To ask were you smacked by your parents as a child, and do you forgive them now?

[blubberball]

I was smacked by my parents as a child. Sometimes they would completely lose their shit and smack me over and over, whilst shouting at me. Each syllable would be a smack. I remember wanting my dm to stop talking, so that she would stop hitting me. I remember being in the street and my dm taking a swing at my arse, and I managed to move to dodge it.

I guess it stopped at the "appropriate" age. 10 or something.

I have never smacked my dc, and would use time outs to discipline them. My parents moved with the times and followed my lead. I forgive them, and they are very loving and supportive now. It's strange to think that happened now.

I was smacked as a child but I would say the it was actually abuse more than a smack.

I was regularly beaten with a slipper on my thighs with a slipper with a hard rubber sole.

I was punched threatened with an axe, burnt once with a cigarette.

I was beaten repeatedly over the smallest things and sometimes I would have no understanding of why I was beaten even looking back now I dont understand as I didnt misbehave eg being sent to the shop to buy a treat and rather than a regular sized one I bought one I bought large I was beaten really badly.

It would never be one smack either it would be repeatedly being beaten and most of the times with an object as a weapon.

Theres a difference between a smack and abuse but it's so easy to cross that line.

To this day I have never forgiven my parents.
My mother is deceased and I'm very low contact with my father for various reasons

Any adult who smacks a child is using abuse of power.

Reading these reinforces my opinion that smacking is just plain wrong and quite frankly disgusting. Some of these comments are quite upsetting and I feel for the posters who have suffered abuse by the very people who are meant to teach and protect them.

Sincerely hope England soon bans it like Scotland and Wales have.

I was smacked. I dont forgive my parents for it. I grew up aggressive and low self esteem as a result

It's taken years of reflection to re programme myself. Worries me very much when people think it's ok or excusable

Yes.

I don't know at what point in conception, pregnancy or birth that a parent become magically perfect but a lot of people seem to think they should.

Parents are human too.

I was smacked and haven’t thought much of it. I would like to think I’d never smack my kids and never have to date but things were different back when I was a kid and smacking was fairly standard. I have never been smacked the way you described though..that sounds like abuse to me being hit over and over...

I was smacked. As others have said, it was normal at the time so I don’t really think about it in terms of forgiveness.

I don’t however think it was their finest parenting and I assume that my firm decision not to smack my children has made my thoughts in this clear to them. I’m also certain that they would not suggest that “sparing the rod” has “spoiled” my children.

No. I don't forgive all the emotional and physical abuse I went through. I wasn't just smacked for being naughty. I was beaten often for no reason and without warning.

Yes. No. Smackers are nasty pieces of work who don't deserve children.

I was smacked by one parent and given "a look" by the other parent. I don't think I have turned out too bad. All my friends got the odd smack and all of us respect our parents and some have cared for parents in old age. We are all well mannered.
I was a mother about the time it started to be frowned upon to smack children and mine were never smacked. Their conduct as young children was fine but as they got to teenage years they became very stroppy. I don't remember any of the girls in my friends circle or my female classmates ever getting away with things because of PMT. I am not sure now, did we never have any period problems or were we brave and hardy and just lived through it all.
We never thought of going LC or NC with our parents or grandparents. We visited and accepted they were brought up in different times and accepted their time related ideas. We did not use our DC to emotionally compel our parents.
My DCs have children now. They smack the children. I have also been the target of some smacks and physical abuse. It does not look like the "no smacking" rules turned out better children. I wonder how their children will turn out.

Some of these experiences are heartbreaking. I did mention upthread that I was smacked and, although I don't feel mentally scarred by it, I always knew I could never hit a child, or anyone for that matter.

The problem is that parents had different ideas about what was 'acceptable'. I was smacked and nothing more ... usually around the back of the legs. My DP was smacked too. But he was smacked across the face, thumped with a closed fist, pushed into walls and generally battered. His much younger sister was not smacked because societal norms had changed by the time she was born (16 years later) and she has no idea why her older siblings have such a difficult relationship with their parents. As far as she's concerned, a wee slap was the norm and telling her that it was much worse than that is like pissing in the wind. She can't imagine it. Her parents have managed to grind her down in other ways, because some people just have to be abusive and if it can't be physical, it will be mental.

There needs to be no smacking. That way there are no blurred lines about what is ok - how hard, how often, where on the body, what for. It's awful that some people will only ever not hit their children because it becomes illegal.

