To ask were you smacked by your parents as a child, and do you forgive them now?

[blubberball]

I was smacked by my parents as a child. Sometimes they would completely lose their shit and smack me over and over, whilst shouting at me. Each syllable would be a smack. I remember wanting my dm to stop talking, so that she would stop hitting me. I remember being in the street and my dm taking a swing at my arse, and I managed to move to dodge it.

I guess it stopped at the "appropriate" age. 10 or something.

I have never smacked my dc, and would use time outs to discipline them. My parents moved with the times and followed my lead. I forgive them, and they are very loving and supportive now. It's strange to think that happened now.

My mother was convinced my kids would be little horrors because I didn't smack them - now she thinks very differently...I'd say now the little horrors are the kids who suffer abuse from the parents - and that includes neglect and smacking and the rest of it. Calm loving parents do not smack their kids.

I know my parents gave me the very occasional smack - like one smack on the bottom for running away. Never sustained, never with an object and never 'every time I was naughty'. I only know because mum mentioned it. I honestly don't remember any of them.

I do remember my mum chasing up us upstairs with a broom in her hand and whacking it on the staircase in tears. She'd spent the morning tidying for a party the next day, told us not to make a mess and, of course, we did. Big time. That's the only time I've seen her physically lose her rag. We all ran upstairs but I remember us laughing so we obviously didn't think mum would actually use the broom on US. The tears gave us more a clue to her frustration - mum never cried - and we stayed upstairs long enough for her to calm down then went and tidied up. We'd have been 11, 9 and 5 at the time I would guess - so old enough to realise we'd really overstepped the mark.

Mum was a shouter rather than a hitter and I am the same now - that was fun when the hormones kicked in as a teenager. It was a case of light the fuse and stand back at times with me and my mum but I'd defend her like a tiger if my friends were rude to her or about her. My dad would go very quiet when we'd upset him. That was our dad signal that we were in deep do-dah. He wouldn't sulk, just go quiet like people do when they don't trust themselves to say something just yet.

I tend to be a parent who asks DS to do something, asks a bit more firmly, snarls a 'get it done now' then shouts. I don't remember ever hitting DS - never needed to.

@MrsExpo
I didn't intend to say quite what you are attributing to me here.

I don't like smacking. I don't think it's a good way to discipline children.

However I also don't understand the viewpoint that some have that smacking (once, on the bum) is completely abusive, but yelling and screaming at kids is ok because we are all "only human". I have heard toddlers being called a dickhead, a little shit, being told they are stupid or being a little twat. But the parents feel this is all ok because, they say proudly, they never hit their kids.

I don't think either is great but if forced to choose between the long term impact of a toddler being repeatedly told she is a stupid little shithead and a twat and an ignorant little bitch or having their bum smacked on occasion....

No.

Utter contempt is nearer my feelings on the matter.

She only stopped smacking me because Arthritis meant it hurt her hands.

So she changed to punches, stamping on my feet, shoving me and, worst of all, going after the poor bloody dog to keep me in line. And, much to my horror and shame, meant that in two extreme moments as a parent when I was completely lost for what to do, completely out of my depth with fear at the rage they were expressing at me, I smacked each of my girls once.

That's what I won't forgive - she made me into a person who, despite so many years of patience, calm and quiet, determined that not only would I not do it, I wasn't her, so couldn't, when I felt trapped and under threat from lovely, lovely girls who probably weren't even a quarter of my weight, I fucking hit them and no amount of apologies can ever change what I did to them.

Sometimes they would completely lose their shit and smack me over and over, whilst shouting at me

That wasn't smacking, that was being beaten.

In my case it was always only a single smack and there is nothing to forgive.

I was never hit as a form of discipline. I was always hit because my mother was angry at me and she'd lost her temper.

No, I don't forgive her. I still remember being fucking terrified.

I was smacked, don't agree with it, wouldn't do it. Can honestly say I've never raised my voice to a child either. When I hear people saying "I couldn't help myself, the child provoked me" etc, I draw parallels with domestic abuse. If a man said "Yes I hit my wife because she did XYZ and I was so angry", would people think that's acceptable?

There is something off about this thread. Too many repeated posts and things that don’t add up. Hmmm 🤔

Those of you with “different times, different values” perspective do you apply the same rationale to husbands meting out “reasonable chastisement” to their wives in days gone by? Or even in countries which still permit it?

