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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aggressive man in cinema

173 replies

earlydoors42 · 17/02/2020 13:44

Just went to the pictures with my kids. It was a "sit anywhere" screening so we sat in the best seats which you can pay more for - usually nobody pays extra and anyone sits there, especially in a not busy screening like it was today.

A man & 2 boys said we were in his seats (at the end of the row) so we were moving down (the rest of the row was empty anyway - we ended up in the middle in better seats). As he went past while I was still sitting - but it was clear we were moving as my kids had already stood up, I was just gathering stuff - he hit me in my knees with his knees several times on purpose! My son saw him do it too. It actually hurt quite a bit, i have bad knees. It wasn't an accident.

AIBU to think that was unnecessary?! I accept it is wrong to sit in the premier seats, except the cinema don't care and we moved when he said we were in his seats.

OP posts:
OverUnderSidewaysDown · 17/02/2020 15:41

I would have stepped backwards hard on to his foot as I was moving. Just accidentally, of course, like his knee action.

It's the only language these dickheads understand.

HairyFloppins · 17/02/2020 15:43

Next time you fly then just go and sit up in first class even if they are empty. Same thing really.

GrassyGreen · 17/02/2020 15:45

Don't apologise, op. You have nothing to be sorry for. Even if you were in his seat. You moved. No issue.

Him assaulting you is horrendous and I am really sorry that is being minimised on here.

The internalised misogyny on mn is rife at times.

It may be worth speaking to your son about it further. The fact you didn't react (which I fully understand why you didn't) may indicate to him that women will be passive in such circumstances. Explain your shock and what you would do if it were to happen again.

izzywizzygood · 17/02/2020 15:45

OP has basically been assaulted by some idiot and all you can do is try to guilt trip her for sitting in the premier seats (in a not very full cinema). This was an unpleasant thing to happen. Can we have some perspective? Why are people angry at her and not the man? OP was polite and moved.

What makes me sad is that women, instead of sticking up for themselves in a public situation will say nothing at the time, but then come on here to offload thinking they will get support, instead they get more hassle. There's another post about breastfeeding in which the OP complains of a public situation in which she should have reacted at the time, but was silent. Why do people let d*heads get away with their behaviour?

OP! You are definitely not being unreasonable. Hope he fell over on his way home.

GrassyGreen · 17/02/2020 15:47

I'm actually shocked at how this thread has turned into you being berated about your seat choice.

Victim blaming at its finest.

You could have refused to move when he asked and that still wouldn't justify his reaction.

Vanhi · 17/02/2020 15:47

So you were in his seat?

Whatever the OP was up to, it doesn't justify aggression against her.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 17/02/2020 15:48

Even if they were his assigned seats, absolutely no need to be so horrible.

Exactly this!

Ok - OP was a bit cheeky taking a better class seat - but so what? The cinema aren't bothered, and she moved when asked - what was his problem?

Had she refused or kicked off when he said they were his (paid for) seats, then I could understand him being annoyed (but not assaulting her) - but she didn't. She and her boys got up to move.

There was no need for him to be such a git.

Izzydawg · 17/02/2020 15:49

Why are people having a go at OP for sitting in a premier seat! She moved when asked and the cinema was empty anyway
The point is this man was strange and unnecessarily nasty. Don’t understand why anyone would need to be violent when it was a simple mistake.
I’m with you OP I’m afraid I would not have known what to say and just moved but probably the best way to deal with it anyway as if he did this when you were just moving he could have done worse if you had fronted him on it

Original poster
earlydoors42 · 17/02/2020 15:51

Ha ha yes just the same as on an aeroplane. I said I won't do it again - what more can I say?! As for teaching my kids for when they go to the cinema without me - my 15 year old and 13 year olds say they always sit there. They haven't learned it from me, I just sit anywhere, it is them that wants those seats.

I couldn't say anything to him, it was really loud and happened quite fast before I could process it really. I also don't think it was worth the hassle, it would have upset me and spoiled the film - which was already an expensive outing (4 kids) even paying the standard price and was meant to be fun. Only 1 of the kids saw (he was on the very end next to me). I don't think it's worth having a go at me for not saying anything!

I should have stood on his foot but he had gone past me and I was going the other way to him!

OP posts:
Yesterdayforgotten · 17/02/2020 15:52

YABU you sit in assigned premier seats which of course somebody who has paid extra and chosen a location is going to ask you to move from. The person then walkes past and accidently knocks you and you think it's deliberate because you have been asked to move.

Original poster
earlydoors42 · 17/02/2020 15:53

Thank you so much for the flurry of supportive messages that came in while I was writing my last post. I really appreciate it! Definitely taken aback at how angry people are about the seats!

OP posts:
NurseButtercup · 17/02/2020 15:53

YANBU.

