significant for reaching adult hood but the zero birthdays on the way to old age - meh - celebrate if you want a celebration but they're no big deal. 70, 75, 80+ if you are still around and in good health then celebrate- you might not reach the next milestone.

Toomuchtrouble4me · 21/02/2020 18:51

So sad here to see how many women have these cold, often toxic relationships with their mothers.
My mother never wants a fuss but we fuss her anyway. How sad that she has ask and even sadder that you resent it.

Oscarsdaddy · 21/02/2020 18:54

I think important birthdays are

1, 16,18,21,30,40,50,65,75,80,90,100 and if you are unlucky enough to reach 100 then any year after

Pebbles69 · 21/02/2020 18:55

My father would have celebrated his 75th birthday next month but sadly he passed away last week. I would give anything to celebrate it with him.

So yes yabu, let her have her party

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