To ask were you smacked by your parents as a child, and do you forgive them now?

[blubberball]

I was smacked by my parents as a child. Sometimes they would completely lose their shit and smack me over and over, whilst shouting at me. Each syllable would be a smack. I remember wanting my dm to stop talking, so that she would stop hitting me. I remember being in the street and my dm taking a swing at my arse, and I managed to move to dodge it.

I guess it stopped at the "appropriate" age. 10 or something.

I have never smacked my dc, and would use time outs to discipline them. My parents moved with the times and followed my lead. I forgive them, and they are very loving and supportive now. It's strange to think that happened now.

I was smacked regularly. One parent in a controlled way and although I think that was wrong and don't agree with smacking I don't have any negative feelings towards that parent.
The other parent hit in an out of control way, would be very angry and aggressive and continued to hit me into adulthood.
I feel very differently about that parent but they're a horrible person in many ways.

Smacking isn't ever ok. It's counter-productive, it doesn't give a positive message to children and I don't want to see children being frightened and compliant because they risk a smack.

I would happily see the law on smacking changed as this is a weird grey area when actually there should be an absolute no to smacking.

I'm 50 and my parents never smacked us. This was more unusual then but it's a bit of a myth that nobody knew any better in the seventies.

A smack is not the end of the world. If you mean physical abuse obs it's different. Common sense needs to enter the equation here.

I think this thread is divided between posters who are still enmeshed with their slap-happy parents and willing to put forward a variety of excuses for them and those who aren't. Nobody who regularly hits a child and shows no remorse is really 'the best', are they? Doesn't matter what other qualities they might have, they don't cancel those actions out.

I think that the posters able to forgive the occasional smack when they were naughty is not comparable to those of us who were smacked repeatedly over small misdemeanours. Often around the face or with the use of implements. I cannot forgive that and don't smack my own children.

And i've met plenty of people whose parents made a moral decision not to smack in the 80s, so the zeitgeist excuse isn't a strong one.

Yes I was, and no I have not forgiven her. It's complicated by my anger at her sending me to a school where smacking, shaking etc were something I witnessed daily, experienced myself regularly (for such crimes as 'not underlining the title with a ruler', ffs). This was the 1980s and 90s, when independent schools still had licence to hit pupils even though it was banned in state schools in 1988 or thereabouts.

I cannot forgive 'D'M for smacking me at home, or for paying to send me to an infant/primary school where children were humiliated and terrified from age 4 onwards.

She denies knowledge of it all now.

I was smacked but nothing like op experienced. That sounds really awful. I still remember how awful being smacked was- yes, I forgive them but I don’t think it’s the right approach with kids.

CarolinaPink common sense like dont physically put your hand on a child in a way that is designed to cause pain however you wanna dress it up

Neither of my parents were "a bit of a shit" so that's utter bollocks.

That's your opinion. In my opinion if they smacked you, they were shits.

Nobody needs to smack in order to teach children to behave appropriately. Nobody needs to use violence as any kind of tool. Would you be ok with teachers smacking your DC? Friends of the family? If not, why not? Is it only ok for parents?

I've spent 14 years and 9 years parenting and never needed to smack. I've told them off, I've been close to losing my temper. But never once have I needed to physically assault someone smaller (or even taller now that the teen is massive) than me and I don't see why anyone else would need to. I've also spent the majority of my career in schools with some enormously challenging children, most of whom have been smacked frequently. Witnessing young children flinch when an adult moves quickly near to them is awful and just reinforces my belief that using smacking as a tool has no positive impact.

Exactly @flower1994

If your child hit you, you wouldn't say "well done for using your common sense, darling" would you?!

Yes and nothing to forgive.

I was smacked as was the norm within the community at that time. It was never dangerous or done in a rage. My parents were loving and we had a happy supportive home.

I have never smacked my children and my parents didn’t expect me to do so or smack my children when they looked after them, I imagine their own views on this have change along within everyone else.

Yes I was. No I don't. She lost control all the time. Ss did sweet FA

I was smacked by my mum, never beaten but often smacked. It doesn't bother me as an adult. My father rarely smacked me but was and still is hurtful and critical with his words. This has affected me far more and still does.

I was smacked sometimes (hard enough that it hurt, but never in the uncontrolled, frenzied way described in your OP. That sounds horrible).
Nothing to forgive from my perspective. I don't really remember the smacks - I just remember knowing not to mess with my mum! I knew even then I deserved it, and - crucially - any smacking was balanced with plenty of love and kindness the rest of the time. Hats off to her, as I was never in any doubt how much she loves me, and as an adult we're very close.

I think that the posters able to forgive the occasional smack when they were naughty is not comparable to those of us who were smacked repeatedly over small misdemeanours. Often around the face or with the use of implements. I cannot forgive that and don't smack my own children.

Yes, that. There are a lot of posters on this thread who were clearly subject to extensive physical and emotional abuse which is obviously horrendous. It really isn't the same thing as a one off smack because your parent has lost their temper.

Obviously the latter still isn't acceptable (I genuinely haven't seen anyone on this thread say that it is) and I haven't done it myself (though like I say I have certainly felt like it occasionally), but I can see how and why it happens. Affairs aren't ok or acceptable either but I can see how and why they happen.

killingalltheplants people on this thread have said it's an okay way to discipline your child. I cant see how or why, makes my stomach turn

I got smacked and hit as a kid. Usually when my mothers anger couldn't be contained.

It stopped far too late. Aged 19. I told she laid a hand on me once more I'd break her jaw.

She had a terrible childhood and was hit by her own mother to the point of courts getting involved. I forgive her.

I will never hit my own children. The shame of being hit was way worse than the pain.

I was smacked and nothing to forgive. They did their best.
It's funny how we live in a world that is recognising mental health problems a lot more (for instance in the work place) and yet we focus on physical violence when it comes to children. Banning smacking isn't really a solution to anything. Smacking can be done without any long term harm being caused. Nobody is perfect. Emotional abuse tends to be a lot more powerful and destructive. Just because a child isnt being smacked doesn't mean they are ok. Same the other way around. It's just too easy to focus on physical violence.

It's funny how we live in a world that is recognising mental health problems a lot more (for instance in the work place) and yet we focus on physical violence when it comes to children. Banning smacking isn't really a solution to anything. Smacking can be done without any long term harm being caused. Nobody is perfect. Emotional abuse tends to be a lot more powerful and destructive. Just because a child isnt being smacked doesn't mean they are ok. Same the other way around. It's just too easy to focus on physical violence.

I completely agree. Like, sometimes when I have really shouted at my son I think is this really any better than smacking him. Still an inappropriate display of anger.

I was smacked by my mother, and subjected to verbal assaults too. Not smacked that often.

The worst thing was when she lamped me when I was older(12-14, that sort of age) and would then deny it years later. She was bloody Mother Theresa in her eyes, gaslighting me. In fact she still gaslights, but now she’s in her 80s and is genuinely losing her memory so hey ho.

So, the worst thing was her denying it, making me out to be a liar, but that’s been her stock-in-trade all my life.

I suppose I’m saying that it’s never that simple i.e. ‘just’ a clip round the ear, ‘just’ a smack. Family politics is rarely that simple, imo.

Oh ffs no one is saying mental and emotional abuse is ok, of course it isn't... This thread is about the physical use of punishment though which is why the discussion is mostly focused on that.

I will add that smacking can indeed have long term affects psychologically and can often be accompanied with emotional abuse... As some have demonstrated on this thread.

And I’m saying that the two often go hand in hand, no ‘ffs’ about it...

Seems like 90% of parents born before 1945 were shits!