I don't understand why people are piling on and questioning you how he kneed you and why you were sat in those seats.

The cinema was EMPTY....
He was an aggressive bullying TWAT..

I'm sorry this has happened to you especially in front of your kids.

The lesson is : respond quicker next time

I would have definitely kicked him back (Sounds like you were perfectly positioned to accidentally kick him in his balls)

Original poster
earlydoors42 · 17/02/2020 15:54

No it wasn't accidental. It was clear to me and to my son.

OP posts:
Bikerider2020 · 17/02/2020 15:54

@HairyFloppins is it really like sitting in first class on and plane? Not really is it, it's a near empty cinema and it's just a chair, no champagne or caviar served!

He was totally out or order and no matter what you did he shouldn't have done that. If he wasn't happy then go get a staff member.

Original poster
earlydoors42 · 17/02/2020 15:55

Thank you! A knee in the balls would have been perfect!

OP posts:
Yesterdayforgotten · 17/02/2020 15:55

I do not agree with the man not letting you out the seat first if the was standing in front of you. I dont agree with sitting in other seats as the dearer ones can be assigned.i wouldnt like to ask somebody yo move.

MintyMabel · 17/02/2020 15:57

You didn't say anything to him at the time, what exactly are you looking for now?

Are you unreasonable to be upset that someone hurt you and you think it is on purpose?

Were you entirely unreasonable to stay in the same row in a dark practically empty theatre as a man who so aggressively hurt you to the point you were so afraid you couldn't talk to him about what he did?

Did you give a really bad example to your child in how you dealt with it?

Jarvisisgod · 17/02/2020 15:57

Can’t stand CF’s who sit where they shouldn’t because they don’t want to pay for it. Did you move your knees out of the way? I had to pass someone once and they didn’t move and they could easily have said I had knocked them aggressively when it wasn’t meant. There wasn’t much room

izzywizzygood · 17/02/2020 15:58

You can bet that the aggressor is not getting berated on some forum for bashing this lady's knees....

He got away with it...

....this is why I don't understand the silent response from woman in general... but women who are clearly upset when something does happen and want sympathy on MN.

I understand why you didn't say anything when the film was starting, but I would have said something to him afterwards.

Bizarre thing that for such an aggressive man, someone has opted to have kids with him! What a good choice of reproductive material!

Yesterdayforgotten · 17/02/2020 15:58

'Jarvisisgod

Can’t stand CF’s who sit where they shouldn’t because they don’t want to pay for it. Did you move your knees out of the way? I had to pass someone once and they didn’t move and they could easily have said I had knocked them aggressively when it wasn’t meant. There wasn’t much room.'

This ^ it irks me so bad

MintyMabel · 17/02/2020 15:58

my 15 year old and 13 year olds say they always sit there. They haven't learned it from me

They also haven't learned "no, we haven't paid for those seats, you need to sit somewhere else" from you either, have they?

Yesterdayforgotten · 17/02/2020 16:02

It's a bad example and why you often see groups of teens sitting in the more expensive seats and somebody having to ask them to move and then getting a load of lip. It's out of order and unreasonable to have to ask people to move as they shouldnt be on the seats in the first place. People go to the cinema to unwind not got confrontation because CFs are in their seats they have paid for.

Original poster
earlydoors42 · 17/02/2020 16:05

Well as nobody is ever moved from them, my kids have never been moved, I thought for the films with no seating that maybe you could sit where you want. The tickets say Row Seat . They don't say not to sit in premier seats. Sorry I got it wrong.

The film started as we were movibg and nobody else was coming in and there were 8 people total in the whole row so we weren't taking up anyone else's seats. We would have moved if we were. Sorry again!

Yes I did move my knees.

Sorry to the person who thinks I set a terrible example to my children by quietly watching an expensive film with them and not spoiling it by making a scene. Terrible terrible person I am all round eh! Glad I know that now!

OP posts:
dayswithaY · 17/02/2020 16:06

I never understand why people don't just pay for the seats they want and then sit in them. It's not like you're sitting in running water with aircraft landing over your head in the cheap seats, there's no real difference.

Still can't quite grasp the knee clash though. I keep imagining a country dancing type scenario where he was turning his body then bending his knees to connect with yours and springing back again. Like Morris dancing but without the bells.

Original poster
earlydoors42 · 17/02/2020 16:09

Try and imagine the way you would knee someone in the bollocks but doing it lower down to someone's knees. Repeatedly with alternate knees. Not like dancing.

And as you say - there's no real difference in the seats - why I didn't think it mattered where you sat. I thought it was more to guarantee a good view when Star Wars came out or something. I know now and won't do it again. Is that ok with everyone or want to have a go at me a bit more?

OP posts: