If you can be anything, be kind....

[BeAnythingBeKind]

Its such a simple thing, and can make all the difference.

We are all guilty of it, me included, So instead of making negative comments about the work colleagues, fellow school mum's, stranger on the bus...Say something kind, you never know, it could just make all the difference. No-one really knows what people are going through.

Anyone who wants to vent/talk/cry....Please feel free to let rip here, It's OK not to feel OK

The irony is people I know sharing the #bekind thread when they are people who make others lives miserable with their bitching and mithering

I used to be a twat although apparently not as much of a twat as I thought I was (class reunion the other week, apparently I was a good person way back when). As I've matured I've become not just kinder, but kind. It's easy to be kind so why on earth would any of us with even a smidgen of decency not go for it, have a chat with a stranger who looks a bit lonely, be nice to the cashier in the supermarket/shop, just small things that cost nothing and can make someone's day a bit better. It's also a gift that gives back. It's hard not to feel better about yourself when you've done the kind thing.

That said I am not kind to myself and I'm still working on it. Not very hard, but I it's on my list.

Gawd, I posted on this thread and had no idea where the be kind thing came from... I'm not on FB, and had to work out who the late Caroline Flack was.feel a bit of a twit now.

@ClementineWardobe we are two then , I'm foreign (don't know your celebs) and not on sm. I just like the idea of trying to brighten someone's day.

The love in your heart wasn’t put there to stay - love isn’t love till you give it away.
—anonymous

@madambee thank you! I feel a bit less daft! I try to do something every day to help someone or put something positive and helpful online, even if its small. My post was in support of what seemed just a positive thread to start.

It seems quite sad that a meme which is to basically remind us not to be arseholes if we can help it, needs SUCH a level of debate.

Lots of people are annoyed with it because some people spreading it around aren't all that nice. They might be being hypocrites but if you aren't a hypocrite, then why wouldn't we want a reminder to think about others a bit more? It's hardly offensive.

The fact that a positive meme has caused so much discussion and discord says something. I can't work out what it is, other than people being desperate to see the negative in everything. Which kind of proves the point of the meme. The annoyance about it baffles me

I find it annoying because it’s patronising. It’s the sort of thing you would say to a child. Of course reasonable adults should be kind when going about their everyday life. Would be like me saying to dh “look both ways before you cross the road”

I do.agree that all adults should know to be kind. But they aren't. So need reminding.

I also took the full quote to mean something a little different: "In a world where you can be anything, be kind". To me, that reads as people have all manner of aspirations and choices open to them in life. But the most important one, is to be kind. Almost like 'make that your number one ambition'. I think that's a pretty important message.

I agree. I run a business of 200 people and one of my rules with my leadership team is that we are nice to people. You would be amazed how many eyebrows get raised at this.

Lots of people are annoyed with it because some people spreading it around aren't all that nice. They might be being hypocrites but if you aren't a hypocrite, then why wouldn't we want a reminder to think about others a bit more? It's hardly offensive.

Again totally missing the point. Let me start by saying I make no judgment on wether CF was abusive or not. I dont know.

If you are posting 'be kind', while also posting it can not be abuse because the alleged victim loves her and didnt want a prosecution and didnt split up with her, you are not being kind. It's not about hypocrisy.

It's about thinking your are being kind to the memory of CF whilst telling people that if they live their abuser, worry about their abusers MH or do not immediately leave it's not abuse. You are denying that vulnerable abused people are not abused because they are not acting like you think they should.

In the pursuit of being kind to the memory of someone, you are being utterly unkind and an arsehole to vulnerable people.

That's the issue. It's not the hypocrisy. It's the fact that lots of people posting this are being are using it as a chance to be distinctly unkind.

As an abuse victim it's made me feel sick the amount of people who I know personally, who dont think I was abused because I stayed for a while. My exh ended up having a breakdown and I worried he would end up worse if I left. I hated what he did but also lived him and wanted him to be safe.

Seeing people post that it wasnt abuse because I loved him and worried about him, is sickening.

That's the issue. Be kind, means nothing. Dont be an arsehole who be a much better idea. Or stop being an arsehole to one group of people in pursuit if being kind to someone else.

What's the point if being kind to one person, while being a dick to a group of vulnerable people?

It’s massively emphasised in schools and kids treated much more gently at primary anyway than we were but oddly this doesn’t seem to be leading to an upping of kindness in society generally. I admit seeing this message grates to me - its cringey. Understand teens sharing it but grown adults seems odd to me

The be kind message in schools is often terribly communicated.

My daughter ended up bullied by a boy who had a bad home life, because she kept being told to be kind. It's a long story involving us moving her school and them him being kicked out of the school and being moved to hers.

It ended up with her being hospitalised and him being charged with assault when he was 11.

I often find that by the time kids get to high school they are fed up of being told to be kind at their own expense.

It's about thinking your are being kind to the memory of CF whilst telling people that if they live their abuser, worry about their abusers MH or do not immediately leave it's not abuse. You are denying that vulnerable abused people are not abused because they are not acting like you think they should

No, that's what YOU are saying that it's about FOR YOU. Not everyone is saying that abuse is ok and should be whitewashed, I'm certainly not. I am simply talking about the quote itself and whether it's a good or a bad meme. As is the OP. The OP makes no mention of the alleged abuse.

