To ask were you smacked by your parents as a child, and do you forgive them now?

[blubberball]

I was smacked by my parents as a child. Sometimes they would completely lose their shit and smack me over and over, whilst shouting at me. Each syllable would be a smack. I remember wanting my dm to stop talking, so that she would stop hitting me. I remember being in the street and my dm taking a swing at my arse, and I managed to move to dodge it.

I guess it stopped at the "appropriate" age. 10 or something.

I have never smacked my dc, and would use time outs to discipline them. My parents moved with the times and followed my lead. I forgive them, and they are very loving and supportive now. It's strange to think that happened now.

My mum would smack me somewhere between daily and weekly, depending on her moods. If you flinched she'd do it again harder. This went into my late teens. It was done for things like not tidying my room/getting down from the table without asking permission/doing 'selfish' things like reading a book when she didn't want me to, or embarrassing her in some (unspecified) way. I remember hiding in the dirty laundry basket aged 6 (can remember the smell of it) because we'd been out, I'd done something to embarrass her in some way (apparently I was 'showing off' which was her catch-all reason) and knew I was in for smacking.

However, I didn't actually mind the smacking as it was so much better than when she'd withdraw all affection and ignore me, not look at me (I'd be crying and begging for her to forgive me for whatever I'd done), refuse to speak to me, leave the room if I came in... I remember following her around the house sobbing multiple times as a child, writing her cards to say sorry etc.

I was a straight A student, didn't smoke or drink, volunteered at church etc etc... so the smacking was about her and her emotions and inability to control them. She was generally emotionally abusive. It's hard to think and talk about. I can't 'forgive' her per se, but I know she was deeply troubled and almost certainly had undiagnosed PND and other various mental health conditions, some of which she still has.

I don't have children, and my upbringing is one reason why if I'm completely honest.

Yes, I was of the generation where it was normal. I harbour no ill feelings or ill will.

My childhood was the era of parents having free reign with discipline at home. As long as they didn’t kill you no one would bat an eyelid at what went on. The cane was accepted standard practice in schools.

Our parents did it because they thought it was what was required to enable us to become correct and considerate members in society. I absolutely believe that corporal punishment hurt them more than it hurt us.

We had smacking with hand but this was rare as it hurt the deliverers hand. More common was the belt/strap or wooden spoon. Generally if mum was giving it you got the spoon as it meant dad wasn’t home and for some reason a mum couldn’t use a dads belts. I can’t tell you how many broken wooden spoons we had. Once one of my siblings had the spoon and it broke in the enthusiastic delivery and the rest of us burst out laughing so we were all lined up and she switched to a metal spatula. It didn’t break.

My friend had an odd situation in that when she was going to get the strap her dad made her go and choose which one of the belts was going to be used. That seemed odd but like the rest of us, she harbours no ill will, it’s just what was done at the time as parents thought it was necessary to raise kids into decent respectful people.

The only time I ever discussed it with my parents as an adult was to complain that sometimes I was punished for something I didn’t actually do. My dad had the answer that yes, that would have occurred but it probably didn’t even make up for the times I HAD done something and wasn’t caught. Fair play!

It was a terrific ‘stop and think’ method. Before you were naughty you actually weighed up the benefit of carrying out the act with the risk of getting caught and punished. Sometimes you decided it was worth the risk. Sometimes you decided up front it would be worth the punishment.

Never hurt myself or siblings in the great scheme and we are grateful for it now as opposed to the spoilt kids of today that you have to have high level trade and peace talks with and tiptoe around for fear of emotional damage. It’s only served to turn a generation into entitled twats (our own kids included as they are not allowed to be disciplined now). One sibling probably copped it more than the rest of us put together and they have scars from their punishments from both home and school but it’s acknowledged all round (including by themselves) that they were a right little shit and deserved it.

Yes - probably a few times and there is nothing to forgive. Mum (single parent) did also hit me in my teen years - and there she knew she had gone too far but there is still nothing to forgive. She was / is a great mother. We laugh about it now in the same way we laugh about the time we lost our car on holiday. I was never afraid of her but always knew she was in charge and that’s a good place for a child to be.

I don’t hit my children but I can’t quite say why. Probably because it’s not the done thing now. There are probably better ways to discipline a child but I really can’t get too worked up about a smack.

What you describe OP is not the same. Others on the thread have also posted about smacking that sounds awful and abusive.

Nothing to forgive in my opinion

I really don't think I have anything to forgive them for. Mum did smack me on the leg when I was small. I remember a handful of occasions but it may have happened lots of times. I don't remember being beaten badly but she did hit my younger sister quite hard. Once when she drew on the bedroom furniture with a hair grip. Proper scratches that never polished out. Also for playing with matches in the bedroom. She was the naughty one of the family! The big threat was a smack from dad but I honestly don't remember him every smacking us. He shouted at us and stopped our spending money but he never hit us. I think he came close to landing one on my brother when he was a mouthy 13/14 year old but brother was quick on his feet and scarpered.

I remember both grandmas smacking occasionally but we were more afraid that grandad would 'Sergeant major us'. When we were naughty or got too noisy he would make us stand to attention while he told us off. Grandma would be laughing in the background. We all laughed if grandad's false teeth fell out.

This was in the 1960s. There were five of us quite close in age all in a small two up two down with coal fires, no bathroom and an outside toilet. The only labour saving device mum had was a twin tub. She had a bloody hard life and all five of us realized this growing up. Both parents have been dead for nearly 30 years. If I had the chance I would thank them for my upbringing smacks and all.

