36 year old man never had long term relationship

[Mayplesyrup]

I’m a single mum of 2, recently got chatting to someone online who I really click with, seen his FB etc, BUT, he’s 36 and never had a long term relationship, longest is 12 months. AIBU thinking this is a bit weird or there’s something wrong with him???
He’s said it’s because he’s never really met anyone who it’s gone long term with/been a proper connection.

Maybe he thinks there is something wrong with YOU because you couldn't make it work with the father of your children. Goes both ways really doesn't it.

Either give him a chance or stop wasting his time.

My best mate was 23 and a single mum with a 5 year old daughter when she met her (now) husband ... he was 36, living at home with his parents and had had short term relationships. Two children and 12 years on and they are the most sickingly in love pair I know ... we all have a back story, give him a fair chance ... x

Im trying to date a lady who has kids so is more experienced than me . I'm not that experienced do t get me wrong I've had a few flings.

What people miss out with people like me is these guys won't cheat they live to please or that's just me just give him a chance ad I hope people will with me

I guess it depends on the guy and why he’s never had a longterm relationship.

My partner hadn’t had an LTR until he met me but this wasn’t an issue for me and didn’t even occur to me until right this second that it was a problem... it’s worked out ok though and we’re happy.

I met my DP when I was 27 and he was 35. We’d both dated and been with people but hadn’t lived with anyone or had serious relationships. It’s been lovely sharing things like buying our first home, now having our first child together (5 years later). He’s my best friend and an amazing man, just hadn’t met anyone that he really clicked with before.

A bit of an amber flag I suppose, but he ticks enough other boxes then I certainly wouldn't see it as a deal breaker. There's always that little bit more compromise needed once you on the 'second hand market'.

*IF he ticks enough other boxes

DH's friend didn't have a serious girlfriend until he was over 35. Lovely chap, just very shy and hadn't met the right person. Finally met a divorcee with a teenage son a and they got together - she made the first move. Been together for over ten years and married for two, seem very, very happy. I don't think it's necessarily a red flag if everything else is ok.

The thing is, you have to look at the other side, he might be scared with relationships you you have had.

I met my DP when he was 38 on Tinder, he had never had a long term relationship or lived with a woman before. There's nothing up with him that I have found so far and we have 2 kids now, he also said he just hadn't met the right person

@lauren83

Good on him im fearing it's allwrongwith me

Why should there be red flags? I’m in my 40s and never been in a a relationship. Not due to not wanting to be in one or there is anything wrong with me. I just never met the right person. Anyone i was interested in never wanted to know. I’ve been friend zoned all my life. As time goes on it just chips away at your confidence to the point you get it in your head that there is something wrong with you. I’m not fussy. I certainly do not have a tick list. Just wish someone would give me a chance. So OP give this poor sod a chance. You never know. Could be the best decision you make.

My DH was 37 when we met and had never had a long term relationship - well one lasted
over 2 years but was long distance and don’t think they saw much of each other.

He’s not weird, maybe lacking in confidence but he’s a good, kind, decent and honest man and he makes me very happy. I trust him with my life, and I’d had enough ‘experience’ and enough knocks to think I wasn’t ever going to trust someone again. He also has good relationships with his family and lots of close friends who think the world of him so I knew he was capable of being a good partner too, he just hadn’t met anyone it worked out with before me.

21:00dramaqueenforlife best post ever

I am exactly the same dramaqueenforlife. Perhaps there are a few of us about. I'm afraid to say, I finally gave up and had a child by myself and since doing so finally feel at peace, I guess a relationship just wasn't meant to be but it doesn't mean life can't be fulfilling in other ways!

I'm soon going to a wedding of a woman who at the age of 35 had never had a relationship. She met a guy and within 2 years they have a house, child, 2nd on the way and a wedding coming up.

I know at least 3 similar stories. They never had relationship and boom they found someone and that was it for them. On it's own it is not a red flag, to me it says that they are not afraid to be on their own and won't settle with just 'anyone'.

I find it more concerning when people haven't had any time at all being single. Some people bounce from relationship to relationship because they can't stand their own company.

Well there's only one way to find out. Maybe he is your destiny but you will never know if you don't give him a chance.

Thanks @HeresMe

@TakemedowntoPotatoCity good for you for having a child and getting what you want!

@Rezie there are plenty of people that have never had relationships. Doesn’t make us lepers.

Love all the psychologists out there who try to over analyse everything.

To be honest I think it bothers other people more than it bothers me/person who has not been in a LTR or relationship.

Get over it people. We have!!

Oh and @Daftodil 100% agree!!

Best to not assume and generalise. My husband was 39 when we met and had never had a long term relationship...he had always wanted one though. He is a shy and rather geeky man who had a couple of women cheat on him when younger and that made him even more shy. Their loss as he is a wonderful, kind, gentle and caring husband and father and if I’d believed “there MUST be something wrong with him” I would have lost out on a loving marriage.

My current bf is much older and had never been in a relationship either.
He's not perfect and not exactly a beauty, but he is kind, easy going, respectful, caring and affectionate.
I suspected knew he liked me for ages and it took months of going out as friends for him to muster the courage to make a move. I suspect he may have missed a few chances by being so slow and oblivious to signs.

After a bad marriage, I definitely appreciate a good man.

I think if he is very shy or very niche interests maybe it's understandable. Of you can figure out why it might be then that would help reassure you I think.

Personally I think it's v strange and would be hugely put off. Do you want to be the one to have to teach him how healthy relationships work? Most people 'learn' that stuff in their early-mid twenties.

Also that the two close friends I've had who have been long term single and not had serious relationships at approx 30ish, were actually nightmares. Both friendships fizzled out because I couldn't stand to be around them any more. Lots of awkward chats about why they were still single where me/other friends would try to be supportive but deep down were thinking 'because you're really demanding and not actually very nice??'.

"had never been in a relationship either"

But the man OP is talking about has been in relationships. Its just the longest has been a year. A year seems fairly long term to me? This may seem unfair to point out, but OP is a single mother with 2 kids, so she brings her share of baggage too.

He could be extremely shy in person (worst kind of date IME), it could be that he doesn’t know how to make a relationship work, it could be that he has unrealistic expectations of what a relationship is or that he does something that annoys women.

Personally I would much rather date some one who has a “failed” relationship and 2 kids than someone who has not been able to sustain a relationship for more than a few months.