You are focusing, totally understandably, on the abuse as it is close to home for you. But that doesn't mean that we all are. Some of us think that what CF is alleged to have done is appalling, and that being kind doesn't mean saying abuse is ok, or that it's not abuse if you dont leave.

Its two separate issues that are being conflated: whether or not the meme itself is ok AND whether it's unkind to dismiss allegations of abuse because the victim supports their abuser. The OP was about the former, not the latter. So it isn't "missing the point" to not discuss the latter.

And anyone who shares the meme AND says it isn't abuse because the victim stayed, is both a raging hypocrite and really needs educating about abuse. They are being unkind to abuse victims.

BUT, that doesn't mean the meme itself is wrong, but that it is being shared by some real hypocritical pillocks, IYSWIM.

I am so sorry about your abuse @Kirkman

No it's about what people are using it for.

Most people dont need to be told not be an arsehole. The meme is pointless because it doesnt point out the nuances.

So people are being kind by being dicks someone else because a meme told them to be kind.

Being kind is more complicated. If you are bing kind to one person and shitting on others, it's not kind. Being kind to someone to the point you are enabling poor behaviour, isnt kind.

It's a meaningless platitudes that people are latching onto virtue signal.

Life isnt black and white, being kind isnt good advice.

I will stick with 'dont be an arsehole'

I think it’s a good reminder for us all

What cola bottles said , we now have a world where cruelty is spread very quickly and very Anonymously

"Be kind" on its own IS a platitude. Preceeded by "In a world in which you can be anything", it takes on a totally different meaning. Its about putting personal integrity and how we treat others above materialistic ambition. I don't think that it a bad message in any way.

At my son's school they have everyday awards that are written into their record and signed by the headmaster.
They are called character commendations and are for everyday acts of kindness.
Not raising £10,000 for charity, but for when a child is caught being nice for no reason. Stopping to help another kid who's dropped their books. Letting someone in a hurry go ahead of them in line. Just kindness and consideration.
For instance, a boy got one when a teacher spotted him giving his tracksuit jacket to a girl from another school who was sitting at the side of the track completely done in, at a cross country event. It was cold and raining, so he took it off, put it around her and ran on. (She gave it back at the finish line when she finally crossed it). He didn't know her.. it was just one human to another.
No song and dance, or hand shaking. He was caught being nice by a teacher who spotted the event and wrote him up.

It made simple acts of kindness a reward in itself.
What a great life skill lesson.

@Stifledlife they do the same at my daughter's school too. It's so wonderful to see the kids being considerate and thoughtful to each other. Practical kindness in action.

Agree with being kind, but I didn't feel like it on Monday. A friend who has gone alcoholic and sexually harassed me sent me a text saying he was going to kill himself. I knew it was just attention seeking.

I didn't contact him just phoned for an ambulance to go to him. And of course, he wasn't suicidal.

Being kind means being compassionate whenever possible but not always at your own expense. Kindness also applies to looking after ourselves. Sometimes you have to draw the line if people are taking the p*ss. Also kindness is not always a fluffy comment - sometimes its being honest or acting in the best interest of the person even if its not the easiest path.

Being considerate of others generally is a good plan for the world working more smoothly though, I'll definitely give you that OP.

Reading a wartime diary by a woman (Nella Last), there have always been selfish people and those who go out of their way to help.

However, in this 24/7 world of social media, there is more chance for things to feel amplified.

I think its good to remind kids, people generally, actually we don't matter that much - a social media storm will pass, and it will be someone else next week. We are just one in the crowd. I do wonder if people who seek fame and publicity are more prone to thinking they are at the front of peoples lives and thoughts all the time, when most people are more concerned about the next gas bill, or what to make for tea. Not belittling people, just that it all gets distorted and magnified and not in a good way. Makes me think of the Snow Queen.

'The devil made a mirror that had the property of reducing everything good and beautiful that was reflected in it look bad... the best of people turned ugly, their faces became so distorted that they were unrecognisable. It was most amusing, ‘the devil’ said, his ingenious invention. The devil tried to take it to heaven but it shook so violently crashed down onto the ground, where it shattered into hundreds of millions, and even more pieces and some of the pieces were scarcely as big as a grain of sand, and these flew all over the world, and wherever they got into people’s eyes, they stayed put and then those people saw everything wrong, or only had eyes for what was bad about something'

Social media is just a tool though, and we can use it for good - lots of help and advice groups very active on their, for children with disabilities, mental health and so on. It can be a profoundly kind and supportive place.

I have to say I actually didn't know who this poor lass was - had never heard of her - until the news broke this week.

@Frownette But that was kind. You were kind to yourself by keeping yourself safe and maintaining your boundaries. And you were kind to him by getting him the care he would have needed if he had been suicidal, despite the terrible things he has done to you. You were kind, classy and acted with self respect. I wish I was as together as that!

@KisstheTeapot14 that's an amazing post.

Why thank you, SirChing, very kind of you to say.

Just rambling on as usual though!

It's a good Mumsnet topic, worth us all musing about.