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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to wonder if this could be more? Think I’m in love with my best friend

731 replies

captainamericassexybeard · 18/02/2020 05:38

Have name changed for this because my other friend is on here and knows my username and I think I might combust with embarrassment if she came across this and clocked it was me (the wedding details might be outing).

I briefly “dated” a guy as a young teen and then we became really good friends and stayed that way, pretty much best friends ever since - purely platonic.
He’s a very attractive guy but I’ve genuinely never ever felt anything for him other than platonic love. Mutual friends have always said they don’t know why we aren’t together and some of my newer female friends have commented that they think there could be something there, but until recently I’ve always thought it was funny and brushed it off. I would have gone as far as to say we were like brother and sister!

Recently we went to a wedding together as I needed a plus one, and I don’t know what happened but it’s like I’ve suddenly seen him in a new light. Nothing out of the ordinary happened, we had a great night as always when we are out but it’s like something has clicked in my brain and now I can’t stop thinking about him.

We are going to another wedding together on Friday, I’m returning the plus one favour and I’m really ridiculously nervous! I feel like I’m going to act weirdly or something or get drunk and say something and we’ve been friends for nearly 17 years now so I don’t want to ruin it! I’ve been avoiding him all last week because I think I’ll just go red or make it really obvious that something has changed.

I’m mortified at being such a cliche and reading this post back it sounds like the set up
For a VERY bad romcom. I’m a bit beside myself. I don’t know what to do about it, if anything at all, and how on earth I tell if he could like me more than friends (inwardly cringing).
Jesus I’m too old for this shit.

OP posts:
Original poster
captainamericassexybeard · 18/02/2020 05:44

God I’ve just read that back I sound like a teenager.

OP posts:
RedIsWhereItsAt · 18/02/2020 05:45

In one sense, your friendship is already ruined because you have had that 'shift'. So, in that sense, you have nothing to lose.

Original poster
captainamericassexybeard · 18/02/2020 05:47

That’s true I hadn’t thought of it like that. I just don’t understand what’s happened to make me suddenly feel like this!
He works abroad a lot and had been away for a longer stint than usual. Maybe it’s the whole absence makes the heart grow fonder schtick. I don’t know.

I do know that I don’t want to lose him though. Or make things awkward and mortifying.

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RedIsWhereItsAt · 18/02/2020 05:55

Dress beautifully for the wedding in something he hasn't seen before.

newname4968382 · 18/02/2020 05:58

Agree with @RedIsWhereItsAt above. See how he reacts. Has he ever showed you signs he likes you besides at the start obviously? Does he flirt with you a lot?

waggydog21 · 18/02/2020 05:59

I agree that things have been “ruined” now you see him in a new light. I think it’s better to shoot your shot now than stew. As long as you’re both single, talk to him! See how the wedding goes and just relax..!

Pestopastamad · 18/02/2020 06:06

I agree with PP to just relax, wear something beautiful that makes you feel good and confident and see where things go. This could just be a temporary blip on your part having been away from him for a while, or the romantic wedding vibes taking over. Just see where things naturally go on Friday, if it's meant to be it will be...
I saw a different side to my male best friend too, and after hiding it and doubting myself for months he actually turned around and told me he had feelings for me via text, out of the blue one day. Now he's snoozing away next to me, almost a decade later. There is hope!

Original poster
captainamericassexybeard · 18/02/2020 06:06

@newname4968382 I don’t know! Other people always make comments but I’ve never seen it IYSWIM and I feel like my sudden shift has clouded my view so im over analysing everything now whereas before it would have just been normal.

We message all the time, and he has joked previously that we should get married as we are both single and are pretty much the perfect couple “apart from the fact we don’t fancy each other”.
But that could be totally normal banter really.

When he’s home we hang out all the time, he’s very sweet and thoughtful...

I am totally boggled.

It’s mad that he’s the one person I could always totally relax with and be myself with and now it’s almost like he’s a totally new person and I’m almost dreading Friday because I suddenly don’t know how to act normally.

OP posts:
Pestopastamad · 18/02/2020 06:07

(and he's still my very best friend!)

Original poster
captainamericassexybeard · 18/02/2020 06:07

@Pestopastamad ah that’s lovely. Do you know what made you suddenly see him differently? I’ve been going over and over the wedding and trying to pinpoint when it happened.

@waggydog21 oh yes we are both single!! I wouldn’t even consider anything if we weren’t. I just need to work out how to relax now!

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itsUnderMyPillow · 18/02/2020 06:07

Tell him !

This could be the start of a new chapter for you both !

Original poster
captainamericassexybeard · 18/02/2020 06:10

Oh god @itsUnderMyPillow the idea of telling him
makes me want to throw up. I don’t think I could get the words out even if I knew what to say.

I think seeing how friday goes is probably wise advice, maybe the shift in feelings will go as quickly as it arrived...

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Original poster
captainamericassexybeard · 18/02/2020 06:14

Okay seeing as I can’t sleep and am totally consumed by this like a 13 year old with her first crush (incidentally he was mine Grin) I am going to do some online shopping to find something fabulous to wear.
At the very least it should take my mind off it.

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Pestopastamad · 18/02/2020 06:14

No idea, I've never really thought about it to be honest. I wonder if it was always 'there' but our lives were hectic at the time, and so we just didn't see it developing. But I do remember a strong realisation that when we met up as a group with mutual friends, I was only actually looking forward to seeing him/talking to him, when I really thought about it. Like you we had also had an extended period of time away from eachother, so maybe that is a part of it.

IDoNotHaveABlackCat · 18/02/2020 06:16

I married my best mate 22 years ago after being friends for 8 years or so.

Things just changed.

We were watching a movie together and then we weren't. Wink

CocoLoco87 · 18/02/2020 06:20

Is he single? You only live once! I'd see how the next wedding goes and take a chance tbh. It will make things weird for a bit if he doesn't reciprocate, but he also wont know unless you tell him! Maybe he feels the same and is in a similar dilemma to you Smile

JustMarriedBecca · 18/02/2020 06:25

Following shamelessly for updates.

Original poster
captainamericassexybeard · 18/02/2020 06:27

Aw @IDoNotHaveABlackCat that’s lovely
Although stop it you lot you’re giving me hope that it’s going to end up with us married and laughing at my ridiculousness
Quite a jump from last month when I would have laughed in your face if you had said I would be posting this!

He is single, yes.

Someone asked him at the last wedding if he thought he would get married and he said no, they asked if he hadn’t met the right woman and he said “maybe I have but she doesn’t want to marry me!”. Not said in any particularly meaningful way I hasten to add.

And now I’m thinking DID HE MEAN ME because I am an imbecile and overthinking everything.

Although the asker did then suggest we make a marriage pact like in friends 🙄 and he said “barking up the wrong tree there mate”
So it’s all context really.

Fuck I am a shambles

OP posts:
SnorkMaiden81 · 18/02/2020 06:31

I am so here for this!

MyOtherProfile · 18/02/2020 06:31

I would bet my bottom dollar he is in love with you after his comment then! Just go gently on Friday and be a teeny bit flirty. Or just jump on him and snog him Grin

BananaSpanner · 18/02/2020 06:34

Just to add an alternative view...

He’s said he doesn’t fancy you and told someone who suggested you get together that they were barking up the wrong tree. He might just prefer you as a friend.

FWIW, I got together with a best male friend after 8 years of close friendship. It lasted 6 months, wasn’t that great and we barely spoke in the years that followed. We’re still sort of mates now but not close. It left me really sad as I lost a boyfriend and a friend. I went on to marry someone completely different so all was well in the end.

Original poster
captainamericassexybeard · 18/02/2020 06:36

That’s what the rational part of my brain is telling me @bananaspanner
I don’t want to make a fool of myself and my very real fear is making our friendship awkward so it’s never the same again

OP posts:
Original poster
captainamericassexybeard · 18/02/2020 06:37

I’m glad it worked out for you in the end but sorry you lost your friend

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waggydog21 · 18/02/2020 06:39

I know it’s easier said than done but you need to stop thinking about it because you’re going to end up having a flap and making a misstep. He’s your friend, think of him like that until Friday otherwise you’re going to project a fantasy on him. Right, there’s my serious party pooper bit. Otherwise - dress up, have a great time and go with the flow! I’m rooting for you!!

waggydog21 · 18/02/2020 06:41

Oh I didn’t see the barking up the wrong tree. Realistically, there is a chance this could make things very awkward. So I think my previous comment about not overthinking it is very important because if he doesn’t feel the same, coming on too strongly will make things worse. Again, just relax and try not to pin everything on him.