If you can be anything, be kind....

[BeAnythingBeKind]

Its such a simple thing, and can make all the difference.

We are all guilty of it, me included, So instead of making negative comments about the work colleagues, fellow school mum's, stranger on the bus...Say something kind, you never know, it could just make all the difference. No-one really knows what people are going through.

Anyone who wants to vent/talk/cry....Please feel free to let rip here, It's OK not to feel OK

"Those that kill or threaten others? You wouldn’t be kind to someone who did this? Would you not assume they were mentally unwell?"
Not all people who do this are mentally unwell. Some are just plain nasty. It's hard to be kind to someone who is attacking you surely?

Casting my eye over mainstream and social media over the past few days, this is what I've learned:-

There has been a disproportionate knee jerk reaction to celebrity suicide. Petitions calling for 'Caroline's Law' are ill judged and display astonishing ignorance of how the law actually operates in the real (as opposed to the fantasy social media) world.

The worst aspect of social media is that it fuels the click bait mentality; hold your hand up if you've NEVER clicked on celebrity gossip or read a red top newspaper. Gossip makes celebrities; remember the old saying 'no news, is bad news'? If you object to it don't subscribe to it. Circulation stats matter.

Attacking the CPS is despicable. It's made up of individuals doing a pretty thankless job. Is it 'kind' to rip into them? The details of the charges and the evidence on which they were proceeding aren't in the public domain, for very good reasons. How can people justify their own sanctimonious judgement of the police, prosecutors and yes, even the broadsheet press, for just stating facts or doing their jobs? Isn't that a perfect example of the pot calling the kettle?

The repeating and reposting of the 'be kind' mantra is virtue signalling of the first order. Witness the number of posters here and elsewhere calling out those using it for their real life behaviour, behaviour that's diametrically opposed to their real life actions. At its best and worst, repetitive posting of the 'heartbreak' you've suffered at the death of someone you've never met is vacuous nonsense; it's not about Caroline Flack, her family or friends. It's all about you.

Speculation about her death helps no one, least of all her poor family. Be kind and stop it now.

Oh and learn the difference between empathy and sympathy!

The trouble with social media is that it's impossible to have a presence & promote yourself on there without attracting some form of criticism.

In some cases the criticism is deserved so what then?

Also all a bit ironic that if at the very beginning CF had been a bit kinder then the police would not have had to get involved and we would not be where we are now. Call me unkind but I'm not two faced.

I think sometime the criticism is deliberately courted, in the spirit of there's no such thing as bad publicity. Mainly though,as PP says, by being "kind" to Caroline, you're being quite unkind to other people who were just doing their jobs.

I wonder if CF had been a man if there would have been the same knee jerk reaction.

Look at all the recent threads about Philip Schofield with all sorts of allegations. Some of that wasn't kind but should we not discuss it when we know that money & fame protects people eg Jimmy Saville, Epstein, Harvey Weinstein (not comparing PS to these).

Take Philip Green for example with his super injunction & all the press hassle he received & shaming he received about the BHS pensions. If he had been kind in the first place there wouldn't have been the bad press in the first place.

Isn't saying "be kind" to someone, like what you say to a toddler? It's like talking down to people. Why are we speaking to each other like this? It is virtue signalling.

Am not a fan of the way this is being bandied about SM especially by people who are normally borderline bullies, but the sentiment is important in essence.

I went on a tourist visit to a Buddhist monastery years ago and they talked to us about the importance of actions, words, and even thoughts and that really stayed with me. If I am slipping into being "judgey" or mean even in my head I make a big effort to self-check. My outlook has improved so much and my empathy

I’m so tired of hearing this now, it’s like the new YOLO. So cringe.

Would everyone be so kind about a man who was accused of DV and ended it all rather than face due process?

The situation is very sad and on the surface seems odd, that prosecutors would continue when the complaint was withdrawn but they are real people too, imagine how it feels to be blamed for someone's death, is that kind? We don't know the facts they were working with. Maybe the prosecutors should be kinder? To the suspected perpetrator? To the victim? To other victims scared to come forward because of what's gone before?

So what is kindness and how do you choose which "side" to be kind to?

People have compared PS to JS on MN. They are doing the same to him as was done to CF, even using her as an excuse. It’s gossip, gossip, gossip based on very little as there hasn’t been a trial or conviction for either.

Hypocrisy at its worse.

Then you get the fact that if a man had allegedly hit his partner with a lamp and took their own life whilst waiting trial nobody would give a shit.

People have compared PS to JS on MN. They are doing the same to him as was done to CF, even using her as an excuse. It’s gossip, gossip, gossip based on very little as there hasn’t been a trial or conviction for either.

