Friends comments about DH and I

[richele4]

Been with DH 20 years, I'm 35. Met him in Secondary school, along with my friend 'Lucy'. Lucy's always been close with DH and I, when we had DD1 at 17 I was with her when my waters broke and she was in the delivery room with me when I had DD. Married DH at 23 and Lucy was my maid of honour. I was maid of honour at both of her weddings. Had 2DS and Lucy is godmother to both. Just to give insight into how close and long our friendship is.

Today I told Lucy that I'm pregnant with DD2 and she was excited as she's also pregnant with her DH who she's been with for 4 years. However she made comments and I just want to know if IABU to be upset/pissed off or who to be upset/pissed off at.

• "I'm always surprised that you and DH are still together, he's probably starting to get bored of the same old thing"
• "You better watch your weight gain this pregnancy, like I have been, you already look bigger than the first 3 pregnancies and you don't want your DH's eye wandering any more than it already will be"
• "It's impressive that after this long he still wants to have sex with you. It's got to be quite boring for him now"
• "He's looking good for his age, I'm sure younger women are interested in him, you should be careful"

I just awkwardly laughed them off but I am a bit upset that my friend of 20 years would say these things. I haven't told DH. I've never said anything to Lucy that would suggest DH and I are 'bored' because I definitely don't feel that way. Do you think my DH could have said something to Lucy's DH (because they are friends and he regularly goes out with her DH) and Lucy's DH could have said it to Lucy and that's why she's saying it to me? I'm not sure what to think

Nothing she said suggests she’s interested in your husband at all 😂😂

She just sounds like a b*tch tbh. Perhaps she’s hormonal. Perhaps her husband has suggested these things to her. Either way, she’s being bitchy.

@Bahhhhhumbug

What has being disapproving of large families got anything to do with saying bitchy comments about the OPs appearance and that her hubby must be "bored" with her after so many years?

Sod all. Leery Lucy was being horrible, plain and simple.

Lucy obviously has a problem within herself thinking women have to keep trim whilst pregnant or a husband will look elsewhere which to me is more telling about the state of Leery Lucys own marriage than the OPs.

Hmm. I can't help wondering if the latest husband is less than nice and setting her up to drive a wedge against her and old friends to ensure she is isolated and therefore easier to abuse. If this behaviour is out of character or more than:you would expect what do you know about HIM?

Did dh assure you he didn't feel the way Lucy suggests he must?

You are in a loving relationship and have a happy life.

Lucy has a big problem with this. Steer clear.

How does she take it when people are "brutally honest" with her? Or do people walk on eggshells around her because she can flare up?

I think she is boosting her own insecurities by planting insecurity in you.

#isayditchlucytoo

You were maid of honour at both her weddings - says it all, really. She's jealous of your stable relationship and happy family.

If you've such a brutally honest relationship with her then you should have no qualms about saying "that's bitchy" to her, or is the honesty only one way?

She’s jealous, she’s been married twice, you have a stable and loving relationship. Bin her

As others have mentioned, it does sound like Lucy is projecting her inner thoughts about her own marriage on you...steer clear, she is not your friend.

Uh, the 'say it like it is' people. ie unpleasant and bitchy people. Distance yourself. I'm all for good friends being honest when it's necessary. But this isn't honesty, for YOUR benefit, it's bitchiness for HER benefit.

Honesty shouldn't leave you feeling uncomfortable and undermined, especially if you haven't done anything wrong.

I had a friend like that, she just started turning into her mother over the years.

She sounds immensely insecure, as PP's have said, this says a lot about her and nothing about you.

A 'I'm sorry, did you mean to come across as so rude?' should stop these 'honest' bullshit comments.

And congratulations to you and DH, you sound like a fab couple.

If you have a relationship where you can be brutally honest with each other, why haven't you said those are horrible things to say?
If she does it again, definitely tell her -you've said a few things that have seemed unkind, or 'did you mean to be so rude?'

I had a friend like this, it boiled down to her thinking that I wasn't particularly attractive and she didn't really know what my BF saw in me, also she fancied him a bit when she first met him and could never understand why he'd chosen me not her. It wasn't that noticeable when we were younger but as time went on I came to realise that she was genuinely shocked that he fancied me so much 😁

I'm wondering if it's that she no longer finds her husband attractive (or vice versa) - especially as her last marriage/relationship lasted a similar length of time. So she can't 'get' how you can still find someone attractive or 'not boring' for so long - so the real insecurity is on her

Oh my word! I thought these were going to be highly veiled passive aggressive digs, but no she’s just an out and out bitch. Wow. Was this all in one conversation?

I agree if she’s never done anything like this before it’s come from a place of complete and utter jealousy. Probably because you’re pregnant at the same time - I know pathetic AF. But some women get very territorial over it, like they’re the only ones allowed 🙄.

I would begin phase out.

Utterly out of order as a best friend. She is deep down jealous of your loving marriage and going the distance 20+yrs . Suspect her DH / partner is more worried about her weight gain, her coupling. Steer clear she is projecting and not pleasant.

These sound like she is hinting to you your husband is not faithful, or ar best is a bit of a letch.

Wouldn't call her a friend if she says those things. Sounds like she's jealous that your marriage is lasting longer than hers. I'd shut her down immediately and no way would I let someone speak to me like that.

Perhaps her second marriage is on the rocks or the passion is dying a bit.

You don't have to let anyone speak to you like that you know .
Stand up for yourself , get angry .
How dare she spout disrespectful hurtful nonsense like that.

What's her motive? She's either told you to warn you or piss you off.

Personally, I feel she's trying to make you feel as shit as she is feeling. I don't think she fancies your DH. She's that type of person who doesn't like seeing people too happy or doing too well.

I've met many people like this; some I once considered friends.

Keep an eye on her for a few weeks; if she's back to her old self, ask her what the fuck she was playing at.

If she is still carrying on being disrespectful, ask her what the fuck she is playing at.

She's jealous as hell. And I think next time she says these things you need to tell her that you're onto her green eyed monster business. 💁🏻‍♀️