To ask were you smacked by your parents as a child, and do you forgive them now?

[blubberball]

I was smacked by my parents as a child. Sometimes they would completely lose their shit and smack me over and over, whilst shouting at me. Each syllable would be a smack. I remember wanting my dm to stop talking, so that she would stop hitting me. I remember being in the street and my dm taking a swing at my arse, and I managed to move to dodge it.

I guess it stopped at the "appropriate" age. 10 or something.

I have never smacked my dc, and would use time outs to discipline them. My parents moved with the times and followed my lead. I forgive them, and they are very loving and supportive now. It's strange to think that happened now.

Or running up the stairs thinking you'd gotten away, only to be caught by the ankle at the last second

yes and yes i do forgive them when i was spoon smacked when under 10.

given the toxic and at times brutal relationships within our home during the teenage years parent to sibling and as well, sibling to sibling, smacking is the least of my worries.

i have never and will never smack my own as i don't think it works. i shout a bit or remove child from situation or if i'm at the end of my tether and dont want to scream/explode, i walk away and ignore.

My Dad smacked me and my sister, a lot, it wasn't effective discipline it was him losing his very short temper with 2 little girls that messed about at bed time or were fussy eaters. I don't feel overly traumatised by it but I think he was, for this and many other reasons, a terrible father who I love but I've got no respect for.

I was smacked. I don't see it as something that needs to be forgiven.

However, I had a very different experience to the OP in that it was the "nuclear option" for dangerous/very bad behaviour. It was so rare that I only actually remember it happening once! Also, my parents would never have lashed out at us in anger, as it sounds like OP's did. And I don't think it ever happened after about 4 or 5 - I assume the point when I could make the connection between bad behaviour and loss of privileges.

I was frequently smacked or slapped by DM, rarely by DF. She often lost her temper and would scream at us and slap/lash out

I don't think I've forgiven her fully for it

Was beaten by my stepfather 😠😤

It is pretty harrowing reading on here. To anyone who was labelled 'bad' or 'evil' alongside the humiliation of smacking, I hope you have been able to heal from that. And there is no hand wringing here. That is utterly insulting.

As I said upthread, I recall being threatened with a smacked bottom, but not if it ever actually happened. Might ask my sister.

But I DO remember:

• being described in hushed tones as a 'monster' for having a difference of opinion, aged 16 (thought my mum was a right melodramatic cow - she still has a complete inability to accept other points of view)
• being told they might have to send me away to boarding school because my atheism was upsetting my sister
• being snapped at when I tripped and ripped my knee open and the 'new' second hand posh brand trousers she'd just bought

I don't think a smacked bum would have bothered me very much as a child - we were semi-feral, generally polite, well behaved but rough and tumble physically. If I didn't get mad at my sister hurting me, I could hardly do so with my parents.

I wasn't, DP was whipped with a riding crop. I think this is extreme, he says he was a little shit and deserved it. I see no harm.in a smack but then I am old school.

I was smacked occasionally. Not over and over again like you were though. That to me sounds cruel and abusive rather than a means of discipline and I'b be pretty angry with my parents if I were you OP.

Haven’t read the full thread but wanted to comment as the OP hasn’t updated yet and may still be reading.
I was smacked by my parents a lot. Much more then my siblings but then I was the most difficult (not that that makes it ok, just saying it was proportional to behaviour).
Do I forgive them? No.
Do I have a relationship with them? Yes.
Have I ever left my children in their care? No.

My childhood memories are so very hazy. I hardly remember anything. Honestly, my siblings will say ‘do you remember so and so when we went to the US’? No. The only thing I remember about that holiday was when my Dad smacked me so hard, I dropped my coke and then he smacked me again for dropping my drink. I can’t remember Disney or the water parks or the flights. I only remember the times I was hit.

Same with memories growing up. I remember being hit with the slipper. I remember being hit because I cried. I remember being hit staring at my Dad with such hatred for him and him goading me to ‘make him hit me again’. Do it again Molly, see what happens. Sometimes I did do it again just to prove to him that he couldn’t hurt me. I was just a child but I remember that.

Sometimes I want to hit my own children. I was never taught a different way of discipline, I was only taught anger, violence, hatred. That’s the reason why I will never hit them. Because someone has to break the cycle of pain.

I was smacked. It was not the right thing. But it was the advice given and pushed by health professionals and parenting journals at the time. I forgive them. Especially as I know they regret it and given the time again it would not happen.

I don't think it's a question of what's old fashioned and what's not. It's unacceptable to use violence to control someone's behaviour, whether that be an adult or a child.

