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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aggressive man in cinema

173 replies

earlydoors42 · 17/02/2020 13:44

Just went to the pictures with my kids. It was a "sit anywhere" screening so we sat in the best seats which you can pay more for - usually nobody pays extra and anyone sits there, especially in a not busy screening like it was today.

A man & 2 boys said we were in his seats (at the end of the row) so we were moving down (the rest of the row was empty anyway - we ended up in the middle in better seats). As he went past while I was still sitting - but it was clear we were moving as my kids had already stood up, I was just gathering stuff - he hit me in my knees with his knees several times on purpose! My son saw him do it too. It actually hurt quite a bit, i have bad knees. It wasn't an accident.

AIBU to think that was unnecessary?! I accept it is wrong to sit in the premier seats, except the cinema don't care and we moved when he said we were in his seats.

OP posts:
flower1994 · 17/02/2020 16:11

eww people on this sit are so weird lol, imagine giving a persona shit for where they sat over the fact she was intimidated by a complete stranger over virtually nothing. you all need some anger management if you think someone 'stealing' your seat warrants a reaction like that.

aa to the PP who said about someone recreating with him well that's just about the most stupid thing I've ever read. my dad was a violent piece of shit, just because my mum has kids with him didnt make the fact any less so unfortunately.

OP you have a right to feel upset and I can imagine you probably wish you had said something now, hence the reason for your post and the fact you still feel like this.

cstaff · 17/02/2020 16:12

Oh FFS some people on here are being ridiculous. The cinema was practically empty and it was not a seat by number basis. It was a free for all. He was an aggressive bully OP.

I once saw a man push a girl down the stairs and knock her out in the cinema because of a fight over seats. It turned out one of them (not sure which) had booked the same seats for a different night. Absolutely crazy carry on.

Yesterdayforgotten · 17/02/2020 16:14

'Well as nobody is ever moved from them, my kids have never been moved, I thought for the films with no seating that maybe you could sit where you want. The tickets say Row Seat . They don't say not to sit in premier seats. Sorry I got it wrong.'

Erm I would say the extra money you havent paid to sit in premier would be enough of a hint. People pay extra and it's not cheap so are allowed to be choosy about where they sit eg: an aisle seat flt stretching legs or middle of the row for optimum viewing etc. Its not for you to huff and puff because you've been asked to move which really seems the issue here.

EarringsandLipstick · 17/02/2020 16:16

I can't believe some of the posts here. 😳

The issue is NOT premier seats / normal seats etc.

This man was an absolute ignorant thug. OP I'm really sorry. If this happened to me, I'd be really upset, especially when I agree, what could you do immediately in that situation? I'd be like you, move & then on later reflection feel angry & upset and wish I could challenge him.

The man was NOT 'passive-aggressive' - he was actually aggressive, physically so.

I'm sorry you experienced this. I don't think there's anything you could have done - he is clearly pig-ignorant & would have escalated his behaviour.

Hope you feel better soon 💐 (oh, and I absolutely get how he was hitting you with his knees. What's up with dim PPs who seem unable to grasp it?)

flower1994 · 17/02/2020 16:17

there are some super goady types on this site OP, pay them no mind, they've never done anything less than perfect

pourmorewine · 17/02/2020 16:19

People are so weird about seats in an empty cinema.
The man sounds like an absolute arsehole.

lottiegarbanzo · 17/02/2020 16:20

He assaulted you. You should have shouted out loudly and said so, then reported him to staff. I understand you didn't because you were shocked, at the weirdness of it as much as the pain.

A significant minority of men are aggressive, antisocial arseholes who enjoy and/or are completely uninhibited about using physical force to control and 'punish' women for not doing what these men want, when they want it.

Anyone defending this behaviour is a misogynistic arsehole themselves (and yes, women can be misogynists). Anyone pretending it doesn't happen, or trying to deflect attention away from the unacceptability of his deliberate aggression, by trying to tie you up in knots of pedantry, is either consciously or unconsciously in denial about the nature of the society we live in. The patriarchy's power is largely enforced by its handmaidens.

See also this recent thread: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/a3822632-To-have-not-moved-out-of-the-way-for-this-man?msgid=93965680#93965680

Yesterdayforgotten · 17/02/2020 16:20

'It turned out one of them (not sure which) had booked the same seats for a different night. Absolutely crazy carry on.'

^ that isnt what happened here though is it? OP sat in seats she had not paid for because she felt entitled to do so. She knew fine well somebody else could ne sitting there and risked it anyway. If I had paid extra for a seat I'd be abit put out if others were sitting in the seats and hadn't paid the extra tbh.
The cinema should be enforcing it better as obviously they need to.

5zeds · 17/02/2020 16:20

Someone kicked you in front of your children. I think a better response would have been to show them how to deal with that? I’m not sure what you’re asking for though? It sounds very horrible.

ScarlettBlaize · 17/02/2020 16:20

It was a "sit anywhere" screening so we sat in the best seats which you can pay more for

Or

there's no real difference in the seats - why I didn't think it mattered where you sat.

Which is it op?

Yesterdayforgotten · 17/02/2020 16:21

If the man was aggressive that is out of order and should have been reported to cinema staff.

Original poster
earlydoors42 · 17/02/2020 16:21

I am still surprised anyone paid extra to see Spies In Disguise at 11am! Our cinema is pretty rubbish. We saw a mouse on the floor in our row at the end, lol. In the premier row too, didn't the mouse know!

Still cost me a lot and I didn't want it spoiling. I generally only go to kids club (£2.50 films - no idea if that has premier seating either!) and very rarely pay the full price to see a film after 10am! It was a rare holiday treat.

OP posts:
Yesterdayforgotten · 17/02/2020 16:23

Maybe it was the mans birthday Grin different strokes for different folks

Original poster
earlydoors42 · 17/02/2020 16:25

No I wasn't huffing and puffing about being asked to move. I was surprised but moved. I was however upset about being injured on purpose.

I did show my kids one way to deal with it - move away and don't bring more aggression on yourself. I think I would do that again even if I wasn't shocked. He was a lot bigger than me.

OP posts:
BarbedBloom · 17/02/2020 16:28

You are not being unreasonable to be angry about him hurting you. That is totally not acceptable. You are being hugely unreasonable to sit in the premier seats without paying.

ChocolateQuiltedShitPig · 17/02/2020 16:28

No excuse for any form of physical force, but if I’d paid extra for premium seats and someone else just decided to sit there, I’d be irritated

This

PuppyMonkey · 17/02/2020 16:30

YANBU to say an aggressive man shouldn’t have kneed you repeatedly for sitting in his seat. I’m not sure what you can do about it now though. Did you say “Oi, stop that” at the time?

As for the premier seats, they used to be a bit more luxurious than standard seats as far as I’m aware. OP, if you do sit in standard seats next time, no doubt you’ll notice the difference in terms of your bum aching.Grin

My local Odeon has thankfully upgraded to deluxe mode and all the seats are fancy recliners, and you have to book in advance rather than sit anywhere. Much better imho.

Original poster
earlydoors42 · 17/02/2020 16:33

"It was a "sit anywhere" screening so we sat in the best seats which you can pay more for

Or

there's no real difference in the seats - why I didn't think it mattered where you sat.

Which is it op?"

I assumed (wrongly i am now very strongly informed on this thread and of course violently learned it this morning) that as this showing did not have allocated seating, it didn't matter if you sat there. I thought if they expected lots of people, there would be allocated seating and then you could choose normal or premier. Silly me. And I have already abjectly apologised. Can't do much more can I? I rarely go to the pictures as it costs a lot (partly my fault as i have 4 kids) and it wasn't obvious when I booked and wasn't written on the ticket. Sorry I misunderstood, i wasn't sure and thought it would be OK.

OP posts:
flower1994 · 17/02/2020 16:33

I don't think you were unreasonable to sit in premium seats either in an empty cinema. you would of inky been unreasonable in this situation if youd refused to move x

SimonJT · 17/02/2020 16:33

I always pay for premier seats, there is almost always someone sat in the who ‘doesn’t know’ they cost extra. As I’m not an arsehole I politely ask them to move, most do, but on the odd occasion I have had to get a member of staff.

I understand you were shocked at the assault, but if anything like that happens again please try to get yourself to a member of staff so you can report it.

flower1994 · 17/02/2020 16:34

only*

pourmorewine · 17/02/2020 16:35

You did absolutely nothing wrong op. You sat in the wrong seats in an empty cinema, you moved when this was pointed out to you.

Original poster
earlydoors42 · 17/02/2020 16:35

The premier seats are not obviously better! They're not more luxurious. Our cinema was at one time the biggest/newest in the UK (or even Europe) but that was possibly 30 years ago. They seem to have slightly higher backs but that's all. All the actual seats are the same - I have sat elsewhere for kids club. I am fairly tall and always have leg room and can always see. I have no idea why anyone would choose to pay extra when it's not a new film, likely to be packed out cinema. Sorry I misunderstood and took the amazing slightly taller seats.

OP posts:
PuppyMonkey · 17/02/2020 16:37

Ok. If they’re not more luxurious, they do usually have a better view of the screen though?

dognamedspot · 17/02/2020 16:38

Stop going on about the bloody seats people! Op was assaulted by this man. Even if she was in his seats (and it wasn't just the fact that he decided he wanted to sit there, which we don't know) he doesn't have licence to hurt her. He's lucky, some would have gone to management and asked for the police to be called.