To be this upset over Caroline Flack?

[RA890]

I just can't stop thinking about it. Has really knocked me sideways. Been sort of just floating around feeling weird about it all weekend.

Anyone else??

I have never suffered from depression or mental health issues so I find it impossible to answer that question.

The only thing I can say is that if you are suffering head injuries from your partner, then there is an issue.

However big or small. Oh look. It’s only small. I am incredulous about that.

Completely agree Bool and others, it has really bothered me to see the photos of her boyfriend showing his scalp and the Sun/Mail and others trying to minimise what happened. What difference does it make what his wound looks like? According to his call to Police she hit him with a lamp while he was sleeping - that can't be minimised, it is shocking and deranged.

After all the attempts to try to get DV taken serious for the crime it is, this seems like a massive step backwards.

And, as MorganKitten pointed out, suicide is often very close to the surface with perpetrators of DV - either used as a threat to control or carried out after killing/attempting to kill their partner. There's been an absolutely horrific example in Australia today.

@ritzbiscuits Glad you are safe now. I know exactly how you feel. The perpetrator of the DV in my relationship was female and following this case has really brought it all back. I managed to finally escape and have no idea if my ex ever followed through her threat of suicide but it was frequently threatened. It’s the final and ultimate act of control against a DV survivor.

@TheMaskedTulip how awful 💐

We have to remember that we have heard half of a story the other half of the story has been filled in by the media who are renowned for exaggerating and lying to sell stories. The public should never even have been made aware of this incident until or if Caroline was ever proven guilty.

I do think if the incident was kept private until the court date Caroline wouldn't have killed herself and would have potentially been punished for her crime (if what has been alleged is true). Either way it's a tragedy that shouldn't have been allowed to happen. I feel so much for her family and friends.

@Microdot I complete agree. Remember the saying ‘rule of thumb’? In days past it was okay to beat your wife as long as the weapon was no thicker than the husbands thumb. The photos and comments of the wounds today remind me of that saying. “Oh it’s nothing”, “only a tiny scratch”... etc. Like that justifies the abuse. As you say it’s a step backwards, and surviving DV it sickens me.

What i cant understand is how the photos of the bedroom and the sheets etc got into the public domain in the first place.

@ritzbiscuits I’m okay now thanks. I’ve settled and married a wonderful woman. If anything it taught me that at the first sign or inclination of DV just leave. It’s simply not worth staying in an abusive relationship as it escalates.

if she was a man all the pundits'd be lining up disowning her and there'd be no sympathy for any mental illness

The public should never even have been made aware of this incident until or if Caroline was ever proven guilty.

But that's not how the system works biscuits - an ordinary person wouldn't be given that priviledge so why should she? Of course there was far more publicity because a celebrity was involved but that is an unfortunate downside of being well-known

@Microdot I know that isn't how the system works unfortunately but I think there needs to be new laws in place to protect these people. Not just for celebrities but for ordinary people like me and you as well.

• I don't understand why people in the public eye dont' employ someone to filter news headlines/ twitter comments / email etc. Surely they already have staff who assist in their working lives.

It's not easy to see newspaper headlines unless you go to look for them.
I would have thought you'd have a very private email address / twitter name for friends only rather than just a public one where you see what the rabble has to say*

I’ve often wondered this and did in relation to Harry and Meghan. Can’t you just not read it?!

@PianoTuner567 Indeed. Where were all these negative articles about her anyway?

@PianoTuner567 I think in many cases they are addicted to it. What people say or think about them and they take everything to heart.

That will especially be the cases for reality based contestants. I was listening to a radio 4 programme a while back about the topic. They often come from difficult backgrounds and seek fame to get themselves out of a situation. They are fame seekers and obsessed with what the media is saying about them.

I know that isn't how the system works unfortunately but I think there needs to be new laws in place to protect these people. Not just for celebrities but for ordinary people like me and you as well

Agreed. I've always said that nobody should be named by the media until they have been found guilty. Rather than trial by the Daily Mail and social media.

