To think if you want your own snacks in the house you can buy them yourself?

[notyoursnackbitch]

We have two very young DC. I plan and cook all meals, including doing the online food shop. I also work 4 days a week. DH works long hours from home 5 days a week.

He has just stormed out of the kitchen because he "never has any fucking food in this house" after I told him not to eat the snacks I was about to give DC.

AIBU to think at, approaching 40, he can buy his own fucking snacks if he wants them? Am I now everyone's personal snack bitch? And why would he think it's reasonable to eat food that's been bought for our 1 year old?!

Why not buy snacks for everyone and surely if he works long hours you could buy him his favourite snack every now and then with the online food shop as a treat ? Sounds like theres bigger problems in your house than snacks

I know. He wanted that banana soreen! Who does the one year old think she is?!

Haha this made me laugh

The op said she asks him when she's doing the online shop..
Poor big important husband with his long hours job, can't spare the time of think of the snackies he wants his wife to order

Mumsnet is batshit sometimes.

Why not buy snacks for everyone and surely if he works long hours you could buy him his favourite snack every now and then with the online food shop as a treat ? Sounds like theres bigger problems in your house than snacks

OP HAD bought him his own snacks. He's already eaten them all.

Solution is for him to take over the shopping and meal responsibilities. I GUARANTEE that the time for this would be the same or more than the equivalent of the full days work extra he does.

@LucaFritz - he works only one more day than the OP.

Jesus wept.

Sigh.

The OP asks. The OP buys. The OP's H eats it all and storms out and swears profanities. He has money and legs and a shop two minutes away.

Snacks are only for children in this house. As people who struggle with weight we just don’t have snacks, it blows my mind that people talk about them like they are some sort of essential. If one of us really wants
something we pop out for it, we also have a little shop 2 minutes away. Who knew grown men needed spoon feeding to this extent, mind blown.

My DH usually buys his own snacks because he eats utterly hideous things that no one in their right mind eats.

Sheesh. Wait til your DC are teenagers, they won't be sticking to their own cupboard of food then

Hopefully OP will be lucky enough to have teenagers like mine, who are mature enough not to tantrum when we run out of snacks

OP - YANBU

Plus your phrase 'Do I have to everyone's snack bitch?' really made me laugh and cheered me up no end!

Your DH is being a dick - he needs to get some boots on and walk to the shop.

AIBU to think at, approaching 40, he can buy his own fucking snacks if he wants them? Am I now everyone's personal snack bitch?

You’re not everyone’s snack bitch, just a bitch about snacks

He is far from fat, sadly - it is just expected that I will organise the household. I don't "take control" of the shopping and I'm not "refusing" to order more. I do it because if I didn't, it wouldn't get done. I'm not a mindreader so if he doesn't tell me what he wants, how am I supposed to know? And why should I try to predict it?! I always buy him beers or a nice treat whenever I pop to the shop. I am not keeping a cupboard full of crap because a) he WILL eat it all as soon as he can and b) we don't have the room. I can't believe people have suggested stockpiling snacks and rationing them - what the actual fuck?! If I want some chocolate I go out and buy it. It's not an essential. We are 2 minutes (probably less) from several shops and we live within 1 mile of a city centre. It's not like we need to have everything in for the week and besides, he's always complaining he doesn't get out the house enough so perhaps next time he can fuck off on a quick jolly to Sainsbury's and get his own Soreen.

We had plenty of other food in the house at the time. We had bread, crackers and hummus, nuts, fruit, ice cream, chocolate and he had only eaten lunch 2 hours ago so it's not like he was starving!

I keep particular snacks for the children because the three year old is really fussy and he sometimes needs filling up after nursery. The one year old wants to eat whatever he's eating at snack time.

Some of you are right, the issue goes deeper. It's about me taking ALL of the responsibility for running the household even though I work 4 days a week in a job with a lot of responsibility. I do all of the washing, cleaning, cooking, the majority of childcare and all of the organising around nursery bills - all of the mental load. Why should I have to automatically know he wants more snacks in the house when he's never mentioned it before and why should I be responsible for providing them?

Yanbu

OP and I can’t believe some are even suggesting it’s your fault. The shop is 2 minutes away. With the amount of time he spent being a toddler he could have been walked his hungry arse down and bought some more since he finished what was bought.

My husband and I plan and do a weekly shop together. My husband gets his snacks (crisps and chocolate) while I get other things. If he finishes what was bought, he goes and gets some more (shop is a minute drive, 5 minute walk). If I’m going pass I’ll ask if he wants me to pick up anything, other than that he gets his own because he is an adult and has legs.

