How much should your partner earn....

[nonwonderwoman]

I have always been ambitious but my DH has outstripped my earnings by at least double check in the last 5 years.
This hasn't generally bothered me as I have earned well in the legal profession and developed an excellent reputation at work. However my DH has recently been awarded a salary of £215k + .
The feminist in me wants to keep going to work and building my reputation and professional life but the realist in me wonders whether to give up my job and start enjoying a simple life. ABUR?

@paragraphs I think you made some very interesting points.

Against the advice from most of the posters, I gave up my job when DH got a new job earning roughly the same as OP's DH, because we needed to move abroad for the new job. He doesn't resent me not working, he's jolly grateful that I was willing to do so!

Sorry, if you have mentioned it but I dont see anything on DH views on the matter.
To take out £70k form the coffers is a sizable chunk and should be discussed.
If he has left it to you decide, you really need to work out what each future will mean for you. It seems to me that you enjoy your work and have done well to reach the position you have. Just cause you dont need the money now, doesn't mean you wont in the future and you could increase your savings /rainy day money pot alot if you stayed.
Saying that you have a chance to spend time with your kids, as things back you will look at these opportunities and be thankful you took them.
I would suggest the part time basis but that may mean that further progress and promotion is hindered..
There is probably no right or wrong answer, you just have to do whats best for yourself and your family.

@PattiPrice it's ridiculous but what can you do & even private schooling is way more expensive than days. A 215k salary will be almost half that after tax.

I do agree with this though

Life is short. Take your time. Enjoy it. Make memories. Mind your physical and mental health and that of your children.

Do what makes you happy op, not what you think you should do. I love my job and also love my dc. I've got to the stage now that I actually don't want to progress in my career anymore, I earn a good wage, I have the flexibility to see my dc and be there for them, I enjoy the work and have little stress. Plus if anything did go tits up with my marriage I have a means to provide well for myself and my dc.

My DH earns around the same amount as yours. I’m on around 50-60k but with a very generous pension and the pension is a large part of what makes it worth it for me, I also enjoy my job.

Part of the reason for not giving up working is that we are both still young (30 and 32) so it would seem a bit silly for me to give up work now as I would basically have no career at all, I don’t expect to be able to return to the kind of job I do now if I take a long career break. If I was in my 40s /50s then I would probably stop working, I would also leave my job for a move abroad if we needed to do it.

My husband is close to 100k and I’m on half of that.
Yes we could live on just his salary.

I don’t think that buying a holiday or a pair of shoes with ‘his’ money would ever feel as satisfying as paying for it with My own earnings.

Just for that reason I wouldn’t chose to stop working.

My DH and I both run our Own businesses and bring in six figures.

I would never give up work because:

I love what I do
I'm good at it
I paid a lot for my education and I don't want to waste it
I don't want the pressure to be on my husband only to bring home the bacon
I value my financial independence and I don't want to rely on a man

I did recently have three months off between projects and it was absolutely heavenly!

But I got bored after the first few weeks. All the chores were done by 10 am and the day stretched (DD is at school)

Yes OP, I think rather than asking, “How much should your DH earn.., “ in order to allow you to leave work, the question you need to ask is, “How much do we need in assets...?”

Obviously any FH salary is precarious and if he leaves, he takes it with him.

Having a £200k salary is meaningless anyway because it’s all relative to outgoings. It depends where you live and you haven’t told us this, so sorry if I’m presuming, but if you’re in London, this amount wouldn’t go far necessarily if you have a large mortgage and school fees.

So you have to look at it like this - “If it all ended tomorrow (heaven forbid), would the assets we have accrued as a family in both our names mean that the DC and I would not need to struggle?” For instance, if you’re house is worth £5 million and all paid off, chances are you’ll be ok. But if you live there hoisted by a massive mortgage and / or have other debts, it could obviously be a total nightmare and his salary will solve that.

So protect your children. Look at the whole picture, not just his salary in the here and now. What assets do you have as a couple? What investments / property etc? How liquid are these assets potentially? If you think you have enough wealth as a family, then it’s probably ok to consider SAH. But also, weigh up how easy your industry would be to get back into if need be. Would you even want to? Or would you want to change direction anyway? All things to weigh up imo.

DH not FH

His salary won’t solve that (sorry on my phone and can’t see properly)

I would stay where you are and put as much as possible into pension money. On his salary his allowable pensions contributions are now utterly slashed so if you don’t “need” your income then that’s what I’d do.

I’ve been a SAHM and had a career. Stayed at home with my DCs after they were born and then retrained and returned to FT employment when my DCs went to secondary school.

My new career meant I had options - which for me meant leaving an abusive husband. I’ve remarried but have kept building my career and although he earns more than me, I don’t care as I know I can look after myself and my family regardless of what life throws at us. My mum’s motto was live for today with an eye on the future. It’s served me well.

OP - in your shoes I’d heed your DGMs advice, remain responsible for your own financial future that doesn’t rely on your DH and seek a balance in your life rather than taking an all or nothing approach. Life is not black and white.

I chose to become a SAHM but I didn't choose the circumstances that led to that choice.

My youngest was reception and my eldest in yr 6. I utterly loved being able to see my kids more - no more collecting them from the childminder on dark, cold evenings, trying to cook dinner in a cold house with the dirty breakfast dishes still in the sink. No more trying to fit in school reading/homework into the last hour before bed. No more tired, hungry, fed up kids. No more corporate Mum drained by corporate wankers.

I now work a few school hours and get paid a pittance. However, the job I do actually has meaning and I like helping people.

It makes me feel sad that I didn't quit earlier. And I am retraining over the next 3 years to go into a profession which is by nature, part time and flexible. And actually useful, rather than soulless bullshit. So no loss on the feminism/being able to rely on myself and use my brain.

As Stephen Hawking said:
Never give up work. Work gives you meaning and purpose and life is empty without it.

Go part time. It’s still nice to have some money of your own.

Well I’m sure his work gave him purpose, what with solving the mysteries of the universe and all that.
A shift in Tesco or a 9-5 in insurance? Not so much.

How much should be earn before what?

I think there’s no “should” about how much he earns or whether you continue working. It’s what makes both of you happy.
In terms of the equality issue then yes, ideally you should be earning the same. But in reality not all jobs pay the same, regardless of the gender of who does them. My DH brings home at least 5 times what I do. Just depends on the type of work I still work as my independent streak doesn’t approve of me buying his birthday present with his money and I’d be bored rigid otherwise

Took the words out of my mouth @Glittercats.

I don't really think there is a should. You both earn more than enough to do whatever you want so I think it's irrelevant if he earns more than you. As a household we don't even get 20k a year, and most of what we do have my partner earns while I stay at home with the kids.

Perhaps a career change? Being a lawyer probably takes up a lot of your time and if you want more time with kids a career change could be a good option.

My DP is a high earner and I’m a SAHM and it ain’t as great as you think (I have a live in au pair to help w the kids, a cleaner twice a week etc). But I think work enhances life in a different way. Ideally, work would not be 5 days a week for so many hours though 😀

Your Grandmother is right. You should never financially rely on anybody but yourself. Keep working....

Cut your hours to suit your children for now and increase again in future when they’re older.

I earn less than my husband and recently dropped to the equivalent of 4 days a week. Does your company allow similar?

I love the extra time with my DC, I still have a career and enough money to do everything I want but I know i can always up it again if needed.
My female friend earns over £150k at one of the big 4 and refuses to let her husband give up work to look after the children
Every family is different but I did what works best for us currently and who doesn’t love a 3 day weekend!

215k is a great salary. My DH earns above this and I have kept on working myself (I changed careers, also in the law, doing knowledge management rather than fee earning). As you say, things can change and my DH says good times don't always last. I also like working. Think carefully.