Is husband being unreasonable about baby's needles

[bigmamama]

Hi so me and my husband are currently at logger heads about taking our 6mo for his needles which is tomorrow.
So basically he has missed his needles as he was poorly when they were due at 3 months old, he was in hospital with bronchiolitis and it just kept getting put on the back burner as he had virus after virus and spent a bit of time in and out of hospital over the Xmas period and was sent for some tests to check all was ok. And it was. so now his needles are due tomorrow and my husband has said he doesn't want the baby to have them as he thinks it will set him back, make him poorly, he's too small, he thinks the government are just trying to scare monger people into having them done etc.
I want the baby to have his needles especially since our 3yo has had them done! I really don't want to take the baby to get them behind his back but he's not budging on this!

Depends where you live Sunshine

Doesn't sound daft here in the North-east.

FFS, your husband is an idiot. I wouldn’t have it be a secret that my child was vaccinated. Do it, and then tell him you’ve done it.

If he seriously has a problem with it, take your children and leave him. Anyone that would willingly risk their children’s lives because of sheer stupidity isn’t someone I’d want around my children.

I wouldn't just 'get them done behind DH's back', that's not how adults have healthy relationships. Imagine if this was a post from the DH and he suggested getting them done behind DW's back.... he'd get ripped a new one

1. Getting them done behind a moron's an objecting spouse's back is how people have healthy children, though.

1. He really wouldn't. Because vaccination saves lives. And just as Fed is Fed, Alive is better than Dead.

Let’s focus on what’s important here

a) the OP’s use of a local vernacular; or
b) the risk of an unvaccinated / partially vaccinated child being severely ill with a preventable disease.

FFS!

And I don't think the husband is necessarily an idiot - I think he's over-anxious because his baby has been ill. That's understandable if he isn't aware of how dangerous "childhood" illnesses can be.

A talk with the nurse or doctor should reassure him.

Ask if he could live with himself if your baby got a disease which was completely preventable.

And for the love of god, can people stop being such pompous arseholes about the use of the word “needles” we know what the OP meant

As someone else said up thread, so much for being kind etc.

He's seen what it's like to have a sick baby and he doesn't want to prevent that happening again? That's a strange attitude

Tell him he should come with you and talk to the doctor /nurse and if hes really worried he can get an explanation of why it matters. Maybe call surgery and tell them that- they might give you someone to talk to. In long run its saving them a sick baby.

Being late with them is fine.

I've never heard the term needles used before but I like it.

One of mine was in hospital for several months after birth. The hospital gave them their vaccinations on schedule except for the initial one at birth as they were considered low risk for it and not necessary given everything else that was going in at the time (they had major surgery very soon after birth, and many other issues and were touch and go for some time).

Essentially your husband is being a dick. Hopefully this is just due to ignorance in which case a quick chat with a medical professional should put it to rights. If not just get them done and turf him.

There's nothing wrong with trying to reassure and educate your husband, but if he persists in his opposition to vaccination you must choose your baby's wellbeing and go ahead without his agreement.

I would not share my life with an antivaxxer long term. I had whooping cough as a child - I was one of those for whom the vaccine didn't fully work. What I had was a mild case. It was horrific. I also had mumps because there was no vaccine at the time. That too was awful. As someone who has living memory and personal experience of these diseases I cannot emphasise enough how important it is to spare your children this. My DDs are fully vaccinated.

A lot of people are picking up on the “needles” bit. It may be from Liverpool, but it’s also a fairly common term in Roma/Gypsy/Traveller communities according to this study on immunization in those communities: bmcpublichealth.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/s12889-017-4178-y (long but interesting and includes the exact troubles OP is facing with her husband, even including the word “scare-mongering”) It was one of the first Google results when I was looking up who still called them “needles.”

So perhaps we should be a bit careful before we judge the language people use, in case OP is from a community where it’s already difficult to get health services, and simply try to help them with their question.

@user1494182820

actually.... immunisations....

Maybe moving the emphasis away from “needles” and towards “protection” would be worth it in this case if it helps your husband get a grip on himself.

I know it’s regional slang but maybe he has a needle phobia himself or is traumatised by seeing the baby on the receiving end of so much medical intervention?

Get them done. Buy him a tin foil hat.

No dont go behind his back thats an awful thing to do

No, an awful thing to do is putting your child at risk of death or disease because you are party to a conspiracy theory.

Needles, jabs, vaccinations, immunisations - all correct, and necessary.

I’m old enough that my brother is nearly 60, and my mum has a 1960something copy of Dr Spock’s baby care book. Many of the diseases we can vaccinate against now are listed in the book as standard childhood illnesses, that you could expect to get, and might not survive unscathed. DBro certainly had mumps (before the vaccination was available) - it really is unpleasant in boys; we had a family friend who died from complications of measles and I have had whooping cough. A girl in my sister’s class had diptheria and was off school for weeks, and children with their legs in callipers from polio were still seen occassionally.

All these diseases are now preventable because of the mass vaccination programme, but the levels of vaccinated children must be kept up. There were news reports last year that measles is no longer erradicated in the UK because reduced numbers of vaccinations have created a chink in the armour of herd immunity.

I had the same as Pointythings - I almost died of whooping cough as a two year old, they think I only survived as I had the vaccine. The fact my first memory is of not being able to breathe and then coughing until I was violently sick is enough to ensure my kid has all vaccinations.

I also love ‘needles’ never heard of it before! No different from jabs, is it?

Do you have a vaccinations booklet? I think I was given one in the early days, it's an NHS one and lists the likelihood of each potential side effect alongside the likelihood of complications of each of the diseases they vaccinate against. Very reassuring, I found. See if you can dig it out and get him to read it.

Also, FWIW I have no issue with the term needles, not jabs. Jags however...

*nor jabs. Bloody typos. Why do I bother?

Another anecdote to my previous post. Child in my street who was deaf because her mum had been exposed to Rubella whilst pregnant.

God this place is a viper pit......for forbid someone used regional phrases.

Op please vaccinate your child. Your husband is being very unreasonable.

I know two people who have measles related complications one lost hearing in one ear and the other had low vision in one eye.

I think it's lovely he's concerned, even if it's a bit misguided. I know a lot of mums who delay jabs till babies are bigger and stronger so it's not that unreasonable. I also know GPs who have made mistakes, so it's not unreasonable of OPs DH to feel anxious or to question. It would be unreasonable to dismiss outright against the mother of his child's wishes, so that's where there needs to be a good, open discussion and final agreement.