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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be terrified by the Australian rugby coach setting his family on fire?

482 replies

SeasonallySnowyPeasant · 19/02/2020 11:55

In brief: earlier today an Australian ex-rugby player was in the car with his wife and their three children, poured petrol over her and set her alight. She, he and the children all died. The parents were ending their marriage and disputing custody over the children.

It’s absolutely horrific and I just wonder why there seem to be no depths to which some men - and it almost always is men - will sink when it comes to asserting their dominance over women and children. Throwing acid over them seems to be the newest ‘thing’ over the past 3 years. Assault, rape, stalking, harassment, murder are so common as to be un-newsworthy.

It scares me. My exH was abusive and I have a non-molestation order to prevent him from continuing the abuse. At the back of my mind I worry about him taking something I do/say as pushing him too far and being seriously hurt or killed. What if he decides one day to kill our DC?

Why won’t men sort their lives out and put an end to this horrific violence?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
8
siring1 · 20/02/2020 18:23

There is an outrage.

You're seeing this through your own agenda. You're incapable of anything else. Rational argument is powerless agsinst you.

Goodbye

YetAnotherSurvivor · 20/02/2020 18:30

I think some people are so quick to point an angry finger at women who say AMALT that they forget that in some women’s experiences, all men are like that.

I was sexually abused by my violent father
My step father beat the shit out of all of us
My mother was conceived when her violent father raped her mother
Three out of my first four relationships involved sexual assault and / or rape

Do people really think that women just decide to hate all men for no good reason?

Do I think it’s all men? No. I can understand why some women feel it is though.

As for people who only know nice men, that’s utter bullshit. It’s funny how nobody knows any men who abuse women, but lots of women who’ve been abused. Bloody mystery, isn’t it?

LexMitior · 20/02/2020 18:39

There is nothing irrational in criticising the media for how they handle matters like these. I make a fair point how many stupid people don’t think about this with a wider context.

The law is perfectly rational and crime is weighted and considered properly there. Good.

But when it comes to journalism then it is partial and irrational. There is nothing wrong with pointing that out and the stupidity of people who are determined not to think a little more widely as to what circumstances might suggest. The effect is malign in my view, and the damage is done by bad journalism which is often all that people see.

A similar case was made by the case in Ireland where the perpetrator was described as a good father. He killed his children. The media could not wait to get that narrative going in that case and this one.

There is always a well meaning dimwit in these cases who attests to how good the man was. Perhaps it might be better if that wasn’t the immediate assumption and the media held back from the goodness and the tragedy.

StealthPolarBear · 20/02/2020 18:47

What a strange overreaction. You asked questions. I answered.

GCAcademic · 20/02/2020 19:03

Goodness me. Some people are incredibly invested in trying to suppress any critical analysis of the structural causes and the representation of this specific kind of violence.

siring1 · 20/02/2020 20:36

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

GCAcademic · 20/02/2020 20:45

Oh dear, it seems I have a stalker 😂😂😂

siring1 · 20/02/2020 20:48

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

siring1 · 20/02/2020 20:49

So, how come your back in the cesspit?

siring1 · 20/02/2020 20:49

Oops

You're

GADDay · 20/02/2020 21:01

You are all so outraged.

Shouting NAMALT
Responding AMALT

It's almost as if this woman's tragedy and the awful stories of abuse posted on this thread have been forgotten in the pursuit of making and enforcing an opinion/point.

There is a lack of humanity on this thread. It's a pervasive attitude which has seeped into our collective psyche.

My point is better. I am right. My politics is better. You have no right. Me, I. Win. Beat you. If I shout and use caps lock - you will listen and change your mind. Me, I, win.

A woman and three beautiful children died on that day in Camp Hill. Her parents and brother have literally been broken by this. Too many of you are so wrapped up in making your point, I think you have forgotten that.

siring1 · 20/02/2020 21:04

How does me correcting my own spelling mistake go against guidelines?

