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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think if you want your own snacks in the house you can buy them yourself?

360 replies

notyoursnackbitch · 17/02/2020 15:49

We have two very young DC. I plan and cook all meals, including doing the online food shop. I also work 4 days a week. DH works long hours from home 5 days a week.

He has just stormed out of the kitchen because he "never has any fucking food in this house" after I told him not to eat the snacks I was about to give DC.

AIBU to think at, approaching 40, he can buy his own fucking snacks if he wants them? Am I now everyone's personal snack bitch? And why would he think it's reasonable to eat food that's been bought for our 1 year old?!

OP posts:
EuroMillionsWinner · 17/02/2020 21:34

Some of us just think that basic communication on both sides is standard and whoever does the shop would out extra in once they know they're running out of things or going through things quicker.

But there isn't mature communication on both sides Hmm. Just him throwing a strop and swearing because her indoors didn't notice he scoffed all his junk food and replace it like a good little wifey.

Marlouse · 17/02/2020 21:41

I also think OP is BU about the food, but she isn’t about the other issues.
He sounds awful, letting you take full responsibility for the entire household because he just can’t be bothered.

Still, I really can’t understand OP going on and on about snacks and only now sharing about all the other stuff that’s going wrong in the relationship/household. Maybe the snacks are her breakingpoint?

OP, what does your DH say about him slagging off on the household duties? How does he react when you confront him?

Bikerider2020 · 17/02/2020 21:47

Jesus Christ @Juliette20 WTF is your problem, you've concluded that the DH is a fat lazy bastard..

OP he ate the sacred snacks last week, you do the online shop so just order more in future? It's no big deal.

AutumnCrow · 17/02/2020 22:25

Is it not 'a big deal' having a dad storming about and swearing? I'd absolutely hate it.

JudyCoolibar · 17/02/2020 22:44

I don't think anyone is saying you should walk to the shop for him, just that if your household runs out if items then add more to the online shop.

Yes, that will sort out next week (possibly). In the meantime, it's hardly unreasonable for OP to expect her husband to be a grown up and get his own snacks if he wants more than she bought last week.

JudyCoolibar · 17/02/2020 22:47

If you’re in charge of doing the online shopping for the family, why don’t you ask what everyone wants for snacks? And if your husband works from home, then surely you should accommodate this and ask him what he needs for lunch and snacks!

Goodness, what a good idea. Why has no-one else on this thread thought of that?

Only, it does say right there in OP's second post:

I ask him what he wants when doing the online shop. I order biscuits, for him. Crisps, for him.

gingersausage · 17/02/2020 23:15

@Popuppippa I'm already a 36 pack of crisps plus various kettle chips down since SUNDAY.

How??? That is just sheer downright greed. Unless you are going to dripfeed you have 12 children or you had a party.

MrsMGE · 17/02/2020 23:21

If he snacks so much on rubbish (which isn't healthy so he might want to rethink that anyway, but that's a separate point), why don't you just order him more snacks? You know he'll eat them. If he's eating someone else's snacks then tell him to replace them the following day. Simple.

Best of all, introduce healthy snacks, same for all. Easier, cheaper and better for all.

BlokeTarget · 17/02/2020 23:38

LTB.

I buy my own snacks and have the exact ones I choose or like in the house- plus my local shops are on the route to and from work. I’d never say that to my dw! I’d just go buy more/ buy my own

woodchuck99 · 17/02/2020 23:53

If he snacks so much on rubbish (which isn't healthy so he might want to rethink that anyway, but that's a separate point), why don't you just order him more snacks?

OP isn't asking for tips on how to make sure her DH never suffers from lack of biscuits and crisps in the future. She is asking if she is unreasonable to be angry about the fact that he his having a tantrum because there are no snacks in the house despite asking him what he wanted the online order and despite the fact that as a grown adult he's perfectly capable of buying his own extra snacks. The point is it his fault not hers that he ate more snacks than he anticipated. Therefore he should go to the shops or do without rather than having a tantrum.

Northernsoullover · 18/02/2020 00:08

Fuck! This thread is hilarious. Those who say 'just buy more' he would probably eat the extras too. I know my teens would. I make them go to the shop or point them in the direction of the toaster.
Mine will whinge that there is no food but there is always bread for toast or a sandwich.
They are just lazy fuckers. I bought a 6 pack of crisps for my packed lunches this week. Gone in one day.

violetbunny · 18/02/2020 00:33

We have our shopping list on an app we both have access to. When I go to the supermarket I tell DP to add whatever he needs for himself to the list. If he doesn't add it he is not allowed to complain. End of story.

PyongyangKipperbang · 18/02/2020 00:35

And..."Just buy more"

What with?!

Many people are on strict budgets, is the OP (or anyone else for that matter) supposed to just pull £20 from her arsehole and spend it on crisps and biscuits? FFS, if I could pull off that trick I would be paying off my mortgage and not spending it on crap that any normal adult can and should do without.

And people wonder why we have an obesity crisis when so many greedy fuckers are shovelling crap down themselves.

CoupeCourte · 18/02/2020 00:38

So you work basically full time and do 100% of the domestic work. He works from home and does fuck all. He doesn't take care of your needs, or those of your shared children, but gets aggro at you for not buying him enough biscuits! Absolutely pathetic.