Unfortunately this is such a grey area. Jimmy S wasn't convicted of anything or ever on trial but would all the allegations have come out after his death if there wasn't gossip?

There was gossip for years that Harvey W & Kevin Spacey were dodgy. Is that gossip ok because it was correct? How do you police it?

I give up.

PS has only come out as gay yet the MN vultures are trying to paint him as the new JS on the basis of what? Gossip.

Yeah really kind.

Sooo gossip about CF not ok, gossip about PS ok.

Hypocrisy.

Telling men to be kind - fine. They need told, they commit 98% of violent crime.
Telling women to be kind - accept sexism and oppression, don’t fight for your rights, just allow men to walk all over you. Not fine.
I’d rather you told women to be more assertive!

Babdoc, that's ridiculous, especially as the kindness being talked about here is not to avoid violent crime but the kind of on-line abuse that IME is my no means limited to men.

But that's a classic example, should I be kind to Babdoc and not point out the ridiculousness, letting her insult the entire male population?

@TabbyMumz I have always thought "When they go low, you go high" means when others are behaving badly, you should behave well (even if they are behaving badly to you specifically). I could be wrong though.

I'm so glad I don't bother with SM. I love MN as I really like seeing all the different views and perspectives on everything, it's endlessly fascinating and people are generally truthful with their opinions (possibly). But social media is all veneer and people hiding behind masks. The people who post memes like this are often the ones who either deliberately bitch about others or are generally so thoughtless that they often crush other people but don't actually realise it.

A lot of people will be mean to another person, but it's okay. Because they don't like that person, as they're weird/poor/foreign or otherwise "not one of us". I don't believe for a minute posting a meme will change anything about their behaviour, they're just drawing attention to themselves. I agree with a PP who said they'll have forgotten it and moved on in due course. (Unlike genuinely considerate people, who'll just go on being considerate without blowing their own trumpet about it.)

That's my point though, do we just say all gossip is wrong?

Another one doing the round today is "you'll never regret being kind".

Is that true? I know someone who sent money to help her overseas boyfriend pay medical bills.....

I'm not sharing "be kind".

I'd like to think I'm a kind person. I hold doors open for others, I thank people holding doors open. I do a lot of voluntary work with different youth groups. I worked in a caring profession. I don't get engrossed in celebrity gossip (I don't stay totally ignorant of it, more follow a mainstream headline just so that I'm aware of what's happening in the world; I hadn't really heard of CF until the assault charges were lead stories on the news). I'm not a yes wo/man that follows the pack, my aim is to politely state a point of view but not get personal.

I do tell my children to be kind to some extent, but the world is more complex than that. They need to learn filters (particularly my ASD son who will believe that he is making a factual observation that could easily be misinterpereted as a judgement. But be kind is not enough. When he made an observation about the international athlete on TV the other week, he was not intending to be unkind, he needs to know the nuance of not stating the obvious and why if he made that observation to that person, they could be offended. My DCs (so far...) have good friendships and don't get embroiled in classroom politics.

Sometimes there is no simple kind answer. If I encounter an apparently homeless person begging, am I kind to give them money that they spend on food or drugs to ease the pain of existing (could that be the dose the ODs them? I'd be funding vile criminal activity anyway). Am I kind to give money to a charity or is that in danger of being sanctimonious? Do I attempt to talk to a stranger who may simply be down on their luck in a tough set of circumstances or risk a torrent of alcohol/ drug fuelled abuse? Or do I preserve myself from these dilemmas and walk on.

Be kind is too simple and blunt. While I want my DCs to be kind in character, they need personal boundaries. Be kind is being used as a censorship and shut down duscussion. Trolling and personal abuse are disgusting, but intelligent, critical debate should not be shut down either. It is fair to have reasoned discussions with legal public knowledge over issues such as domestic abuse (and different attitudes towards the sex of the perpetrator/ victim) particularly if it is more generalised than focused on specific individuals.

There is a need for more kindness and less trolls. But we also need personal boundaries and critical discussion. If we genuinely care about mental health, at a low level, we need kindness to the self and self care, realistic expectations of others and more formalised support for people in greater need. Humanity loves the idea of a quick fix, but all too often there isn't one avaliable.

great post @ShinyGiratina

Elder Babdoc has similar pointed out a verified fact. Why do you think that's insulting to all men?

Babdoc also has a point about women always needing to be kind and put up with it. Womens rights and our privacy and dignity are currently under attack by a group of men. This has been enabled by women 'being kind' to the point that we can no longer define ourselves by our biology.