You're

Thisisworsethananticpated · 20/02/2020 21:56

A woman and three beautiful children died on that day in Camp Hill. Her parents and brother have literally been broken by this. Too many of you are so wrapped up in making your point, I think you have forgotten that

Thanks

StealthPolarBear · 20/02/2020 22:14

We all know that but thank you for the ticking off.

nicenewdusters · 21/02/2020 08:46

And so it continues.

Just read on the BBC news that an Australian detective has been taken off the case for making remarks that were victim shaming. So three children burn to death in a car, but his mind turns to the fact that their murderer must have really been struggling. He then voices this. Just demonstrates how deep these unconscious processes run in some people.

CallofDoodee · 21/02/2020 09:33

A woman and three beautiful children died on that day in Camp Hill. Her parents and brother have literally been broken by this. Too many of you are so wrapped up in making your point, I think you have forgotten that.

No, people haven't forgotten that. It's why people feel so strongly about the issue of male violence, because they want to try and stop this shit from happening over and over again.

How bloody patronising.

nicenewdusters · 21/02/2020 10:56

CallofDoodee I agree, how ironic that apologists for male violence against women are reminding people on this thread to remember the victims. This thread was exactly about that until the NAMALT brigade pulled up a chair to protect men's feelings.

Men's feelings are the issue here, but not in the way the NAMALT posters mean. It's that 99.9% of women manage to leave a relationship without their accompanying feelings resulting in the murder of their partner and children.

I'm so bored by the NAMALT argument, it's so shallow and naive. Why do we have safeguarding rules? Because all men are like Jimmy Saville and all women like Myra Hindley? No, but because some are, and because they don't wear a badge we have to apply the rules across the board. Do all men kill their ex's and their children? No, but a number of them do. So when they do it's right to have an adult conversation about it, and ask difficult questions about human nature and society. NAMALT is just a smokescreen for those who don't want to see the reality of human nature. Good luck with that dilusion.

nicenewdusters · 21/02/2020 10:57

delusion

FrogsFrogs · 21/02/2020 11:16

'A woman and three beautiful children died on that day in Camp Hill'

Were murdered.

This is the whole point.

FrogsFrogs · 21/02/2020 11:17

The use of the passive is exactly what the press do.

They were violently murdered in a horrendous planned attack.

Better not to forget that fact surely.

ShatnersWig · 21/02/2020 11:33

Headline should read: "Abusive husband horrifically murders wife and children" with a secondary line of "Wife had suffered years of mental and physical abuse at his hands".

His suicide can come way down the list.

End of. I can see why "breaking news" reports and headlines err on the side of caution but now, hell no.

powershowerforanhour · 21/02/2020 12:52

've seen a few references to family anhialation being a white male crime in particular. The racial component is curious to me, I wonder why the apparent disparity? I've got inklings but anyone have any evidence-based explanations?

I suspect it's because they have been trained to believe that they are the kings of the world and god or nature has given them dominion over everyone and everything else, so when they fail to achieve, or stand to lose, power and influence they just lose their shit and take it out on those they perceive should be bowing to their mastery. No scientific evidence for that though.

LexMitior · 21/02/2020 14:49

Right. So all the hand wringing is just emotive, left for women to do, not men.

It’s just a way of saying very passively, I am emotional. Not rational. I don’t want to think about the wider issue. Don’t bother me about it - it is a tragedy.

If all women had stopped thinking at this point we would be nowhere. I am not going to stop there - the truth is that women and children are worth less to society if they are related to their killer.

I praise anyone who challenges this poisonous, passive narrative. For the handwringers, go away. Your sympathy does not offset a systematic issue for women and children. That includes the media.

NearlyGranny · 22/02/2020 10:24

ABC news now reporting that Baxter had refused an offer, arrived at through mediation, of 165 days' custody of his children per year; arranged four days one week, three the next. Turned it down g against his solicitor's advice - because it didn't quite meet his demand of exactly 50:50.

This was not a man whose ex was trying to turn his children against him or alienate them. His actions did not stem from desperation at being refused contact. It looks like sheer vengeance against her for daring to leave him.