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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be terrified by the Australian rugby coach setting his family on fire?

482 replies

SeasonallySnowyPeasant · 19/02/2020 11:55

In brief: earlier today an Australian ex-rugby player was in the car with his wife and their three children, poured petrol over her and set her alight. She, he and the children all died. The parents were ending their marriage and disputing custody over the children.

It’s absolutely horrific and I just wonder why there seem to be no depths to which some men - and it almost always is men - will sink when it comes to asserting their dominance over women and children. Throwing acid over them seems to be the newest ‘thing’ over the past 3 years. Assault, rape, stalking, harassment, murder are so common as to be un-newsworthy.

It scares me. My exH was abusive and I have a non-molestation order to prevent him from continuing the abuse. At the back of my mind I worry about him taking something I do/say as pushing him too far and being seriously hurt or killed. What if he decides one day to kill our DC?

Why won’t men sort their lives out and put an end to this horrific violence?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
8
Haworthia · 20/02/2020 16:59

“Tragic time”, “shattering scene”, “horrific incident”.

No one wants to call it triple murder.

AskingQuestionsAllTheTime · 20/02/2020 17:15

"Madman kills family of four" would be a better headline as far as I am concerned.

I am allowing myself madman, although it does a disservice to all people with a mental health problem, because I am trying to think in headlinese.

"Violent abuser kills family of four" would be better...

siring1 · 20/02/2020 17:16

Were these before the facts were known?

AskingQuestionsAllTheTime · 20/02/2020 17:17

Fuck a stoat sideways: "Three children and man die in 'horrific incident' at Camp Hill."

The woman who was doused in petrol, set alight and killed has been airbrushed out altogether.

You couldn't invent it.

Feymia · 20/02/2020 17:22

The most recent research from the US shows that 91% are male. Most are white male. In 70% there had been previous DV but this appeared in only 25% of the records.
Not that I've managed to find a wealth of statistics but I've seen a few references to family anhialation being a white male crime in particular. The racial component is curious to me, I wonder why the apparent disparity? I've got inklings but anyone have any evidence-based explanations?

siring1 · 20/02/2020 17:23

At the time this was put up the facts weren't known.

Now they are the same BBC story says they were murdered in the headline. It was thought to.be a car fire and was reported as such. It is now know to.be a murder and is reported as such.

LexMitior · 20/02/2020 17:24

It’s common. These stories operate in a kind of moral vacuum. The use of language tells you how little journalists think of children and women.

The whole matter is downplayed. While you shouldn’t jump to a judgment as to what happened on an initial report, such neutered language allows people to start ignoring a strong possibility that this is domestic violence: they spend their time worrying about the mental health of a perpetrator. It is that which reveals character.

To say this is a ridiculous response seems to upset people. Stupid people, mostly.

siring1 · 20/02/2020 17:26

One issue with modern news is that news spreads alarmingly quickly. Quite often reports are on websites before the police have fully established the facts. Surely you can see that?

StealthPolarBear · 20/02/2020 17:28

I've just got that headline, just before I posted.

StealthPolarBear · 20/02/2020 17:29

That picture I showed is still as it looks. Can you see that?

siring1 · 20/02/2020 17:37

You mean this one?

To be terrified by the Australian rugby coach setting his family on fire?
AskingQuestionsAllTheTime · 20/02/2020 17:43

So of the five people who were involved, four are mentioned and the fifth one is not: why? All five were there at the time, after all.

StealthPolarBear · 20/02/2020 17:43

No this is the one from my screenshot
It's also the first result when I searched the BBC for rugby

StealthPolarBear · 20/02/2020 17:44

Search from right now

To be terrified by the Australian rugby coach setting his family on fire?
siring1 · 20/02/2020 17:46

OK so you found an older version of the story. One that was written before the facts were know.

There is now an updated version of the story. One that was written after the facts wer known.

What have the BBC done wrong?

siring1 · 20/02/2020 17:47

What does the 1d mean to you?

StealthPolarBear · 20/02/2020 17:51

The ones you've shown aren't on the top stories page and when you search for rugby you get mine as first result.

AskingQuestionsAllTheTime · 20/02/2020 17:53

siring1, if you want an individual to know you are addressing them, saying whom you are addressing would help. If not, what is "the 1d" please? Should it mean something to me as well as to someone else?

The headline "Rowan Baxter: Ex-rugby player, wife and children die after 'horrific' car fire"

and the sentence "She had reportedly jumped from the car yelling: "He's poured petrol on me"."

make it clear that they knew bloody well what had happened when they wrote the headline, not so? Or at the very least that there was more to it than they were implying in their headline and opening.

siring1 · 20/02/2020 17:54

These

To be terrified by the Australian rugby coach setting his family on fire?
To be terrified by the Australian rugby coach setting his family on fire?
To be terrified by the Australian rugby coach setting his family on fire?
siring1 · 20/02/2020 17:55

Show me 1 date today

Sofonisba · 20/02/2020 17:56

My google news search for "rugby player fire" comes up with this, seems fine to me!

To be terrified by the Australian rugby coach setting his family on fire?
StealthPolarBear · 20/02/2020 17:58

It doesn't come up when I search for it! What do you want me to do

AskingQuestionsAllTheTime · 20/02/2020 18:02

Why "rugby player"?

Why not something about his victim's achievements (other than "mother")? She was a trampoline champion with international medals, but that's not as important as being a failed rugby player....

Thisisworsethananticpated · 20/02/2020 18:11

All today’s stories are crystal clear on the atrocity
But I know what you mean about the initial headlines

LexMitior · 20/02/2020 18:13

All these reports place the man is the most important figure. Whether he is the perpetrator of a crime or a victim. There is the point.

You have really good evidence of how the media regard women and children as secondary considerations. Even when they die.

There is a lot of tacit acceptance of male violence as normal in the later stories as a factor of a family “tragedy”.

Had this man stabbed three children he was unrelated to and a woman he did not know there would be outrage. But because there was a relationship which failed, all the reports are through that prism of the family.

Useless, inadequate and ensures nothing is done. A “tragedy” is something we do not have to think about at all.