I was and I don’t forgive it.

My mum smacked/punched/hit me with her hand or whatever object she could find. I would go into school with welts on my arm, a bust lip and a bloodshot eye (different occasions) among other things.

She had no control and while I was a total shit at times my behaviour didn't warrant that level of abuse. And more importantly it didn't stop my poor behaviour. And by poor behaviour I'm referring to answering back or getting in a strop when I didn't want to do something.

My dad used to work nights which is why it happened. He would have intervened. But he wasn't a pleasant person either.

I think my parents thought they were right at the time - it was a cultural thing and the 80s.

I forgive them but it made my self worth and esteem low.

Yes I was smacked, no I don't forgive. Smacking is done by people who have no other method of "control" and frankly, anyone who is trying to raise a child and can't find a better way forward than violence is a bit of a shit.

I was a child of the 60s. My parents were married as teenagers and had 5 children. I was never hit as a child. Never. if we behaved badly, our parents would scold us, give us punishments such as doing the dishes, helping siblings with homework, no treats from daddy (he bought us pop and crisps every friday night). I only became aware of friends being hit by parents when I was about 8 or 9. I was horrified. My loving parents had immensely difficult lives, trying to work enough to provide for us all. so to hear from school friends about beatings was outside of my experience. I am so so lucky to have them as my parents. me and my siblings have 20 children between us. none, to my knowledge, has ever been hit. It is possible to live that way.

Neither of my parents were "a bit of a shit" so that's utter bollocks.

I was smacked as a child, and even had my mouth washed out with soap for swearing once. This was mid-late 90s.

It honestly doesn’t bother me, my parents are the best and it hasn’t affected our relationship in the slightest. That said, I wouldn’t smack my own children as I think times have changed. But I definitely don’t feel there’s anything to forgive.

this thread is doing my head in. you do not have the right to put your hands on another person, even less so than someone more vulnerable and small then yourself. its genuinely quite sickening that this has so many people that think it's okay. poor kids

My mum battered me. It was horrendous. They weren't just quick smacks on the bum, she slapped me everywhere, would kick me in bed. I would be in agony.

One time she battered me in front of a family friend and she called me the next day to see if I was ok. I was 15. She was kicking me whilst I tried to roll myself up in my duvet to protect myself.

My DSis hit her back once - I wish I'd had the guts to do that.

When she slapped me round the face she actually cut me once with her nail and made me tell everyone it was a dog scratch.

It wasn't until I moved out that I truly realised how wrong it was and I fell out with her, told her I'd never forgive her. My DH was never smacked by his parents.

I still see her now but I tolerate her. She's narcissistic too.

I'm welling up writing this. I don't ever want my DS to fear me like I did her

I was smacked but my mum says she regrets it.

I would never smack and I never have smacked my own children. Smacking is not discipline - it's abuse.

Yes I was smacked, across the head and also my bare bum, repeatedly and hard. Accompanied by insults and piss taking when I was sobbing ‘sorry’ my mother would imitate me saying ‘sorry’. She’d also call me a slut.
My dad would also hit me - bruising.
I witnessed him hitting my mother on many occasions. Pretty violent household. I’d be on a child protection plan if it happened today.
I learnt loads from being hit. How to wriggle out of trouble by blaming others, how I didn’t want to treat my own children, what I didn’t want in a relationship. It didn’t stop me being naughty.
I don’t hit my kids or advocate it for the kids I teach. Certainly don’t understand’calm’ smacking - I find it very sinister to explain you were about to hit someone. I can understand it happening more in anger.

Oh and if I was upset about anything and crying, I’d get ‘Stop crying or I’ll give you something to cry for” and get hit then too.

Yes i was smacked and they'd need to be remorseful in order for me to consider forgiving them. They are not.

I got a couple of quick smacks from my mum as a kid. Not hard and not over and over as you describe. It stopped me acting out - she only ever did it as a last resort - and I don’t feel at all upset about it.

My dad tried to belt me as a teenager - missed, the twat - and I feel very angry about that.

The emotional manipulation, awful verbal abuse and bullying is what I don’t forgive my parents for.

My husband would get a slap on the bum from his mum - again, fine. His dad would lose it and rough him up (but not so as to leave marks ) - upsets him as he was out of control.

I should say I never have and never would smack my own child. And I don’t think it’s okay for it to be legal, because it is harm. But of all the harm my parents did to me, it is that’s which bothers me the least.