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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to wonder if this could be more? Think I’m in love with my best friend

731 replies

captainamericassexybeard · 18/02/2020 05:38

Have name changed for this because my other friend is on here and knows my username and I think I might combust with embarrassment if she came across this and clocked it was me (the wedding details might be outing).

I briefly “dated” a guy as a young teen and then we became really good friends and stayed that way, pretty much best friends ever since - purely platonic.
He’s a very attractive guy but I’ve genuinely never ever felt anything for him other than platonic love. Mutual friends have always said they don’t know why we aren’t together and some of my newer female friends have commented that they think there could be something there, but until recently I’ve always thought it was funny and brushed it off. I would have gone as far as to say we were like brother and sister!

Recently we went to a wedding together as I needed a plus one, and I don’t know what happened but it’s like I’ve suddenly seen him in a new light. Nothing out of the ordinary happened, we had a great night as always when we are out but it’s like something has clicked in my brain and now I can’t stop thinking about him.

We are going to another wedding together on Friday, I’m returning the plus one favour and I’m really ridiculously nervous! I feel like I’m going to act weirdly or something or get drunk and say something and we’ve been friends for nearly 17 years now so I don’t want to ruin it! I’ve been avoiding him all last week because I think I’ll just go red or make it really obvious that something has changed.

I’m mortified at being such a cliche and reading this post back it sounds like the set up
For a VERY bad romcom. I’m a bit beside myself. I don’t know what to do about it, if anything at all, and how on earth I tell if he could like me more than friends (inwardly cringing).
Jesus I’m too old for this shit.

OP posts:
Original poster
captainamericassexybeard · 19/02/2020 05:03

Ive started a thread in style and beauty but I'm half regretting my dress choice now as I'm unsure how to style it...any suggestions? What would you wear it with?

OP posts:
timeisnotaline · 19/02/2020 08:10

I’d go for the ‘this is a lovely wedding, we should definitely do that wedding pact. I want a big white dress but you could wear whatever suit you liked- purple? Red? 70s pale blue with ruffles?
And I’m not having the fish, we will both have to get the steak unless you want the fish, I’m sure they will do that for the bride and groom. Or we just pick someone’s partner we don’t like and give them my fish... what do you think?’

MyOtherProfile · 19/02/2020 08:11

Roll on Saturday and the loved up update!

ZaZathecat · 19/02/2020 08:37

Fgs tell him now, while he's single. Imagine how you'll feel if he meets someone at the wedding or soon after and you've lost your chance.

lonelyplanetmum · 19/02/2020 08:46

The cream blazer or pashmina maybe if warm enough?

Or not sure but dusky pink blush pashmina and similar pinky/nude heels... these colours sort of?

AIBU to wonder if this could be more? Think I’m in love with my best friend
AIBU to wonder if this could be more? Think I’m in love with my best friend
Paperyfish · 19/02/2020 08:47

I’m just a hopeless romantic place marking for the love story

CornerOfTheSky · 19/02/2020 12:18

Shameless placemarking.

I think it could be worth testing the waters with a conversation about how you might feel about each other, if you can work out how to do that in a casual / just wondering kind of way.

Way back in my late teens, I had an epiphany about my very best male friend. Had been platonic for years, then suddenly I was wondering about exploring more. I did bring it up with him, he wasn't interested in that way (although later was...that's another story) and I was really surprised not to feel absolutely mortified. We just moved on, remained friends, and it wasn't weird at all. I think because I brought it up with him sooner rather than leaving it till I'd developed serious feelings, it was easier to shrug it off.

Poorolddaddypig · 19/02/2020 15:48

Ahhhh exciting!! Come back and tell us how it goes OP!

PeepeeDarling · 19/02/2020 15:57

Roll on Friday very excited for you op

SpudsAreLife84 · 19/02/2020 16:39

Another one rooting for you OP 💕

Hidingtonothing · 19/02/2020 22:54

Sending positive vibes and placemarking for updates, got everything crossed for you OP 🤞

FecktheBoss · 19/02/2020 23:22

Blatant placemark

zippyswife · 19/02/2020 23:32

.

joecormac · 19/02/2020 23:36

Living vicariously through this placemark

Osirus · 19/02/2020 23:52

What I did when I wasn’t sure of my now DH’s feelings (we had previously been in a short term relationship two years before which ended when he told me he didn’t “like me like that”) was to give him a longer than usual “goodbye” hug to see how he reacted.

