To ask were you smacked by your parents as a child, and do you forgive them now?

[blubberball]

I was smacked by my parents as a child. Sometimes they would completely lose their shit and smack me over and over, whilst shouting at me. Each syllable would be a smack. I remember wanting my dm to stop talking, so that she would stop hitting me. I remember being in the street and my dm taking a swing at my arse, and I managed to move to dodge it.

I guess it stopped at the "appropriate" age. 10 or something.

I have never smacked my dc, and would use time outs to discipline them. My parents moved with the times and followed my lead. I forgive them, and they are very loving and supportive now. It's strange to think that happened now.

I'm sorry but what you described was a beating. There is a difference. I received a few smacks growing up but what I remember most was the nasty name calling as they did it. I hardly speak to either of my parents now (I'm 50)

Yes I was.

No, I don’t.

I was certainly smacked as a child, that was how it was, and I have never seen anything to forgive

Pretty normal in the 60s / 70s, so yes i was and nothing to forgive, its what parents did.. along with many other things deemed unacceptable these days.

The amount of women on here condoning physically assaulting children is scary. I was hit. I have no respect for my mum as a mother.

Yes I was, no I do not. And I never will.

My egg donor hit me, not to discipline me, but out of anger. She took her shitty temper out on me (the oldest) but rarely ever raised a hand to my younger siblings. I bore the brunt of her temper when one of them wound her up, did something wrong or had a rough night's sleep. She was a bastard then, she's still a bastard and going NC was the single best step I took as an adult.

I was smacked and to be honest, they did things I find far more unforgiveable than smacking.

I was smacked, and I don't feel like there's anything to forgive. I was raised well and I thank my parents for that. Any time I got it, I was asking for it...I got plenty warning first. If I behaved properly, I would never get smacked, so it was only when I pushed my luck that I got it.

My mother used to give us the odd smack. My father never did. There's nothing to forgive and I don't think badly of it. Now, I've had cousins that were beaten by their parents. Witnessing those beatings as a child was traumatic as they really went to town on them. There's a difference between beating your child for a prolonged period and smacking them once in a while.
A friend of my DDs parents discipline her every move, every minor thing, not physically but with time outs and other consequences, such as taking away her dolly for a day. Every move is scrutinized. I think that's more damaging then an odd smack when the child has really pushes the limits.

No I have never forgiven my father. It has really fucked me up to be honest 😢 I will never understand hurting your precious DC. I would never ever lay a finger on mine.

it was always the same children being beaten, even at infants school

Good point. I remember a boy I used to be invited to his parties, and his parents would both smack him round his head at his birthday party.
All through school, his mum and dad used to clout him.
He ended up in prison, for hitting his girlfriend...great job of teaching him discipline!

I was also at school when they used corporal punishment. It was the same kids getting caned by the headteacher all the time - so clearly didn’t work! And I still feel incredibly bitter and angry about the fact that teachers were allowed to hit us whenever the fancy took them. I remember being smacked hard by the reception class teacher when I wet myself

I was never smacked and I would struggle to forgive my parents if they had. None of us have gone off the rails as a result of missing out on being smacked! If you have to resort to that you have already lost

Yes, I was smacked but never beaten as you describe OP.

As for forgiven, what for? It was a swiftly administered punishment fairly and consistently given (so not very often because I knew what would happen) and quickly forgotten.

I have a feeling the next generation will go back to it as a kinder, more reasonable way to deal with discipline than the time out and naughty step to which they've been subjected. I hate the idea of effectively telling a child they've been so bad you want them out of your sight and if grounding/removing some privilege is used, it certainly isn't swiftly forgotten.

blubberball yes my DF did but I found out years later he resented me because of the close relationship I had with DM. Jealousy is a terrible thing.

I did have counselling for another matter many years later but refused to discuss my relationship with DF or be critical of stuff from 'the past'. I suppose I have forgiven him, but I think about this poem by Philip Larkin that sums up my feelings on parents:-

They fuck you up, your mum and dad.

They may not mean to, but they do.

They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.

But they were fucked up in their turn
By fools in old-style hats and coats,

Who half the time were soppy-stern
And half at one another’s throats.

Man hands on misery to man.
It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
And don’t have any kids yourself.

I have never laid a hand on my children ( grown up now) and can say with confidence that we have a very close and respectful relationship.

I had the odd smack when I had overstepped the mark. It really was fine. Not for a moment has it occurred to me to 'forgive'. They did their best.

GoldenKelpie

Never knew that tune had the other verses!, though it was just the first!

Learn something every day!

ElderAve absolutely ridiculous. a time out is exactly that- a time out to calm down and escalate the situation. surely you're not suggesting hitting is a kind way go discipline!?????? what are you on!?

descalte*

Was smacked occasionally, as were all of my friends, and thanks heavens. You didn't see as many kids behaving like absolute monsters as you do now.

Yes i was smacked. Nothing to forgive. It was discipline. I survived none the worse for wear.

Not RTFT. I was smacked, belted, hit with slippers. I do not forgive them for it. The effects have lasted a lifetime. You don't assault the ones you love (or anyone..for that matter)

No I don't forgive the belting in the 70's

Born in the 80s, smacking was a thing . Myself and ever friend was smacked as a form of discipline, however I have never used it on my own DC as I remember how scared I was of it as a child. My parents are brilliant and I couldn't wish for better.

Yes and yes.