To ask were you smacked by your parents as a child, and do you forgive them now?

[blubberball]

I was smacked by my parents as a child. Sometimes they would completely lose their shit and smack me over and over, whilst shouting at me. Each syllable would be a smack. I remember wanting my dm to stop talking, so that she would stop hitting me. I remember being in the street and my dm taking a swing at my arse, and I managed to move to dodge it.

I guess it stopped at the "appropriate" age. 10 or something.

I have never smacked my dc, and would use time outs to discipline them. My parents moved with the times and followed my lead. I forgive them, and they are very loving and supportive now. It's strange to think that happened now.

I vaguely remember my brothers being smacked (I think my parents used a slipper) but don't remember being smacked myself, although I expect it did happen. It must have been rarely done though (for my memories to be so vague), usually their method of disciplining was sending us to our rooms, or for more serious things, talking it through and expressing their disappointment which was very effective on me at least. No need to forgive them, they did what they thought was best at the time - it's not something they would do if they were parenting nowadays I'm sure.

Smacking is illegal where I live now and has been for decades and children don't seem to be naughtier for lack of smacking.

I was (born 1980). My Dad, who is by the way the loveliest guy ever, would occasionally smack my thighs/bum until they were red. It's weird to think of now, as there is no way we would ever smack our DC.

I don't think it traumatised me in any way as otherwise I had a great childhood and they were/are very loving, but it was absolutely wrong. I've never spoken to them about it, I wonder if they would agree. Yes I would say I forgive them.

I was smacked as a child. No I don't forgive them. It was wrong and they shouldn't have smacked me or my siblings.

They do not get my children by themselves Incase they decide to do the same to them.

Those of you who were smacked - were you hit into your teen years?

Yes, and actually it escalated because I started to fight back.

It went from them trying to slap me, to full on punching me. I was arrested twice before the age of 16 for assault, once kept all night in a cell, because they'd call the police because I'd had the temerity to hit them back after they hit me. I was tiny and slight, and not at all a teenage menace. All I wanted was to be left alone with my books.

I do suspect that most parents stop once a child is able to hit them back. My parents were obviously too arrogant to realise that.

Yes I was smacked and given the belt and no I don't forgive them for it. It was a major factor in me jumping out of the frying pan into the fire of an abusive marriage. I no longer have any contact with my parents.

I was smacked when I was being a real pain in the arse but it was one quick smack not what you describe. What you describe OP was way way WAY over the top, unnecessary and nasty.

I've only once ever been hit by my mum, and in her defence I drove her to it.
I was 14 and turned into a total rebel. I would skive off school, started smoking, I was obnoxious to everyone, particularly my teachers.
My mum tried absolutely everything to set me straight again until one day when I shouted ' oh piss off ' at her.
She lost it and literally kicked me round the room.
To be fair, it worked.
My dad never hit me or my sister's due to his opinion that a man should never raise his hands to a female.
That is the one and only time my mum ever raised her hands.
Strangely, I'm actually thankful that she did, or my life could have taken a very different path.
I've never raised my hands to my kids, although to be honest, there are times when I've felt like swinging for the buggers when they were kids.
There is a fine line between discipline and abuse.
Some of the posters here have heartbreaking stories. I hope that you've found the strength to move forward. 💐

I was smacked. Sometimes pretty viciously if my memory of the events are correct. I don’t feel I need to forgive my parents (actually it nearly always my dad, not my mum). I don’t feel much about it all, other than I know I could never smack my child. He’s 9 and I’ve managed to discipline him perfectly well without smacking. Sometimes a memory will come back and I will try to understand how they could see it as an effective way to discipline me, maybe it was a generational thing but still?

I don't think it is ever ok and is always a loss of control.

I was smacked as a child by my DM - never by DF though. She used to smack me on the back of the legs when I'd been really naughty. Ouch!
Didn't do me any harm whatsoever - so nothing to forgive. That's how it was at that time (very early 1980's.)

We don't smack our children now, although when dd was about 3 I tapped her on the hand (long story) and I still feel guilty about that now, even though she's 19 now!

Smacking / discipline / chastisement was seen differently back then. Nowadays it's rightly seen as unacceptable.

My.mother and father hit my brother far more. His left handprint bruises. Wait til your father comes home was standard. The emotional abuse in my family was worse for me. Daughter of a narcissist. I never knew of the concept of unconditional love until I was an adult. I understand why you forgive your parents when I do not even though what happened to you physically was worse. I think if you feel loved you can forgive a lot.

Yes I was and nothing to forgive!

I don’t remember ever being disciplined, I was an only child for a long time (till past 11). I have a hard time forgiving my parents for being negligent in not teaching me that the sun doesn’t shine out my ass.

I was smacked as a child and just remember feeling angry and humiliated by it at the time.
I don’t agree with smacking but I admit that I have smacked my own twice , when I was ill and worn out. I regret it very much and see it as a failing on my part, because it wasn’t part of my preferred parenting methods, it happened because I was under par.