We had been spending more time together than ever before (even more than in our shambolic relationship) and I thought there might be something there but I wasn’t convinced. So I gave him the prolonged hug, about five seconds longer than usual. It sounds so simple, but when the hug ended, he gave me the strangest look, like he was waiting for something more or he wanted to say something. I knew then that he did like me.

He asked me out a week later Grin. Married now!

YesThatsATurdOnTheRug · 20/02/2020 00:02

Ooh I love the dress, does it look good on? I would just be really subtly flirty - lean in, small touches, eye contact, slow smiles and big laughs.

likeafishneedsabike · 20/02/2020 00:14

Years and years ago, I shared a flat with a bloke away from home and we were very close friends in that time. Then my friends from home visited and thought it was hilarious that I denied fancying him. ‘Errr, yes you do so let him know’. Went for a drink with him as per usual - like I say, we were v good mates at the time - but the two of us were on v low wages and I couldn’t actually afford to get drunk. So I had to admit to him soberish that I fancied him, all the time with my head face down on the pub table. It was excruciating but I had to get it out. He laughed his head off, the bugger, but then admitted that he’d only rented a flat with me because he fancied me. At this point I raised my forehead off the pub table.
BUT it didn’t blossom. I wanted to be his girlfriend but he wanted to be friends with benefits (itchy feet to travel the world rather than settle down). I didn’t take the sex on offer because I thought I’d be hurt.
He was bloody lovely but it wasn’t the right time or place. Sometimes you’ve got to get these things out in the open though.

Pieceofpurplesky · 20/02/2020 00:33

Another blatant placemarker hoping for a happy ever after Grin

LionelRitchieStoleMyNotebook · 20/02/2020 00:38

I had a good friend from about 11, we were close through school, drunkenly kissed a few times at sixth form but both always laughed it off sober. For the next decade people would say oh you two will end up together etc and we'd laugh. A mutual friend bet me £20 I'd marry him when we were 16, I took the bet confident that was madness.
We were best friends but went off to different unis opposite ends of the country, had relationships etc but always got back in touch as soon as we were home, he surprised me and turned up in my city to visit at one point.
His two main exes didn't like me, I genuinely didn't get it he was my best friend it genuinely wasn't sexual. FF to 24/25 both happened to be out of semi long term relationships around the same time (3 ish years), had a summer of gigs, festivals, pubs, working for the weekend etc. Went out to a gig one night and I got chatted up at the bar, friend came over, bar guy apologised 'didn't realise you were with someone' I explained it wasn't like that and we exchanged numbers. After an almighty skinful we left and my friend kissed me, I felt like my chest was going to explore my heart was beating so fast, it was completely unexpected. Said later that he hadn't expected to feel the way he did watching someone else trying to chat me up and that he just decided to do something before someone else did.
We've been together more than a decade now, married, house, baby, the whole shebang. I sent the mutual friend a £20 cheque with her wedding invitation.

jakeyboy1 · 20/02/2020 00:48

Placemaking. Good luck!
I wasn't friends with my husband but knew who he was. Didn't fancy him. One night was going out with friends and asked who was coming, they said his name and it just clicked in my head and that was that - got together that night!

Snoopdogsbitch · 20/02/2020 01:12

Some fabulous stories. Love the cheque in the invite Lionel

MayDayHelp · 20/02/2020 01:32

I got together with my male best friend. We went out drinking together one night (which wasn’t unusual) and something shifted, we both felt it. By the end of the night we were tearing each other’s clothes off.

Was great for a while, didn’t work out long term though and sadly we’re not friends anymore (only because he has a ridiculous policy of not staying friends with exes).

Go for it OP. A bit of Dutch courage, bit of flirting/dancing, and you’ll soon know if he’s responding to your signals. And if he doesn’t you can plead ignorance and blame it on the booze.

RingPiece · 20/02/2020 01:54

Been in a similar situation about fifteen years ago. All of a sudden, I developed a huge crush on a good male friend with whom things had never been anything more than platonic. I felt really awkward around him and couldn't be myself. He sensed something was wrong and I started to push him away rather than tell him.

One morning, about three months later, I woke up and no longer felt that I liked him in that way. My crush was over as quickly as it had begun, and I forgot about it as we continued to be great mates.

Never told him this though!!

EmmaGrundyForPM · 20/02/2020 03:57

I'm another one who suddenly fell for a good friend. I wasn't sure what to do but then we went out drinking one evening, got quite drunk and ended up in bed Blush

I was really upset when I woke up the next morning in a "WTF have I done" way. I thought I'd ruined a good friendship. Then he woke up and said "I've been longing for that to happen for ages"

We've now been married for 25 years. He's still my best friend.

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