He's not even hungry! He had "bread, crackers and hummus, nuts, fruit, ice cream, chocolate" available. He just wanted the children's snacks. Jesus Christ I don't know how you put up with this. He sounds repulsive. Just another angry, attention seeking man baby.

sofasocks · 18/02/2020 00:41

OP you could be me haha. Could have 300 pounds worth of food in the house for meals for next few weeks but because he doesn't cook there's never enough for him to snack on

AvocadoAdvocate · 18/02/2020 00:54

Why can't he walk to the shop? My DH often buys stuff on his way home to graze on through the evening. The idea of him yelling at me due to lack of snacks is ridiculous.

MrsMGE · 18/02/2020 06:55

Woodchuck - perhaps I can tell OP is already sufficiently annoyed and I've moved on to finding a simple solution to this relatively small problem so that she doesn't get more annoyed going forward. The guy is a serious snacker, this won't change overnight. I look at it from the point of view of solving a small problem to get rid of it, not dwelling on it.

OP can be annoyed with his habit - goes without saying. But what's the point in that long term. Just find a way to resolve this that works.

Also selective reading at its finest - I clearly said in the follow up sentence of my earlier post that he should replace others' snacks he's eaten the next day. To clarify, this means him walking to the shop to get more snacks.

BootShakin · 18/02/2020 07:36

Is this a wind up? It is so petty and easily solved. Just buy more snacks? Crisps and biscuits dont expire anyway. Drama Queen or what.

JudyCoolibar · 18/02/2020 07:52

@BootShakin, why should OP be the one to buy more? She's already bought what he asked for. Surely he should be the one organising that?

feelingverylazytoday · 18/02/2020 07:59

He sounds like a spoilt kid to me. I can't imagine an adult behaving like this. Throwing a tantrum because he can't have the baby's food? He needs to grow the fuck up.

phoenixrosehere · 18/02/2020 08:01

Is this a wind up? It is so petty and easily solved. Just buy more snacks? Crisps and biscuits dont expire anyway. Drama Queen or what.

🙄

Rtft! There are snacks there! He asked for his particular snacks, she bought them, and he finished his before the next shop. He’s complaining and having a strop because he wants more of his and wants her to buy more when he can go to the shop 2 min away to get some more of what HE wants if he is so desperate as if not having them for one day is going to kill him. He’s not going to starve. He knows how much is bought since he is the one that tells OP what he wants. He works from home so should know when he’s out and could get it himself or ask OP to when she’s on the way home. Didn’t do either, but wants OP to head out for something he could easily get himself when there is food and other snacks he can have.

The more I read about men like this, the more I appreciate my husband. He works from home some days and will pop down the street to get his snacks if he knows he runs out or ask if I’ll be passing one and can I pick them up. If he is in the office, he will pick some more up on the way home like any adult with an iota of common sense would. He wouldn’t expect me to pop out to get snacks that he wants when he is physically able to do it himself. I might offer to do it if I want a bit of fresh air, but that’s about it.

phoenixrosehere · 18/02/2020 08:05

*shop 2 min away to get some more of what HE wants as if not having them for one day is going to kill him.

CamembertIt · 18/02/2020 08:07

YANBU on the whole but can't dictate that he doesn't eat the Soreen. However, it would then be perfectly reason to say "oh, we're out of Soreen - could you pop to the shop and get some more, please? You could pick up some more crisps whilst you're there." YANBU about the rest.

Weenurse · 18/02/2020 08:36

Time for a chat about what it takes to run a house.
Just because you work 1 day less does not mean everything falls to you.
Sit down with him and list everything that needs doing, including family admin, and divvy it all up. Take into account your day off so you may do a percentage more.
Plan when things are going to be done, within reason, so there is still family and individual time left
It may mean that you each do a household chore a day so that there is family time on weekends.
Good luck

woodchuck99 · 18/02/2020 09:34

Woodchuck - perhaps I can tell OP is already sufficiently annoyed and I've moved on to finding a simple solution to this relatively small problem so that she doesn't get more annoyed going forward.

She is annoyed because rather than her DH accepting that it is his fault and his problem to sort out (by asking for more snacks in the future or going out and getting some from the shop), he is having a tantrum.Giving her helpful tips on how to be a better 1950s housewife so her DH doesn't have to go without crisps and biscuits will not make her less annoyed as it implies that she rather than he should have done something differently which is not the case. It is his job to do things differently in the future not hers.

The guy is a serious snacker, this won't change overnight. I look at it from the point of view of solving a small problem to get rid of it, not dwelling on it.

Actually if someone is a serious snacker buying more snacks will just increase the snacking and won't solve the problem. He will probably just eat even more.My teenagers would probably eat tons of snacks if I filled the cupboard with them so I never keep that much in the cupboard. My view is that if they are desperate for a packet of crisps they can walk to the shops burn some energy while getting them.

OP can be annoyed with his habit - goes without saying. But what's the point in that long term. Just find a way to resolve this that works.

Firstly, as I said buying more snacks probably won't solve the problem. Secondly, a better way to resolve things would be to make it clear that it is not her job to ensure that her adult husband has access to crisps and biscuits at all times.

Also selective reading at its finest - I clearly said in the follow up sentence of my earlier post that he should replace others' snacks he's eaten the next day. To clarify, this means him walking to the shop to get more snacks

You are the one with selective reading. She clearly stated that she was about to give the snacks to her children There how would replacing them the next day help?

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