@MorganKitten sorry, I missed this last night. Yeah it's a natural instinct to protect, isn't it. It takes time to detach and see things objectively and you can't keep the weight on your shoulders. Do you keep in contact with ex?

I don't know, maybe she should have been sectioned. I don't really know anything about her mental health condition.

There was a thread very recently on MN with someone saying they couldn't help feeling jealous of people with money. Everyone said you never know what goes on behind closed doors. Some people dismissed that as just jealousy. I think CF is a classic example of how money isn't the answer to everything. As someone upthread said, 6 months ago I would have assumed she had it all- wealth, success, glittering career, looks, lovely boyfriend etc
Look at the situation now. Its very sobering and really emphasises the importance of mental health over material possessions.

I find all this fuss about CF utterly disingenuous and ridiculous. People do commit suicide every day, which is fucking tragic I agree, but this ghoulish raking over of her life and breast-beating by her friends and family is vile. Where the fuck were all these people who claim she was let down when she was alive? If they were such great friends then they were the ones who should've been there (and I know that some of her friends were and a friend was staying with her at the time).

I also agree that if she was a man then the narrative would be totally different. Good looking guy with great job on high profile show has a drink problem, depression and behind closed doors has attacked at least two girlfriends and dated someone who was 17 when he was 32? Precisely no one would be saying how vulnerable he was and how it's outrageous that he didn't get more help and that prosecuting him for an attack on his partner would be 'a show trial' and that her wanting to withdraw the allegation that he was trying to kill her makes him innocent of anything. The whole thing is disgusting. Yes, it's sad that she took her own life at only 40, but she wasn't this saintly person that everyone is suddenly making her out to be.

I feel exactly the same OP. I have never been so affected by a celebrity's death before but I cannot stop thinking about her. I think it was because she was so vivacious and had so much more to give and also the way she died. Caroline had so much love and support from friends and family. I keep thinking what must she have been feeling and doing in those last moments. To feel so broken and lost that the only answer is to hang yourself.

I dont get the outpouring of grief.
There are some real tragedies in this world, sorry to get all Bono on this, but I read an article about a child being thrown out of his village for being a 'witch' at the age of 2 in Nigeria. That made me sad, broke my heart for the little boy. Left to fend for himself, doesn't bear thinking about.
A person killing themselves that I didnt know, who is potentially abusive (look at what Andrew Brady said about her as well as the latest incident).
It's sad, the whole thing is sad, but I FEEL more for the African boy and that stays with me and that affected me.

Some of you people on here really need to get a grip and have a word with yourselves. Honestly. If the roles were reversed and it was a man whom had committed these allegations before topping himself I’m sure your narratives would be the complete opposite. Good grief you are turning back time on all progress made with regards to DV.

I found her death very complicated to process.

Initially I thought how awful, her poor family, the press have blood on their hands.

Then I thought, well actually she is abusive. Her age and sex are irrelevant. Her partner rang the police thinking she was going to kill him.

Then yesterday I saw her post that her mom released, the blood in that infamous picture was her blood. Twitter started speculating that she cut herself with the glass of the light bulb 🤷🏻‍♀️

Couple of friends tributes have been very interesting. All alluding that she had undiagnosed mental health condition and all mention that she was drunk. This is very troubling. Perhaps it was a horrific accident. Perhaps she was so drunk she stumbled, the lamp cracked him on the head, she tried to pick up lamp and ended up hurting herself. Or perhaps she cut herself purposefully in front of him.

Either way she sounded like a very ill lady who needed help.

I feel so sorry for her family and friends. But I don’t think of her as a victim.

At the end of the day the only thing hounding CF was her internal demons, of which, as a mature 40 year old woman, she should have been seeking professional help. Not running around town chasing, and allegedly abusing, young men.