I'm sure some people have rosy memories of getting a light tap, but for the vast majority of us, past and present, it was an unnecessary emotionally traumatic experience. It's not the pain of being hit which is the problem. It's being exposed to a world where you are not reasoned with like a human being, but beaten into submission like a circus animal.

Yes I was smacked. It was the 1970s. Everyone was smacked. Forgiveness doesn't come into it. I rarely think about it. It was just the way things were those days.

I was also smacked at school. And hit with implements. The cane was legal and used. And my parents would have backed the school up if I had complained. Again, just a sign of the times

My dad smacked us as kids. I was quite well behaved so escaped most of it. However, it was terrifying, I was in fear quite a lot of the time.

My dad changed with my youngest sister and wouldnt dream of hitting the grandkids.

I would hate to have my son living in fear of me at all. I will never smack him and expect no one else to either.

@MashedPotatoBrainz I also entered an abusive relationship. Met at 16, engaged at 18, married at 22. He was older and once married so very abusive. I stayed for 6 years before I gathered the strength to leave.
My parents knew he was violent and still supported him when I wanted to divorce, saying I had brought shame on them.
I think the reason I stayed for so long (and married my first boyfriend) was linked to the abuse from my parents.
Out of the frying pan and into the fire completely sums up my first marriage.

Yes, I was smacked, and no, I don't forgive.

I have partially read the thread and notice that a lot of posters who were also smacked never trust their parents with their own children. Neither do I.

Again, as I haven't RTentireFT, I wonder how much the PPs who have been smacked but have forgiven/described it as nothing are conditioned that violence and control is no big deal/acceptable. Very few in this group describe whether they smack their own children.

I was smacked and no I don't forgive them. Even though it's what a lot of parents did, it's not what all parents did. I had friends that were never smacked, but we were smacked for minor things. Never just one smack either it's was 5-10 big smacks.
I don't know anyone that smacks now, if we can parent now and get respect without it then my parents could have done too, because my friends parents did. They've been told that if the ever lift a finger to mine or my siblings kids they will be taken out of their lives forever.
My parents have gaslit themselves/each other into believing it was rare they smacked. Me and my siblings know and tell them it was all the time, too often and not for good enough reasons to warrant what we experienced. Bad parenting technique IMO.

Yes and yes.

My mum used to back me into a corner whilst repeatedly smacking me around the face and screaming at me that’s I’d ruined her life and I’d be glad when she was dead. This was a very common occurrence.
She’s pick me up by my hair and throw me, I was chased with knives and had bars of soap shoved in my mouth.

Do I forgive her? Kind of.
She’s always suffered with her mental health, she has a lot of anxiety and finds every day life quite hard. She isn’t violent now, but she’s still incredibly anxious.

Times were different and it was more acceptable to smack your kids, though I do feel she took this too far, it wasn’t just the slap on the bum my friends would receive from their parents. So there is a little resentment, but on the whole I’m over it and we have a fairly good relationship now.

I’ve never smacked my kids, now a teen and tween they are far better behaved than I ever was and our relationship is completely different to the relationship I had with my mother. Which is just what I was aiming for!

Yes I was smacked, but hardly ever and, in the context of the time, it was entirely acceptable and I have absolutely no hard feelings. My parents were (are - I am 62 with both parents alive) very loving and caring and of course I let them care for my DS - he has the most fabulous relationship with his grandparents now.

When people justify smacking with “it didn’t do me any harm” I always think well the harm done was that you think it’s ok to physically hurt a child.

I was smacked. It was what happened back then. Even in school. I remember being given a choice of punishment: a smack to each hand with a ruler or I could write a story on top of homework. I chose the smacks.

My parents and their parenting of me was a product of the times. I don't need to forgive. They were not abusive.

flower1994
I agree. Smacking is wrong and it never works. If it did no child would be smacked more than once! I don't remember being smacked by my parents but I do remember seeing people being smacked at school and it was always the same children being beaten, even at infants school. Although I wasn't smacked at school myself (I was too scared to do anything out of turn) it did affect me and still does because it turned me into a people pleaser.

I was and no I don't forgive them.

Before I had dc's of my own I would have said that there was nothing to forgive and smacking is just healthy discipline blady blah. But now that I have kids I just can't understand how anyone could purposefully inflict pain on their own small, vulnerable child. I look at my dc's and the thought of hitting them just feels awful, I'm there to protect them fgs. And I am by no means a softie, I am pretty strict and am prone to losing my temper but I always apologise if I shout because I don't want them to think it's OK.

I just can't get my head around how they could hit me and my dsis, especially when we were so small so that is why I don't forgive them for smacking us. The smacking was rare and they were pretty good parents otherwise, I have a good relationship with both of them but will never forgive that.