To ask were you smacked by your parents as a child, and do you forgive them now?

[blubberball]

I was smacked by my parents as a child. Sometimes they would completely lose their shit and smack me over and over, whilst shouting at me. Each syllable would be a smack. I remember wanting my dm to stop talking, so that she would stop hitting me. I remember being in the street and my dm taking a swing at my arse, and I managed to move to dodge it.

I guess it stopped at the "appropriate" age. 10 or something.

I have never smacked my dc, and would use time outs to discipline them. My parents moved with the times and followed my lead. I forgive them, and they are very loving and supportive now. It's strange to think that happened now.

Yes I was smacked, most people my age were. I don’t even think about it now tbh.

It's hardly a teaching moment if you've lost it so much you can think of nothing else to do except smack your child. Both my parents hit me, my dad belted me once because I wouldn't do my coat up (I was about 13!) - that was nothing more than an ego trip. My mum would make me go and get my riding crop so she could hit me with it. I really was not an unusually naughty child.

I don't understand how anyone can argue that the only way you can teach your child is through violence.

I have only ever felt like hitting my children when I am really angry and I never have because I know that I am not really coming from a place where I am going to help them learn something. It's just pure self indulgence to hit your children. I've never forgiven my parents.

Very occasionally. It was threatened more than done.

I was smacked. Sometimes it felt like uncontrolled rage and sometimes it was warranted - my dad was abusive to my mum at times and things were difficult and when things were difficult we would experience the uncontrolled rage. They both loved me and my sister but I actually think we're both a bit messed up by it all. I don't believe in perfect families and mine definitely wasn't. It wasn't a case of forgiveness but accepting the flaws of my family members and trying to find a way forward.

I've only smacked my kids a couple of times. I realised early on that I was like my dad and couldn't control my temper when I was feeling upset. I would never want my child's self confidence to be taken away from them the way mine was and the second and last time I did it, I saw how it affected him and promised myself I would find a better way. It's not the smacking that's the abuse but the way it is done. It just destroys confidence and self esteem. When I did something wrong I always knew I had, and I didn't need a shouting parent, chasing me up the stairs.

I was smacked by my DM and I must admit that on the rare occasions that she did smack me, I deserved it. My DM's upbringing was very abusive and neglectful from her DM, so physical punishment was always the very last resort.
My DF never laid a finger in my, or my DBro until DBro was 15 and our DF caught him pummelling the hell out of me. It was the only time we had ever seen our DF get violent in our lives. He grabbed DBro and threw him against the wall. DBro never hit me again after that.

I was never smacked by my mother, a stern look and lecture was all it took. She did occasionally smack my very naughty brother. He would always say ‘that didn’t hurt afterwards’.

However I was smacked by my father when he lost control, it did hurt and it did leave a mark. He was never sorry afterwards and struggled to parent us as we got older as he couldn’t apply any other form of discipline. I don’t forgive him but I do understand. He was belted, neglected and criticised by his parents who later abandoned him. I love my dad and I guess he didn’t do to badly.

My parents smacked me as last resort if I had ignored all other warnings. I had to be playing up badly, they weren't dished out for just anything.

It stopped when I got to about 8. I remember a woman over the road moved from a country that would hit kids with things like ladles. She hit her kid who was about 4 and my mum was shocked that she did it, her DH told her she couldn't do that in this country. So I guess by then people were realising it wasn't how to raise children.

However I also don't understand the viewpoint that some have that smacking (once, on the bum) is completely abusive, but yelling and screaming at kids is ok because we are all "only human". I have heard toddlers being called a dickhead, a little shit, being told they are stupid or being a little twat. But the parents feel this is all ok because, they say proudly, they never hit their kids.

This.... Smacking is wrong and I don’t condone it, but an occasional smack on the bottom is not on the level of appalling child abuse as some suggest... that’s an insult to those who have been abused.

I was very occasionally smacked as a child in the context of a loving and supportive family, and it barely registers as a memory, let alone something that was traumatic and requiring forgiveness... they were no more than light taps and very different to what some people have described! I admit to have similarly done so very occasionally myself to my children. I’m not proud of this, but neither am I racked with guilt.

I also think it takes a lot when a parent has smacked on the past admits it wasn't the right way... It's better to own up and take responsibility for bad parenting decisions.

I remember reading something on a parenting group about a mother smacking her child because they hit their sibling I wonder where they learned physical violence is the go to when you don't like something? Just seems a bit silly to me and hypocritical. I also remember a friend of mine smacking her mother back when she was smacked. She had learnt that behavior from her mum. She told her never to hurt her again.

To be honest a lot of the people I know who were regularly smacked ended up being the worse behaved and most disrespectful teens/adults. Also a lot of them became violent themselves, it's interesting as some people claim smacking teaches respect.

As for a comment mentioning yelling. I don't agree with that either, the best parenting is done when it's calm and reasonable full stop. There's a difference between being firm and yelling BUT I think I'd rather that be the "last resort" or the "loss of control" over smacking. Still not great though.

I was smacked in the 90s. I have nothing but love and respect for my parents, who disciplined me as needed.

I was smacked, completely normal imo as most of my friends were. Never beaten & always warned. Interestingly I was once punished by having to miss a school disco. I was devastated & still remember it now, I begged for a slap instead but no such luck.

I often read if smacking works why do you have to do it on more than one occasion. Surely you can say that about every form of punishment though.

Do people ‘respect’ other adults if they’re assaulted in the street by them? Why not?

