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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to wonder if this could be more? Think I’m in love with my best friend

731 replies

captainamericassexybeard · 18/02/2020 05:38

Have name changed for this because my other friend is on here and knows my username and I think I might combust with embarrassment if she came across this and clocked it was me (the wedding details might be outing).

I briefly “dated” a guy as a young teen and then we became really good friends and stayed that way, pretty much best friends ever since - purely platonic.
He’s a very attractive guy but I’ve genuinely never ever felt anything for him other than platonic love. Mutual friends have always said they don’t know why we aren’t together and some of my newer female friends have commented that they think there could be something there, but until recently I’ve always thought it was funny and brushed it off. I would have gone as far as to say we were like brother and sister!

Recently we went to a wedding together as I needed a plus one, and I don’t know what happened but it’s like I’ve suddenly seen him in a new light. Nothing out of the ordinary happened, we had a great night as always when we are out but it’s like something has clicked in my brain and now I can’t stop thinking about him.

We are going to another wedding together on Friday, I’m returning the plus one favour and I’m really ridiculously nervous! I feel like I’m going to act weirdly or something or get drunk and say something and we’ve been friends for nearly 17 years now so I don’t want to ruin it! I’ve been avoiding him all last week because I think I’ll just go red or make it really obvious that something has changed.

I’m mortified at being such a cliche and reading this post back it sounds like the set up
For a VERY bad romcom. I’m a bit beside myself. I don’t know what to do about it, if anything at all, and how on earth I tell if he could like me more than friends (inwardly cringing).
Jesus I’m too old for this shit.

OP posts:
captainamericassexybeard · 18/02/2020 11:31

I sound like I'm totally taking his side there - I'm not, even though he is my friend. I'm under no illusion that he's perfect!

OP posts:
Grafittiqueen · 18/02/2020 11:39

Maybe he didn't marry her because he realised he was secretly in love with you!!

CornishPorsche · 18/02/2020 11:50

Hi @captain, I married my one of these....! Best friends since school. Polar opposites in so many ways. Suddenly fancied him in my 30s. Finally said something, it was reciprocated, married 3yrs later!

captainamericassexybeard · 18/02/2020 12:05

it's really interesting how many of you say you just changed your view of your friend...
it's so bizarre

OP posts:
Forrandomposts · 18/02/2020 14:01

DH was my friend before he was DH. I purposely got drunk, draped myself over him all night, then kissed him when he walked me home. I was going to use "oh my god I was so drunk I thought you were Gérard Butler CRAZY Eh" excuse if he rejected me. Buuuut he didn't.

If you are going to do it, that's the best way. Much more safe in terms of rejection!

captainamericassexybeard · 18/02/2020 15:34

Think I’ve found a dress

AIBU to wonder if this could be more? Think I’m in love with my best friend
OP posts:
maddening · 18/02/2020 15:48

OMG op, it could be amazing if it happens! Totally rooting for you two!

Bestronger · 18/02/2020 15:50

Omg you should give a try and see what his reaction would be like! Love the dress Wink

Me and DP been friends for 5 years before we "supposedly" had a one night stand (classy I know!) and now we been together for 4 years and we got a baby on the way in August haha

JillAmanda · 18/02/2020 15:56

Parking my arse here for the foreseeable 😁

summeryet · 18/02/2020 16:05

Love the dress!

eggofmantumbi · 18/02/2020 16:07

That dress is gorgeous!

DontFundHate · 18/02/2020 16:13

Ooh a love story!

I would definitely have to get drunk and sound him out

SheepSocks · 18/02/2020 16:13

Rooting for you OP.

Can we all come to your wedding if you end up getting together?

rhowton · 18/02/2020 16:20

I really really really want this to be love! I love love!!

handslikecowstits · 18/02/2020 16:24

Here's my two pennoth: I would phone him asap (i.e. before the wedding) and tell him exactly how you feel. Stone cold sober. No mucking about, no pretending to be drunk, no skirting round the issue. If he doesn't want you, you'll know. You're a big girl, you'll cope.

FWIW I think his 'barking up the wrong tree' was actually his way of telling the baker that YOU aren't interested in him rather than him being gay but as I don't know either of you...

Beerincomechampagnetastes · 18/02/2020 16:31

Ahhh a love 💓 story, just what I need....

phivephatphish · 18/02/2020 16:35

Good luck OP!
Btw it is a RomCom.......it’s called Pus One. It’s hilarious. DH and I watched it last weekend. They met at colleague. 10 years later they start being each other’s plus one’s at the endless weddings they are at. I’m not going to spoil the plot.
You could watch it together to start the conversation......

anon2000000000 · 18/02/2020 16:37

Don't play games, just tell him how you feel.

MrsHusky · 18/02/2020 16:46

i've been hopelessly in love with my best friend for nearly a year. He knows, i've made it clear how I feel BUT he doesn't feel he can maintain a relationship and doesn't want to ruin what we have... and so far my declaring my feelings haven't managed to spoil it.

We're still extremely close.. we hold hands, hug, tell each other we love each other.. he thinks i'm an incorrigible sap and thinks its cute/funny... but everything is 100% platonic between us.

I'm hoping eventually my 'extra' feelings will fuck off, but if they dont.. its fine and i'm ok with that... having him in my life as my friend is vastly more important than trying a relationship and wrecking everything completely.

RositaEspinosa · 18/02/2020 16:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cunningartificer · 18/02/2020 17:17

Hmmm try chatting to him about what you’re both looking for in a partner. You know... how lovely your relationship is, and then wouldn’t it be good if you fancied each other, and then say something like ‘well actually I do fancy you, but I love you so much as a friend I don’t want to lose that. Do you think we’d lose that if we took the next step?’ And there you are. Purely theoretical discussion of course... with deniability if needed as of course you fancy him if he’s attractive, why wouldn’t you?

Dylaninthemovies1 · 18/02/2020 17:19

Totally on here for the OPs updates

Tootyfilou · 18/02/2020 17:30

Place marking. Good luck Op !

ComeOnTesco · 18/02/2020 19:01

Oooo following

captainamericassexybeard · 18/02/2020 19:21

Thanks!

Dress ordered.

I’m not going to plan anything as I’ll just get flustered and nervous I think I’m just going to try not to think about it this week and see what happens

OP posts: