Friends comments about DH and I

[richele4]

Been with DH 20 years, I'm 35. Met him in Secondary school, along with my friend 'Lucy'. Lucy's always been close with DH and I, when we had DD1 at 17 I was with her when my waters broke and she was in the delivery room with me when I had DD. Married DH at 23 and Lucy was my maid of honour. I was maid of honour at both of her weddings. Had 2DS and Lucy is godmother to both. Just to give insight into how close and long our friendship is.

Today I told Lucy that I'm pregnant with DD2 and she was excited as she's also pregnant with her DH who she's been with for 4 years. However she made comments and I just want to know if IABU to be upset/pissed off or who to be upset/pissed off at.

• "I'm always surprised that you and DH are still together, he's probably starting to get bored of the same old thing"
• "You better watch your weight gain this pregnancy, like I have been, you already look bigger than the first 3 pregnancies and you don't want your DH's eye wandering any more than it already will be"
• "It's impressive that after this long he still wants to have sex with you. It's got to be quite boring for him now"
• "He's looking good for his age, I'm sure younger women are interested in him, you should be careful"

I just awkwardly laughed them off but I am a bit upset that my friend of 20 years would say these things. I haven't told DH. I've never said anything to Lucy that would suggest DH and I are 'bored' because I definitely don't feel that way. Do you think my DH could have said something to Lucy's DH (because they are friends and he regularly goes out with her DH) and Lucy's DH could have said it to Lucy and that's why she's saying it to me? I'm not sure what to think

OP, there is no way those comments could come from a good meaning place. If a friend was genuinely concerned for you, those are not the comments she would make. Those comments can only be coming from a place of wanting to upset or unsettle you. I can not make them come from any good place no matter how I read them. Can you?

If she really said that then she sounds like an arsehole or knows something you don’t .

I dont get this. If you're such good friends and have a ' tell it like it is relationship' why don't you sit down and ask her why she is making comments that, by any standards, are mean.?

I agree with this though. Even if she's jealous or projecting would pps really dump a friend if 20 years over a few nasty comments?

I'd at least ask her what she meant. Give her a chance to explain herself, before I gave up on the friendship.

Confront her. You are left feeling like shit because her worlds. If you are as honest as you say you are with each other, tell her how you feel.

If your husband has said something then as a friend she should let you know straight away, but it is possible shes warning you without getting her DH into trouble.
I do think that's possible or shes jealous.

Has she ever shown jealousy before or is it all of a sudden shes saying things?. If its recently then it suggest she knows more. Still not a good friend though because if your husband is saying stuff, you are not to blame for his feelings.

Has she form for making digs at you?

Someone who really cares for you would not say things so vicious.

Is it possible she's trying to tell you your husband has been unfaithful?

Either way, what she said is ugly.