Sometimes it’s small stuff like this that puts big stuff into sharp focus

Am I really expected to provide food for everyone all of the time? If I want something and we don't have it in, I walk two minutes to the shop and buy it.
I don't think anyone is saying you should walk to the shop for him, just that if your household runs out if items then add more to the online shop.

I honestly could not be arsed to be getting this irritated and martyr-like over adding some extras into the online shopping basket.

At the moment I'm eating toast and bread based snacks like they're going out of fashion. DH did the shop this week. He could have bitched about how "Lola has eaten all the snacks I bought her last week, how unreasonable, I can't believe she is being so greedy, why should I buy all her snacks, poor me", or he could walk past he bakery section and put two packets in instead of one.
When I do the online shop, I could complain that DH has eaten all of the sweet treats in a similar style.

Actually, we throw the extra into the shop for each other because neither of us are martyrs or point scoring and neither of us have to go to the shop. Problem solved.

the issue goes deeper. It's about me taking ALL of the responsibility for running the household even though I work 4 days a week in a job with a lot of responsibility. I do all of the washing, cleaning, cooking, the majority of childcare and all of the organising around nursery bills - all of the mental load.

Aha. So it would seem that snacks have become symbolic of all of this. Which he won’t grasp one iota. So YANBU to be pissed about all that, but YABU to not —bollock— talk to him about it all and pick his snacking habits as the thing to fix your ire on, because that’s not going to fix anything really. At least, not anything meaningful, not the stuff that’s actually sitting underneath this particular incident.

Why are so many posters insisting op should make sure there's enough of his snacks in the house?
Why can an able bodied adult not just pick up his own snacks?

I’m not sure that I understand why you’re riled.
If you’re in charge of doing the online shopping for the family, why don’t you ask what everyone wants for snacks? And if your husband works from home, then surely you should accommodate this and ask him what he needs for lunch and snacks!
You’re a married couple, you should be working together regarding the family food. Why on Earth are you thinking that he should fend for himself?

Why does mumsnet suddenly think it's 1934 and the little woman's job to buy the working man his snacks? Tell him to get down the shop. It gives me the right irrits when the meals are all nice and planned and someone eats things they bloody don't need. Probably another reason I'm single.

I had a similar issue with DH, only without the swearing/ being an arse. Just... I was responsible for ALL the household mental load. So I threw my toys out of the prawn, accused him of taking me for granted, and refused to do any shopping or cooking for a month.
It. Was. AWESOME. We share responsibility now. I still have more of the load, but it's probably 70/30 rather than 100% on me. And crucially I know that if it gets too much I can take a break. Maybe discuss something like that with him?

Sounds like a really shit relationship OP.
For you that is.

If you’re in charge of doing the online shopping for the family, why don’t you ask what everyone wants for snacks

She does, and got him crisps and biscuits, which he ate. And she's only 'in charge' because it doesn't occur to the other adult in the household that meal planning, list making and food ordering needs active input, it doesn't just happen by itself.

You’re a married couple, you should be working together regarding the family food

Working together would suggest some input from him, but he seems to think this means that the cupboard magically fill themselves.

Why on Earth are you thinking that he should fend for himself

I know, it's horrific isn't it? Expecting an able bodied man to be able to walk two whole minutes to the shop that they can probably see from their front door should he fancy a snack and nothing in the house meets his approval. What is the OP thinking? .

Why does mumsnet suddenly think it's 1934 and the little woman's job to buy the working man his snacks? Tell him to get down the shop. It gives me the right irrits when the meals are all nice and planned and someone eats things they bloody don't need. Probably another reason I'm single.
Some of us just think that basic communication on both sides is standard and whoever does the shop would out extra in once they know they're running out of things or going through things quicker.

For example, I didn't tell DH we were going through more milk. He saw we were going through milk quicker and bought an extra few pints in the main shop so neither of us had to go out again.

I think the OP is BU over the snacks, but she isn't about other issues in their relationship.

I’m not sure that I understand why you’re riled.
If you’re in charge of doing the online shopping for the family, why don’t you ask what everyone wants for snacks? And if your husband works from home, then surely you should accommodate this and ask him what he needs for lunch and snacks!
You’re a married couple, you should be working together regarding the family food. Why on Earth are you thinking that he should fend for himself?

Why didn’t you rtft or all of OP’s responses? She ordered what he asked for! He then ate it all, complains and tries to take snacks from their own children. He knows where the shop is and how much he asked for. He could have been a f**king adult and go pick up more once he realised he ate it all, asked OP if she could pick up something for him beforehand, or eat something else. Not like he would have starved during the two minutes to get to the shops.

Can’t believe some of these responses. Christ on a bike.