Parents hitting small, dependent, vulnerable kids isn’t not worthy of respect, and it’s not ‘discipline’, it’s assault, indefensible, inexcusable and of anyone thinks they ‘turned out fine’ they are wrong, since they think that attacking kids is fine, good, even. A ‘smack’ is for causing pain or ‘shock’, a ‘tap’ is the same but worded to make the attack seem acceptable. If you don’t aim to cause pain and shock by the attack, it’s a ‘touch’, so you ‘touch’ your kid to teach them not to assault other people/the tired old cliche of running into the road etc. Either way, straight up failure as a parent, as a human, utterly disgusting. People who choose to assault kids need disciplined and educated. ‘Tap’ them 👍

The words in inverted commas are phrases used by people who assault kids to make it seem ok, normal, ‘discipline’, almost as if they have to trip over themselves to justify attacking a kid. No need to forgive them or think the world was different then, attacking people has never been ok, there’s literally zero excuse for it. It’s not like it’s a secret that kids are a fucking nightmare, people producing more kids are fully aware of how hard their lifestyle choice will be, and yet don’t bother to parent, and just hit the dependent kid to ‘teach’ it that hitting is fine.

The mind boggles.

I often read if smacking works why do you have to do it on more than one occasion. Surely you can say that about every form of punishment though.

Probably right there. Which is why I was never a fan of punishment myself.

But if you accept that all punishments are equally ineffective, why would you then opt for the one that involves hitting another person?

Maybe you'd have preferred to be hit rather than not go to the school disco but maybe your parents were sick of having to be violent to you.

And tbh if my child begged me to hit them as a punishment I'd feel I had fucked up considerably - wouldn't you?

I learnt my lesson from being smacked when I was younger and told when I was doing wrong

Although wish my dad would have listened more because acting that way sometimes was uncalled for
Twice he hit me for not doing anything wrong
Once me and my sister was running round the dining room table playing tag and then one of us caught this fruit bowl ornament fell and smashed and my sister stood on a piece of glass and it imbedded in her foot and it was really nasty and had to go hospital and he smacked me for breaking the ornament when I don't even know if it was me who knocked it and it was only an accident and my sister didn't get one,
The second time I was in my room and I was having a new door put on my bedroom and it was leaning against my bunk bed , I was on the top bunk and my sister came in and was having a go about something and as she stormed back out, kicked the bottom of the door that was leaning up against the bed (they weren't the heaviest of doors) and it fell on her and she was crying and my dad ran in pulled me from the top bunk and hit me twice saying I'm nasty and horrible for pushing the door down on to my sister when really she did it to herself and she owned up to it a few hours later that it wasn't me and he never apologised,

So times like that I wish he just listened before he went straight for a smack but the other times I've had a back hand I've learnt my lesson and think sometimes it's the best way to put kids in their place.

"Best way to put kids in their place" - wow... That actually made me shudder.

No I do not forgive. It is the exact reason I don’t smack my children, it’s cruel, if you can’t articulate or be understood.... get so parenting advice. It’s not a sign of weakness but a sign of strength because you want to be better.

Bit of a provocative question to ask early in the morning and then never retrn to throughout the whole day.
Are you writing an article ?

I too was slapped once for each syllable, Lucky DM didn’t know any long words. By the age of eleven I was taller than her and every time she hit me I hit her back. She soon gave up.

I only remember once being smacked.
Taken out of a restaurant when I was 4, pants pulled down and smacked on my bare bum
I don't remember it hurting, I think I was just playing up at the table, being a pest.
No, I don't forgive my Mum, it was a horrible thing to do.

And tbh if my child begged me to hit them as a punishment I'd feel I had fucked up considerably - wouldn't you?

I was being flippant but yes I'm incredibly damaged & settle all my disagreements by whacking strangers. My parents aren't English & it was much more acceptable in their culture. I don't do it but I carry zero resentment & have a fantastic relationships with them

Not that often, but I was hit by Dad. I was a 70s child and most of us got the odd slap. Nothing to forgive.

It's a power thing. A control thing. An 'I'm bigger than you' thing.

Or else it would continue into older years. Once you're big enough to hit back, it magically stops. Funny that.

Therefore it's not a form of discipline, but control through fear, when that person is bigger and stronger than you.

My mum occasionally smacked us, but never really hard. She was always mortified afterwards and regretted it bitterly - she was always more upset about it than we were. I completely forgive her - she never meant to hurt us and it didn't do us any harm.

I only remember my dad hitting me once, but that was in a panic to stop me from electrocuting myself, so it doesn't really count. I was always much more scared of him than I was of my mum though!

Neither DH nor I have ever smacked our dd. She never gave us cause, but I really hope we wouldn't have done it even if she had been really naughty. I think my dsis and I probably pushed my mum to the edge at times!

I do not forgive my mother for smacking me. She used to fly into a rage and repeatedly smack me, leaving me with bruises that lasted days, while shouting that I'm a bitch, a cow, she's going to abandon me etc.

I do not remember my father smacking me but my mother tells me it happened once when I was very little. He locked me in a room and repeatedly smacked me and my mother couldn't rescue me. Apparently I was so scared I was hardly breathing.

I remember my father bringing home a plastic stick so that my mother could use it to punish me. It was a square stick so when they hit me using the edge it meant the force was concentrated on a small area creating maximum pain. The marks lasted days. They say they only hit me a few times with it and I don't forgive either of them for it.