Yes, by my mother, never by father. The people I knew at school, with a few exceptions, it was their mother.
I was born early 70s and it was fairly normal, not hidden at all.

I was smacked. A lot. Always in temper and never just once. Yet it's not the physical beatings I dwell on, rather it's how I was repeatedly told what a naughty, 'bad', 'evil' child I was. I believed them; I thought I must be awful. Since having children of my own I've realised I wasn't evil, I was simply capable of minor acts of naughtiness like most kids are. I honestly believe that the way they demonised me made me ripe for the picking for the teacher who showered me with kindness and groomed me. The impact on my self-esteem has lasted into my 40s. This thread is very sad.

Yes we were smacked, no I don’t think I can forgive it. Although it was kind of accepted then, Dad didn’t smack us and hated it when Mum did. She didn’t need to, we were good kids. I also vividly remember a beating with a large wooden spoon - I took something (very small value item which no one was using) without realising it was theft. Instead of coming with me to apologise and return it, I got a good 20 smacks on the bum, proper ones too. As soon to be parent, I don’t get how she thought it was an ok way of handling the situation - I was only 7 for God’s sake. When it wasn’t smacking, it was silent treatment, sometimes for days. Although we are close, I do judge her parenting techniques, I was an introverted shy child and her parenting pushed me further into trust issues and introversion.

I wouldn't call what my mum did as smacking, more like just swiping at me to get me to wise up. I usually dodged it, but did get the point and behaved. Nothing to forgive.

I don't believe in physical punishment, but there is a grey area for me.

One - my sister and I used to fight a lot. Nothing serious, and we gave as good as we got. Young humans are not massively different from young animals, so it seems counter-intuitive to me to expect them to understand that hitting is wrong especially early. It also, in the vast majority of cases, doesn't result in violent adults.

My attitude to physical altercations is vastly different to my husband's though - he sees tickling me or poking me as legitimate teasing, but gets very upset if I get frustrated that he won't stop and smack him on the wrist to bat him away when he reaches for me.

The difference, as far as I see it, is that he had a much younger brother, who he would tickle and tease, but of course never hit as he understood the power imbalance being 12 years older.

I had a slightly older sister who I quickly caught up with in size. Neither of us would stand for tickling or poking without physically defending ourselves. A slap or a scratch was par for the course if you were stupid enough to push it too far.

He sees my batting him away as 'violent', but I could never STAND that sort of pokey, tickly horseplay from adults, whereas I didn't mind clouting my sister and being clouted back.

Two - I may change my mind on this when I have kids, but I think when the lesson is a physical one, a physical warning might be the most appropriate. E.g. - a child messing around reaching for a hot plate when they've been warned not to. A) a smack on the wrist might be the only way to stop them in time, in the same way you wouldn't worry about lightly bruising a child to get them out of the way of a moving car and B) it's a taster of the physical pain they would have otherwise suffered much worse if you hadn't intervened.

I'm not sure it's easy to replicate the lesson of 'hot = pain' without a bit of firsthand experience.

I was smacked and sometimes my mum lost her temper but still nothing to forgive as I don't think there is anything wrong with physical discipline.

I know my mum is human and made mistakes.
Just like I do now I'm a mother.

Generationally I'm less into discipline including smacking but the type of discipline I received is cultural and generational. My mum had a stricter time than I. I had a stricter time than my children.

I don't get the hand wringing over smacking and never will.

Yes they did. And no I don't forgive them.

Hitting a small child in anger? Not something I can forgive. I'm not from the ilk that say 'didn't do me no harm'.

Plus, in order to forgive, someone has to be sorry. And they're not sorry.

Can I give them a smack now? Oh no, because that would be assault.

@Enchiladas and what the fuck is spanking “the right way”? What is wrong with you?

Teenage years were worse as we got bigger, smacking wasn't an option, so their shitty parenting was just shouting and screaming at us. Which didn't work either.

We all left home at 16.

Occasionally, when we'd been VERY naughty, we'd get a single smack on the bum. Never in anger, and our dad would always say "this hurts me more than it hurts you". Nothing to forgive.

My mother was a master at combining smacking with emotional abuse. She also smacked for minor 'normal' childhood mistakes, for example mislaying items through untidiness or carelessness.

One vivid memory for me is I lost my guide handbook somewhere in the house. Was trying hard to find out but it's almost impossible to think and concentrate when being constantly shouted at, so I couldn't find it. I was then given the 'choice' of being able to go to guides with my friends but being smacked (with a shoe) first, or not going and in my mothers words "if I didn't go my friends would know what a horrible and useless girl I was". I took the smack. I think in my mothers head this absolved her completely of responsibility as I had "chosen" for her to hit me. I grew up believing my friends thought these things of me and didn't really have any real friends from about 16 to my late 20s it was a very lonely time and I still find it hard to trust people.

I am now very low contact with my mother (once a year) and do NOT forgive her.