36 year old man never had long term relationship

[Mayplesyrup]

I’m a single mum of 2, recently got chatting to someone online who I really click with, seen his FB etc, BUT, he’s 36 and never had a long term relationship, longest is 12 months. AIBU thinking this is a bit weird or there’s something wrong with him???
He’s said it’s because he’s never really met anyone who it’s gone long term with/been a proper connection.

Sounds like my brother, army and also autistic made it difficult, he has been married for 15 years now.

It would worry me too

He has had relationships, just not long-term ones. I don't think it's an immediate red flag - slowly get to know him and work out what he's like. It's not something that should equal an automatic 'no'.

It depends. I can think of a few scenarios where YANBU and others where YABU. I’d continue chatting and meet up but be a bit more aware of any warning signs about why it’s not going to go anywhere (assuming you are looking for a LTR).

I'm going to go against grain here before most posts who will go opposite way. but why you think there is something wrong with him.

Why you think there is something wrong with him what's different to a guy in a club.

You have had a failed relationship which resulted in kids he hasn't I'm not saying he's better than you buy he's worth meeting.

Some guys have have been given a chance

DH was 34 when we met and had only had one long term relationship of about a year.

He's quite introverted and enjoys his own company, also running a family business had meant he had very little free time so hadn't really had time to socialise/pursue a relationship.

We've been together for 30 years, happily married for 25 years.

Sounds like me except I’m female. I wanted to marry my ex (12 month long relationship) but he didn’t want marriage or children. Apart from that, I’m shy and no one else ever gave me a chance. I was chronically bullied by boys growing up and thought no one would want me. I guess it became a self fulfilling prophecy.

Give him a chance. If it doesn’t work out, it doesn’t work out but it is very possible to be a good person and good relationship material but never having had the opportunity for anything long term.

I genuinely didn’t meet anyone I felt I wanted to commit to long term until I was in my late 30s. Other than that I’m perfectly normal. Well as far as I’ve been told ! Been with DH 8 years now and have a 5 year old daughter .

Get to know him, see how it goes

Probably because every time he meets someone he likes they reject him because he has never had a long term relationship

Thanks everyone, just can’t help but think there MUST be something wrong with him?! He’s got a decent job, owns his own house, doesn’t drink or do drugs, doting uncles to nieces and nephews, says he hates that everyone close to him has settled down and he hasn’t. Just can’t help but think well if no one has wanted a long term relationship with him something must be off?

Yeah, I have to admit @FarTooSkinny it’s attitudes like the OPs which put me off trying online dating. I think once guys know I’ve not had many boyfriends they too will think there is “something wrong with me” or that I am “weird”. I have other great long term relationships in my life with lovely friendships, close to family that are in this country etc. I’ve shown commitment and love in other ways. I am a really good catch but it does feel like there is prejudice against people who aren’t massively experienced romantically.

"running a family business had meant he had very little free time so hadn't really had time to socialise/pursue a relationship. "

I would see not having any free time as even more of a red flag!
I've older than this guy and have never been in a ltr. I have some friends in a similar situation and to be honest, we do have problems.

My son never had a long term relationship until he met his now wife when they were both 29. Married a couple of years later. I just think he waited until he met what he thought was the one person he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. Up until then, he enjoyed socialising with friends but didn’t want complicated relationships and ‘playing games.’ He’s quite an uncomplicated person and actually makes a lovely partner.

My DH (40) had not had any long term relationship before me I think, due mainly to lack of confidence I think. But he is the most fantastic man and we've been together over a decade now. And tbh neither of us cared about each others past too much.

Maybe he just isn't a sheep and is happier to wait for the right person rather than be in a LTR just for the sake of it? I would actually find this quite an interesting fact in meeting someone knew.

My DH was like this.

He is very shy. He is also a bit short.

He is also the love of my life, my best friend and devoted father of my children.

It's not a red flag

He could be the one, you never know! He's possibly cautious which is a good thing. It's strange the way people judge: he's weird for not having a long term relationship under his belt, yet people who jump into one relationship after another, or people who have kids with someone they haven't got to know well enough and then break up when the kids are young, are not deemed weird. He sounds pretty straightforward in a good way to be honest! Before I met my OH, my red flag/avoid at all costs used to be men who had separated with a young kid/s - I thought it reeked of a disruptive and unstable, selfish personality.

My father had never had a girlfriend before he met and married my mother (50 years ago - he was 30, she was 22 and had had plenty of previous boyfriends. They are still married).

My brother had never had a girlfriend til he was 36. He met his wife, got married, had children, still married twenty years later. Both couples look happy from the outside.

Depending on the reasons, it's not a red flag in and of itself. Been inside doing 25-life, no. Hasn't met the right person? No issue.

Lucky he's not a judgemental twat about you being divorced with a child, eh?

I've got a friend exactly the same. He's a good guy, he's just not met anyone who he really clicked with. He's got a good job and travels a lot for pleasure and he said he's found that most women he's met want to settle down and while he wants a long term relationship he wants to keep travelling.

So there's probably nothing wrong with this guy, he's just not met anyone he's really into. Everyone has baggage his is just not past relationships 🤷‍♀️

I would go cautiously OP and play it by ear. It could be that life and circumstances have simply gotten in the way or that he hasn't seen a need for a long term romantic relationship until now but equally it could be that he has some undesirable behaviours which aren't immediately apparent. Whichever it is you will only know one way or the other once you've spent some more time getting to know him.

I once dated someone who had never had a long term relationship and within a month or two it quickly became apparent that this was due to him being a controlling, manipulative man child. Shockingly, twenty years later, he is still single and unable to form a long term relationship. He contacted a friend on POF and she was thrilled to have met someone local to us. I told her about my experiences with him and she decided not to take things further with him.

He might just have been unlucky? Realistically you should know within a year whether a relationship is going somewhere or not. If you don’t meet the right person you end it so that no one looses more time. I’d be far more concerned by someone who had had a pattern of having lots of longer term relationships to be really honest.

This was my DP, he's just a bit uncomfortable with people and not necessarily weird.

It's not that unusual anymore. I know so many people in their thirties who have never lived with a partner or gotten past casual dating. The Internet and texting have changed how we interact.

I had one semi-serious relationship in my twenties for about a year, then was single for a decade because I didn't fancy anyone enough.