Yes. I was smacked a lot. My Granny informed the police and my Mum ended up with a criminal record. My Dad (her son!) smacked me too.

I don't resent them. I have long since "forgiven" them. I didn't need to. I understand they were a product of their time. Both parents were kinder to me in terms of physical discipline than their parent were to them.

We improve generation upon generation. I haven't hit my children but I read now that even shouting is bad.

I love them. I do my best. I actively learn about parenting to always try and improve. I talk to them. I explain. I apologise when I've made a mistake.

I don't blame my parents for hitting me. I'm glad that we've move on.

I don't need to forgive them,they are the best parents anyone could ask for imo.Looking back (I'm 40) i got a smack on the bum when I'd done something very naughty or dangerous it wasnt their go to form of punishment.If it was incessant then I would have viewed it differently.

I was and I don't forgive them. It was done in anger and they would lose control. I would never smack my children and if my parents did, they wouldn't see them again. It doesn't work anyway.

Nothing to forgive, I was smacked when I deserved it and grew up a polite and well behaved child.

There is a big difference between smacking as an effective form of discipline and some of the terrible stories on this thread.

I was smacked very rarely as a child but looking back on those rare occasions i thoroughly deserved it at the time. Im a bit on the fence with regards to smacking my own children and try other discipline methods (mainly because society is so against it and we are told it doesnt work)..i once had a conversationn with an elderly man whose view was that some children need a smack now and again but he couldnt stand parents that were bullies and never disciplined their children until they were in a bad mood themselves and used this form of discipline to have a vent and crossed the line line to abuse..tend to agree with his thinking

Yes I was, not very often. Everyone i know was, it was the norm and no I don’t care about it and there is nothing to forgive imo.

It doesn’t have to be “forgiveness” as such, I have come to terms with the fact I was smacked as a child. That doesn’t mean I think it was ok (there’s absolutely no need for it), but I have an understanding that my parents didn’t know any different way of parenting. They were doing what was considered a normal way of dealing with kids back then (70s).
I am vehemently anti smacking and would like to see England follow Scotland and Wales in outlawing it.

@HoppingPavlova If your sibling has scars then they were abused. I think it is awful that you have all told them they deserved it actually. No one deserves to be hit hard enough to leave scars.

I was smacked and I never really forgave them, especially my father.
It was humiliating and never helped me "see the error of my ways".

@flirtygirl please elaborate on what and why you dont understand the hand wringing. very disturbing that you seem to agree with physically harming children, no matter how you dress it up.

also to the people saying it was normal in the 70s, my grandparents never touched my mum or my auntie, not once. my mum is a fantastic compassionate mother to me and my siblings and is a primary school teacher. she clearly didnt become a delinquent through lack of smacking and neither did I.

strange people out there, I'm so grateful for the family i did have and sorry to those who were treated so appallingly. think its outrageous, we choose to bring children into this world and there are some who think it's not only okay but a good form of discipline to hit children. abhorrent

I was smacked.

I forgive them because it was socially acceptable back then. I think that there will be stuff that our kids will do differently to us parenting wise and hopefully they understand that we did the best we could based on the expert info available to us,

I was smacked as a small child - I don't remember when it stopped, but it was definitely before/during the junior school years.

Funnily enough, I don't hold any animosity towards my parents for that. What I do find very hard to forgive is the way they - and my mother in particular - ignored me being bullied at school, despite me telling her, in tears, about how unhappy I was. She did nothing about it, apart from telling me to ignore it, and 'sticks and stones would hurt my bones but calling names couldn't hurt me'. She never once asked if the bullying had stopped - and I never felt able to go back to her and tell her it hadn't because I was sure she'd blame me for not ignoring it well enough.

I got very withdrawn as I went through the senior school years - and I cannot believe they didn't notice - but I think Mum didn't want to ask if it was still going on, because she didn't want to have to tear herself away from her beloved garden to deal with it - and I suspect Dad was passive and just assumed Mum would deal with it. The children were clearly her responsibility.

I remember my mum hitting me on the bum with her slipper a few times, it hurt at the time but I always felt sorry for my misbehaviour rather being angry at my mum. She was never overly aggressive or lost the plot with me though- I think that is a different matter.

BarbedBloom that’s your opinion and you are entitled to it. That’s not how we see it and it’s not how my sibling see’s it. They will be the first to tell you what a naughty shit they were and that they deserved everything they got. You can argue with them if you want but they would think you are bonkers as would the rest of us. It was just the way things were and none of us feel it did us any harm in the greater scheme of life. You can argue with that all you like but what we believe and feel in regards to our own experiences is not wrong and you can’t control that.

I think that whether or not they smack their grandchildren is the "test" of them not knowing better in the past. While I'm fine with the fact that I was smacked in the 70s/80s, if they smacked my kids today I would be fucking apoplectic.

Yes I was smacked as a child and grew up with discipline and respect. Quite frankly looking at some of the kids now a clip round the ear would go a long way

I was smacked and nothing to forgive because I was a little sod. However only my DM disciplined us and it was one swift smack with her hand. When I was misbehaving all she needed to say was "do you want a smack?" and I'd stop being naughty or cheeky straight away.

Smacked very very very occasionally. I’m 37.
Nothing to forgive

I can only remember being smacked on one occasion, I’m not sure if there were any other times that I can’t recall.

It didn’t bother me at the time and it doesn’t bother me now. I don’t remember it actually hurting and I know my DF was more upset about smacking us both than we were about being on the receiving end.

I don’t think, in my case, there was anything to forgive.

I was twice in my whole childhood neither times with particular force.
Nothing to forgive. It was the norm back then. My parents were not abusive at all