Or is it only children who are deserving of violence?

"Wait till you father gets home"
Waiting for a punishment to be metered out
Hitting out in temper
The atmosphere of fear

^This
I can still remember the sick feeling in my stomach when I waiting for my dad to get home and I knew I would get smacked - and smacked hard. Mum smacked us too, but sometimes she would use this waiting for punishment tactic.

One of things I remember most growing up was mum yelling at my dad not to hit us round the head. She didn't mind bruises on the body, but she was afraid of concussion - that should give you some idea of how hard we were hit.

Didn't really think about it as being wrong until I had my own kids and seeing just how small they are compared to an adult and wondering who on earth would think smacking a child was OK.
But now it makes me angry and yes I do view my parents in a different light. NC with dad for years anyway.

@blubberball (OP), you say you use time out as discipline. It may interest you to know that many people now feel that time out isn't the answer time.com/4195647/three-reasons-why-time-outs-may-be-damaging-your-child/

Methods of discipline change over time, I guess

Yes smaked as a child at home and at school and out of school and home!

Do i forgive them?. No I do not!

As theres nothing to forgive i reckon that in every instance i had done somethimg to deserve a quick wallop, misdemeanour judgement and punishment all in a very short space of time!

Abusive?, well maybe some will see that as such by how we see things today but back then par for the course.

We had a lot of respect for adults and policemen too and the headmaster at school and the teachers.

After seeing what happened in a shopping centre here a while back three young yobs were abusing a elderly couple just becase i think they could, no one intervened. I don't think for a moment we'd have done that at the same age.

We had a young yob nick the mony from a milk bottle a while ago i chashed him down the road and pulled him up over it but;

"I know my rights mister"

"You lay one hand on me my mum and dad will get you had up and in court"

" If you come near me my bruvver will call the police wontcha mate"

Maybe they know their rights but they don't know right from wrong.

We'd never have done that when i was their age.

Still as we sow we'll no doubt reap!

I was smacked occasionally but it didn't traumatise me in any way - I don't even remember it. I'm told the first time my dad smacked me I cried for 10 mins then went back to my toys and behaved myself. My dad cried for a week.

I don't feel the need to "forgive" them for something that was normal back then and didn't do me any harm.

@TheFaerieQueene there’s been glitches in posting across the site all morning.

I was given warnings then smacked if I carried on misbehaving . If i did receive a smack it was always on the top of my legs or buttock. I don’t believe in hitting children anywhere else on their body as that is abuse, I don’t blame my parents for doing it and it has never caused me any concern in later life.

@WhatsTheStoryToday I agree with you totally

I was never smacked (I am75 now). My dad once put me over his knee for going outside in my nightie after I was meant to be in bed. I struggled and kicked so much that he stopped before he hit me. The next day he brought me sweets and a comic. He said he was sorry because hitting was wrong but I had been very naughty and my punishment was having to lock the back door every night before I went to bed! I hated it.

I was smacked as a child and I was never a particularly horrible child, just a normal usually kind occasionally silly one. Now I have children of my own who are the same, I cannot believe that anyone would think "I'm twice the size if this person that I love, so its appropriate to physically hurt them to make them do what I want".

You'd never do so at work or in society. I have no idea why it was ever accepted.

I don't forgive just because it was the norm. They could have chosen otherwise.

Yep, I was smacked by my dad when I was naughty. There is nothing to forgive. I have a huge amount of respect for my dad, something which seems to be lacking these days.

Exactly @TheFaerieQueene. I’ve reported it because like I said above, putting graphic descriptions of your childhood abuse on a public forum is disturbing.

I forgive them but also acknowledge that it was damaging for me to be smacked by my parents. I'd be very happy for it to be illegal to physically discipline a child.

Oh and I hate the word 'smack'. You're hitting your child.

I've argued with people who hit their children and they really don't like the word 'hit'. Provokes an emotion in them similar to guilt, maybe? Smacking doesn't sound so awful does it.

I was smacked very occasionally and also don’t see any need to forgive my parents for it. On the other hand, I don’t smack DS.

My mother smacked me once. I remember because I was astonished. It didn't actually hurt. Of course I forgive her. Parenting is so hard and actually she was a much better mother than I am.

I've argued with people who hit their children and they really don't like the word 'hit'. Provokes an emotion in them similar to guilt, maybe? Smacking doesn't sound so awful does it.

You are so right!